an open letter to the birds in my neighbourhood

. . .

Dear Birds,

Remember what it was like here before 2.0 and I moved in? I do.

There were no bird feeders. Now there are three. We fill them with seeds and peanuts and other birdy treats. There was no heated bird bath here last year. But 2.0 got me you one for Christmas, because I read that water is hard to find in the winter, and I was terribly worried about you. I doubt anyone made suet for you before we moved into this perfect little house. But now you’ve got me to fill your bellies with cranberries, peanut butter and fat. I make it in the mornings before I go to work, and put it out for you on cold days.

We’ve planted lots of flowers for you. We’ve been reading about the flowers that you might like best, and I watched you sitting on the coneflowers last fall. We’re planning to plant more this year, because we could tell you liked the seeds. We’ve provided you with bird houses, sheltered nooks and crannies, and lovely trees to hide in. And we don’t complain when you eat our strawberries, raspberries and grapes. We happily share with you. Because we love you, Birds.

How many times have I chased the neighbourhood cats away in my pyjamas? I know you’ve seen me. The whole street has seen me running through the yard in my red flannel pj’s and 2.0’s huge boots. And we never, ever let our kitties chase you. We keep them inside. We’ve seen you taunting them through the dining room window.

And despite all of this, you pooped on my sweater yesterday. It was hanging on the line. You pooped on my sweater just like you pooped on the duvet last fall. And my sweet blue sheets with the ribbon trim. And my pink t-shirt.

I am very disappointed, Birds.

Very. Disappointed.

Sincerely yours,

movita

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16 Responses to an open letter to the birds in my neighbourhood

  1. Marsha Sefcik April 5, 2011 at 7:55 am #

    sorry but, that’s hilarious. I have childhood memories of my grandmother being upset that the starlings pooped all over her bed sheets.

  2. The Birds April 5, 2011 at 8:47 am #

    As much as we appreciate all you do for us, you have to remember that, as you are pathetic animals living out your pointless lives shuffling along on the ground, we view you as lesser creatures.

    Your random comings and goings mainly confuse us, so we just ignore the little things that you do from day to day.

    We eat. We fly. We occasionally lay eggs. We poop. More specifically, we poop wherever the hell we want.

    The fact that our poop ends up in places that you may find inconvenient is pretty much beneath our notice (literally and figuratively).

    The poop: is down there. We: are up here. It may not be a fair system (from your point of view), but cheep cheep cheep.

    • movita April 5, 2011 at 10:20 am #

      It’s on, Birds. It’s on.

      • The Birds April 6, 2011 at 9:31 am #

        FYI: yes, we have seen the cats that you keep in your cat zoo, and you should see what they do when you’re not at home.

        • movita April 6, 2011 at 11:28 am #

          No. I won’t believe you. My cats are highly trained. Superior to all others. Yesterday, when I was at work, they vacuumed.

      • The Birds April 6, 2011 at 4:33 pm #

        A valiant attempt to cover up the evidence. And we wouldn’t sit on the leftmost sofa cusion, if we were you…

        • movita April 7, 2011 at 7:39 am #

          Oh dear. This is most distressing.

  3. emmalina73 April 5, 2011 at 8:55 am #

    Those ungrateful woodland creatures, don’t they appreciate all you do for them? Very sad situation. I’m not laughing at all. Nope. Not laughing even a bit.

  4. maudiemaudie April 5, 2011 at 12:31 pm #

    This is so funny, I laughed out loud when I read this. At our old house our washing line was between 2 trees (not very clever I know) and in the spring and autumn when there were no leaves and huge flocks of starlings would land in the trees I would bring in the washing and it would be dirtier than before I washed it!
    And another thing, stop putting up such mouthwatering recipes please, can’t you do something I don’t like – banana fritters or something? More Daphne, Morley and Penelope too.

    • movita April 5, 2011 at 7:53 pm #

      Oh dear. You probably won’t be happy about the incredible sugar cookies I had planned to tell you about… they are the best cookies ever. They melt in your mouth. Maybe I’ll post the recipe, and you can just ignore it. Like the birds ignoring my pleas for poop-free laundry…

      More needle felted friends on the way – sheep and bunnies galore!

  5. glutenfreezen April 5, 2011 at 10:22 pm #

    Love it! You should post your suet recipe. 🙂

  6. HRH Sarah April 6, 2011 at 4:18 pm #

    Little ingrates. Sounds like they’re getting too many goodies…

  7. TC April 11, 2011 at 11:52 am #

    I have just stumbled across your site thanks to your ‘how to sew a curtain’ tutorial. Alas, I have just snorted lemonade out my nose in front of my work colleagues (I’m working very very hard). Not only am I fascinated by your brilliant writing style in your blog, but your comments are also entertaining.

    Instant bookmark! The pressure is on…

    • movita April 12, 2011 at 9:32 am #

      Well, you’ve just made my day.

      (And scared me.)

  8. movita beaucoup September 13, 2015 at 11:34 am #

    Comments are now closed on this post as it was published in April 2011. Thanks for stopping by!

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