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Dear People Who Don’t Like Swearing,
You probably shouldn’t read this post.
Back in November, when I was visiting with Pussycat, she told me about her idea for some super awesome shortbreads. As we were baking them, she proclaimed, “this is some next level pioneer shit.” And that became our working title for the shortbreads. Next Level Pioneer Shit Shortbreads. But then I was all, “I think most of my readers are elderly… and I’m not sure how festive the word shit is.” So we changed the name to P.Kitty’s White Chocolate Coconut Shortbreads. (Of course, now that I’ve written the word shit
three four times, I’m thinking we could have left the name as it was.)
Let me tell you about these little shortbreads. These sweet, tasty shortbreads with coconut and cornflakes that become inexplicably crispy-chewy. We started with a Martha Stewart base. A good basic shortbread. And then we went all pioneer on its ass. That’s assuming pioneers were into white chocolate and cornflakes.
We toasted some coconut.
Chopped up some white chocolate.
Mixed in some crushed cornflakes.
And then baked ourselves some next level pioneer shortbreads.
You’re probably going to want to make these. And you’re going to want to cut them into smallish pieces. Because they are filling – a small square is just right. You’re going to have a 9×13 pan of awesomeness. A pan of awesomeness that could make your mother forget to tell you that she thinks your pants are ill-fitting when you arrive home on Christmas Eve. A pan of shortbreads that might make your mother-in-law think you can actually feed your family without her assistance/constructive criticism. A pan of sweet delights that might stop your great aunt from sighing loudly when you tell her you’re still single. (Can you feel me working up to a feverish finale?) A PAN OF NEXT LEVEL SHIT THAT WILL MAKE YOUR FAMILY STOP ACTING LIKE TURDS DURING THIS FESTIVE SEASON AND ACT MORE LIKE THE ONE FROM YOUR FAVOURITE HOLIDAY MOVIE.
I’m lying. You really should get better fitting pants.
So. Go make some shortbreads.
(Sorry about the swearing.)
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Makes 35+ shortbread squares.
- 2/3 cup shredded, unsweetened coconut
- 1 1/3 cups finely chopped white chocolate or white chocolate chips
- 2/3 cup finely crushed cornflakes
- 1 1/3 cups (2 sticks plus 6 tablespoons) unsalted butter, room temperature
- 2/3 cup sugar
- 3/4 teaspoon salt
- 3/4 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
- 3 1/3 cups all-purpose flour
Begin by toasting the coconut: toast the coconut in a dry skillet over medium heat, stirring often, until golden. (Take your time, coconut burns easily.) Allow the coconut to cool completely.
Combine the coconut, white chocolate and cornflakes in a bowl and set aside.
Preheat oven to 275°F. Grease a 9×13 baking pan, and line the bottom with parchment paper.
In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, cream the butter and sugar on medium speed until light and fluffy (about 2 minutes). Add the salt and vanilla, and beat to combine. Add the flour, 1 cup at a time (the first addition will be 1 1/3 cup, followed by two 1 cup additions), beating on low speed until just combined.
Stir the coconut mixture into the shortbread dough – I use my hands to get the ingredients incorporated.
Press dough into your prepared pan, leveling and smoothing the top. Prick the top of the shortbread with the tines of a fork, randomly or in a pattern.
Bake shortbread until evenly pale golden, but not browned, 50-60 minutes (the original recipe has a baking time of 70-85 minutes, we found it doesn’t take nearly that long).
Transfer pan to a wire rack to cool. Cut into squares while still warm from the oven – 5 or 6 rows in each direction, more or less if you like. Allow to cool completely before serving. Store in an airtight container for up to 1 month.