Pumpkin Carve-Off, Ginger, and soon: Bake My Cake. movita loves herself some competitions. I’m thinking you kids do too, as you almost broke the internet whilst voting in the last battle royale. Now, for some of you, Bake My Cake might be your first movita competition. And that might make you feel funny in your tummy. But don’t fret, little bird, movita is here to help.

Here are some tips, in no particular order, for putting together entries for movita competitions. I’m very good at judging people – I’ve been doing it for years – so I’ve noticed a few trends about the winning entries on this here blog.

Pick a theme. Go hardcore traditional, or go totally quirky. Pick something you like and run with it. Entries with themes tend to do well. Even if that theme is: put this cake in Martha Stewart Magazine, mofos, I just buttercreamed your ass. (Yah. I just made buttercream a verb.)

That being said, I encourage you to think outside of the box. Entries that are original tend to do very well in my competitions. My readers are easily entertained. That’s why they’re here voting, and not off running the country. Ginger 2011 was dominated by houses that veered from the traditional. Check ‘em out here. Or, if you’re too lazy, take a look at this:

That’s my sister’s entry for Ginger 2011. Theme: the Three Little Piggies. See how the wolf blew down the houses made of straw and sticks? Genius.

Don’t worry if it sucks. We like that. Cake collapsed on itself? Awesome. Send a photo. No. Send two. Don’t worry if it didn’t turn out just as you had planned, because you can:

Include an awesome tidbit. People like hearing your stories, even if they’re stupid. My readers tend to respond when you tell them something weird about your creation, or explain just what the hell you were thinking when you slapped it together. Maybe you were inspired by Val Kilmer and blah, blah, blah. Keep it short. You can find some examples by scrolling through the Ginger 2011 entries. Still feeling lazy? Here’s an example:

When Paul of  The Ossington Kitchen, sent in his Ginger 2011 entry, he included the following real estate ad:

Tired of those heartless, cookie cutter housing developments?
This delightful pied a terre is the answer to your prayers.
Perfect for the mature gal who needs a bit more space for the family.
A home with soul.

That’s money, people.

Good photos. I recommend natural light. Avoid using your flash. You don’t need a fancy camera. Send in two photos from a couple of different angles. Try to clear the clutter from the background. We get that you like Loni Anderson, but we don’t necessarily need to see your Loni Anderson poster looming over your gingerbread house. Or piles of your laundry beside your cake. Trust me, a good photo can make a huge difference. Look at what Katherine (over at Eggton) sent in for her Ginger entry:

It has a backdrop, mofos. Enough said.

Use the interweb for something other than porn. We’re talking social media, people. Email, facebook, twitter. When it gets to voting time, do what you have to do to promote the living crap out of your creation. You don’t have to have the best entry – just the most votes. It’s like a frickin’ high school election.

And also… there can only be one winner. Have some fun for cripes’ sake. And who knows? Maybe Martha Stewart will see your creation and feature you in her magazine. Frankly, getting featured on my blog is way cooler, but whatever.

There you go. I think you’re ready to fly, little bird. If you’ve competed in the past, you might have some more tips, and you should feel free to leave ‘em in the comment section. I’m basically a genius, but you might have some ideas that my brain missed whilst calculating huge fractions and stuff.