. . .
Remember when peanuts didn’t kill people? I do. Because I could eat a peanut butter sandwich at work. But not now. Nope. Because I work with kids. And kids are different nowadays. They have allergies. And asthma. And environmental sensitivities. I’m not blaming the little crappers. I get that aliens have injected everything we eat with stuff that makes them weaker now.
Because I work with children, I also understand that they are now encouraged to express themselves. Loudly. And with their hands on their hips. They say no to a lot of stuff. I’ve also noticed that kids are now allowed to use staircases, hallways, restaurants and other public gathering areas as playgrounds and storage facilities. I know this because when I’m trying to get up and down the stairs at work, parents sigh when their children have to move their stuff so I don’t trip and die.
I want to fill my lunch bag with peanut butter cookies; these peanut butter cookies that are full of butter, nuts and chocolate. These peanut butter cookies that could, in copious quantities, stop your heart. These peanut butter cookies that melt in your mouth. But I can’t. I can’t take these cookies to work because the kids I come in contact with couldn’t handle them. A cookie like this could stop a kid in its tracks.
But maybe, if you’re middle aged like I am, you can handle peanuts. Maybe you can suck ‘em back with no consequences. And maybe, because you’ve gone to great lengths to make your house perilous to children, you will leave heaping platefuls of these delightful cookies around your home.
Or maybe you will stand on your front lawn eating these cookies in front of the neighbourhood children yelling, “don’t come any closer! I’ve got peanuts!” And then watch them all scream and run away.
Of course that’s wishful thinking. It’s more likely that they’ll just leave their crap at the end of your driveway so you back over it with your car.
. . .
Killer Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies - adapted from a recipe handed on to me by Rosie Beaucoup, original source unknown and likely lost at sea - print and bake
Yields about 3.5 dozen.
- 2 cups all purpose flour
- 1 teaspoon baking soda
- 1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
- 1 cup shelled, unsalted peanuts, coarsely chopped
- 1 cup salted butter, room temperature
- 1 cup smooth peanut butter
- 1 cup granulated sugar
- 1 cup brown sugar
- 2 large eggs
Preheat the oven to 325°F. Line a few baking sheets with parchment paper.
In a medium sized bowl, sift together the flour and baking soda and set aside. In a small bowl, combine the chocolate chips and peanuts and set aside.
Place the butter and peanut butter in the bowl of a stand mixer, and mix on medium speed for 2-3 minutes. The mixture will lighten in colour and get silky. Scrape down the sides of the bowl.
Add the granulated sugar 1/2 cup at a time, mixing until each addition is well incorporated. Add the brown sugar 1/2 cup at a time, mixing until each addition is well combined.
Add the eggs, one at a time, beating until smooth after each addition.
Add the flour mixture in two additions, mixing well until combined.
Stir in the peanuts and chocolate chips.
Drop by large spoonfuls onto the prepared baking sheets (I use a small ice cream scoop which holds about 1.5 tablespoons). Leave at least two inches between each cookie to allow for spreading. Slightly flatten the tops of the cookies with your fingers or the back of a spoon.
Bake for about 15 minutes, until the edges are golden. Allow to cool on wire racks.
Send some of those yummy cookies! My kids have no food allergies. We breed them strong over here. These food allergies give a whole new meaning to survival of the fittest
Nicely done, Dee. Frankly, I think if kids were eating more peanuts, they wouldn’t be such disasters nowadays…
I love your concept…
Peanut butter cookies as weapons.
On a good note, you don’t have to share. Not that I would, anyway, but you know what I’m sayin’…
OR: peanut butter cookies make kids stronger. So, really, peanut butter is a weapon against insipid children. We all ate ‘em – look how well adjusted we are! And we don’t even care if someone gives us a medal just for showing up…
I’m loving your way of thinking.
And I adore your blog. So, I had to share some bloggy love with you.
http://jcocina.com/?p=779
Don’t feel like you need to pass it along. This is just me saying, “I adore you”…in a non-stalkery bloggy kind of way.
These look lovely and delicious! My allergy-free children would scoop these up and so would I (large glass of milk in hand).
I’m so glad you are producing children who will be able to appreciate the value of peanut butter….
how about the image of you standing in your yard (btw, do these cookies bring all the boys to the yard??) yelling at the kids that you’re eating PEANUT BUTTER DOOM & they scatter is the most hysterically beautiful scene i am envisioning?
Now that 2.0 has discovered a big batch of these cookies in the freezer, I’m kind of envisioning him crouched in the basement growling at anyone who dares enter the house… because, yah, these cookies bring all the boyz to the yard.
Nice! Biological warfare cookies are the new Chinese fighting muffins!!
You kill me Movita! (without ever raising a cookie.)
I would never raise a cookie to you. I would gently plate it for you and serve it with tea. And a fancy napkin…
I have noticed that IN SOME CASES the children with allergies are so unpleasant as to make sympathy the furthest thing from your mind, what happened to manners people? Ok yes, you are a human being with the right to express yourself but guess what, so am I! One thing I hope to impart to my children is good, old fashioned, British, high minded, slightly condescending, excessively poetic, courtesy.
Politeness is mightier than the sword. Just in case I carry a sword too. Made of peanuts.
I’ve been working with children for 18 years. Hundreds of students every year. They are not what they used to be. It’s actually pretty amazing to see the differences. What happened to parenting? People are producing the most obnoxious beasts! And then I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THEM. However, there are some families who do it right. Discipline, respect for others, manners. Lovely children. They don’t even require the use of a peanut sword…
It is a weird phenomenon, honestly I think many parents haven’t quite grown up themselves. They don’t want to be the baddie and say (gasp!) no. Being a mama means being their true friend and a true friends tells you when you are straying. Little people need us to guide them and teach them that you’ll get much further in life when you are not a snotty, entitled, arrogant little toe rag. Oy vey I could go on forever. I really hope my boys will turn out to be lovely human beings who can eat as many of your lovely cookies as they can stuff in their mouths! Ok the cookie part is already achieved….it’s in the genes.
You, my friend, are gunna raise some lovely boys. I can feel it in my bones… xox
Peanut butter cookies = The new, new throwing stars… Oh, I’m digging this! OK, I’m also digging the cookies for eating, not for just throwing… AND! Since my kids eat peanut butter from the jar, these will be perfect. Yep, I bred a couple of roughnecks.
No. You bred a couple of GENIUSES!
Ha- back off, I have peanut butter cookies! Sadly it is the sign of the times that food allergies are on the rise. Hopefully it is something that kids will grow out of.
In the meantime, enjoy your cookies in peace from grubby little reaching hands!
These are killer all right! They look super delicious
Cheers
Choc Chip Uru
WordPress is giving me a hard time and just ate my clever comment. In short: I LOVE PEANUTS. And these look amazing.
That’s because you are very smart. You are probably extra smart because you like peanuts. I’m pretty sure that’s a medical fact… xox
I stumbled across your blog while looking for instructions on how to distress furniture. I loved your directions & found myself laughing through out..so I decided to follow you. I have to say, so far,I am not disappointed!! Totally opposite, I love it all! Thanks for making me smile while learning new things 😊
Yay! Glad to have you here Hazel!
Same here… no allergies detected in my kids… they come from good German stock!!! We love all things nutty!!!
YUM!!!!
I don’t know why I never thought of using peanut butter cookies as armor against minions of evil. Though, in my case, pointing a peanut butter cookie at them is not going to have the desired effect, they’re most likely going to charge towards me, run me over and claw the cookie out of my hand and glare at it saying, “my precioussssss…”
This could be a problem. I mean there are some children who can actually eat peanuts. And a cookie like this could actually make them stronger. Like, way stronger…
So true, movita! Why are kids nowadays so full of allergies! and that hand on the hip thing! so true! Whatever happened to “we are providing for you, not the other way around!” That hand on the hip thing… God… Must… Resist….
I love, love, love watching the three year olds at work as they are directing their families to do things for them. Pointing, hands on hips. Get my boots! No! I don’t want to leave! Give it to me. NOW! Highly entertaining – and you’ve gotta admire their confidence!
movita, i cannot adequately express to you how much i agree on kids these days. even though that statement just made me sound like i’m 85 and not 35. I cringe when i see poorly-behaved kids in public with seemingly no parents. I had several people tell me that i would understand when i had a child.
i have a child.
she is 1 1/2.
i’m happy to say i understand even LESS. because she knows, even at 1 1/2, to behave. and that i’m the mom/boss/giver of life around here.
and i plan to feed her, as a reward, your killer peanut butter chocolate chip cookies. because she loves peanut butter. and is not allergic in the slightest bit and BOY am i happy about that. because these look gorgeous.
You know, I don’t remember my parents ever threatening us or yelling at us. They just told us how people should behave in public places and that we should be kind and fair to all people. That being nice to everyone will always pay off, that we would have to work for things, and that sometimes we wouldn’t win. Also, they mentioned that leaving your crap around is really frickin’ annoying, and that public spaces are just that: public (so get over yourself and don’t climb all over the escalator at the mall or the table next to yours at the restaurant). Also, kicking seats at movie theatres and on planes is not cool. Because people will not find you cute.
But I guess common sense just isn’t that common anymore!
I bet your wee kidden is a gem. She’d probably be one of those students that I want to shove in my dance bag and take home…
You are forgetting that Rosie Beaucoup had a look that said, “I won’t spank you, but I will kill you.” I was just describing it to my friend Kate, while gently rocking.
Hmmm, I wonder if allergies and bad manners are related….and which causes which? I am going to make these cookies and arm myself. When the little darlings parent’s aren’t looking, I will attack!!!! Peanut butter cookie time! Just joking….or am I?
And maybe if we all ate MORE peanut butter, we’d develop peanut-strong kids. It’s just a theory…
Oh YES! I am going to make these and stand in front of my ultra processed diet visitors and allergic to anything with enzymes visitors and shout Don’t come any closer, i have REAL FOOD!! c
Aaaaaand an evil plan is hatched!
in fact and I had to come back to say this – the protein in a good peanut butter sandwich is brilliant. So a peanut butter sandwich and a small pack of dried raisins for the iron, then an orange for the VC is a perfect lunch.. Plain but Good! weird huh.. you have to have good bread tho, none of that bought sh.. stuff.. c
The cookies sound heavenly. Too bad I can’t bake them and pack them in my daughter’s lunch. The cafeteria has banished peanut butter. They serve sunbutter as a substitute. As if there could be a substitute for peanut butter.
I bet this kid isn’t allergic to ANYTHING.
Also, I thought the post was over and then I laughed AGAIN when I got to the source of the recipe being lost at sea. Ah, you kill me (not in the peanut butter way. BA DAP CH!)
Holy crap. This kid kinda freaks me out. But I loves her nonetheless. Also, I like that the video is SO ENORMOUS. Because as one ages, one needs things to be big. Enter, for example: Reader’s Digest Large Print Edition.
Um, so, note to self: putting a youtube link in a comment is kind of an invasive move, as the video is ENORMOUS.
Hello! I just wanted to let you know that I really enjoy your blog and I have nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award & the Very Inspiring Blogger award: http://latetedelegumes.wordpress.com/2012/03/21/the-versatile-blogger-award-very-inspiring-blogger-award/
:] Merci,
Taissa
P.S.- Those cookies are to DIE for. They are now on my list.
Hi, Thank you for checking ou my blog. I am really enjoying going through your posts. Love the writing and phography:) the cookies look great
Now I understand WHY mother animals eat their young!!!
I object to peanut butter on the basis of peanuts being squeaky on my teeth and also I don’t really like how it tastes… On the plus side, I have nominated you for the Kreativ Blogger Award (with its creative spelling). All the info will be up at 12 noon (BST) on Monday 27th March: http://wp.me/pMdpA-XL
Movita, this post is hilarious, but so true. I give you credit because I couldn’t work with the little “crappers” all day long. It takes a strong person, and I’m weak. Oh, so weak. These cookies sound amazing! Peanut butter and chocolate- classic. Too bad you can’t take them to work. Any way you can sneak them in? Wink.
Armed and dangerous, that’s me — I always have peanut butter in the house and I have been known to make peanut butter cookies. My Mom used to buy it by the half gallon in the old days and my big ol’ asthmatic, allergic brother was not allergic to peanuts either (red dye was another story, also bananas and about forty-seven other things). He grew up to ride a Harley and excel in martial arts — hey, maybe you could just ballet-kick those kids and their stuff down the stairs, demonstrating impeccable form.
So, what you’re saying is: peanut butter makes kids stronger. Right? And also, be nice to your brother in case he grows up and kicks your ass. Right?
I feel my muffin top coming on, after eating these cookies. It will be worth it. I want to run to the kitchen and bake them RIGHT NOW.
You rock out loud.
Lynne
xx
Thanks, Lynne! (And what’s wrong with a wee muffin top?) xox
worth every bite. Every muffin top bite is well deserved. My waist line took one for the team. Delish !
Looks delicious!
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These look amazing! I will be making these as weapons of mass destruction and bringing them into work. Together, we can fight crime…Bwahahah
Seriously funny stuff. Nuff said.
Kids these days… /sigh
let them be allergic! more peanut butter for me! SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST!!!