salad, chicken and cruise ships

. . .

eat some salad | movita beaucoup

I have two worst-case vacation scenarios in life: Disney World and cruise ships. I mention this because I’m on a break from school this week, and people seem disappointed that I haven’t exercised either of those options to relax. If I were taken hostage by a nefarious street gang, either of those scenarios could be used as a merciless means of torture. Let’s discuss my reasons for avoiding cruise ships. (I believe Disney World is self-explanatory.)

eat some salad | movita beaucoup

Cruise ships are basically floating hotels. Buildings aren’t supposed to float. And when you are on that floating hotel, you are trapped in the middle of the ocean with tourists and sharks. 

Cruise ship staff will, in all likelihood, shape towels into animals and then leave them on your bed.

Think of the people you see at the grocery store. There’s a good chance that people just like that have slept in your cruise ship bed. I just threw up in my mouth.

eat some salad | movita beaucoup

Speaking of barf, I’ve heard they hose down the walls when someone comes down with a bad case of the double-headed dragon. Like, with a hose. Do you spray down the walls of your bedroom on a semi-regular basis? I didn’t think so.

Cruise ships are slow. Planes were invented because of this. People who like cruises probably haven’t heard of stuff like the interweb and Netflix, so they don’t know about planes either. Take a plane.

Buffets. Think of the people you see at the grocery store. There’s a good chance people just like that touched your food. I just threw up again.

eat some salad | movita beaucoup

Pre-assigned tables. Yup, you’ll eating your buffet-style meals with strangers. Tourist strangers. People just like the creeps you see at the grocery store. And that makes it extremely difficult to talk about those people over dinner.

When you are visiting ports, you will be encouraged to go on lame excursions. Guess who will be going with you? The people you had dinner with the previous evening.

The poop. Where does the poop go? I don’t even want to think about it.

The “entertainment”.

eat some salad | movita beaucoup

Persons overboard. (Happens all the time.)

Sinkings, break downs, groundings, disabling accidents, collisions and fires.

And finally, pirates. I am adorable, and as such, irresistible to pirates. It’s a curse.

eat some salad | movita beaucoup

If you have been on a cruise, or anywhere with little kids, you have been exposed to germs. You might need a salad to make you feel better. I’m sure you can make a salad, but if you’re weak from a recent vacation, you might enjoy some suggestions like: chop the lettuce into bite-sized pieces so you won’t get dressing and veggie bits all over your jowls. Or: pomegranate seeds are way chic right now. I tested a dressing for you – three times, actually, but then I got bored and abandoned it. So, I guess what I’m saying is that I’m not really giving you a recipe here. I’m on vacation and every part of my brain and body has shut down. However, this is my favourite way to cook chicken lately. I’m really into sweet smoked paprika right now. Chicken cooked this way tastes wicked awesome on top of a salad – especially if you throw some cucumber in there. Magic.

When I head back to school next week I’ll be in the final stretch. Then I spend five weeks working in a real, live bakery. Then? Graduation. And then? I’ve got some big plans.

Guess I’d better eat some salad…

. . .

Cook Your Chicken This Way And Put It On Top Of A Salad – “recipe” generously provided by movita beaucoup – print and make

Yields 2 perfectly seasoned chicken breasts.

  • 1 lb. boneless, skinless chicken breasts (about 2 pieces)
  • 2 teaspoons olive oil
  • 1 teaspoon sweet smoked paprika
  • 1/4 teaspoon salt
  • 1/8 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

Preheat a large non-stick skillet over medium heat.

In a small bowl, combine the olive oil, sweet smoked paprika, salt and pepper. Rub the mixture all over the chicken breasts.

Cook the chicken over medium heat, flipping at the midway point. Cooking time will depend on the thickness of your chicken – about 10 minutes per side. Internal temperature should reach 165°F (74°C), juices should run clear.

Let cool for five minutes before slicing and serving over salad.

Or, eat as is.

39 Responses to salad, chicken and cruise ships

  1. juanitascocina March 14, 2013 at 8:46 pm #

    Here’s why I love Disney World…there is booze. Everywhere.

    But, I’m with you on the cruise ship. There’s nowhere to escape screaming children. Nowhere.

    Crap…I need salad now. My tummy is all funny.

    • movita beaucoup March 14, 2013 at 9:36 pm #

      Wait. There’s booze at Disney World? Okay, it would take all the booze in the world to convince me to go, but still – makes Disney World sound just a little better…

  2. Colene Ruggiero March 14, 2013 at 8:53 pm #

    Doesn’t sound very encouraging to take a cruise.

    • movita beaucoup March 15, 2013 at 8:43 am #

      My goodness – more problems today! All the more reason to avoid cruises…

  3. Karen @ Karen's Kitchen Stories March 14, 2013 at 8:58 pm #

    I’m with you on both. Or a Disney cruise. Trapped on a slow moving building on water with tons of children. I don’t get the attraction. Beautiful photographs!

    • movita beaucoup March 15, 2013 at 8:44 am #

      Imagine all those kids hyped up on buffet food and swimming pool activities… (shudder)

  4. Willow March 14, 2013 at 9:43 pm #

    “And finally, pirates. I am adorable, and as such, irresistible to pirates. It’s a curse.” – this is hilarious! And brilliant. And did I mention hilarious? I’ve never been on a cruise, but I am pretty sure I would feel similarly. And I have been to Disney, so yes, it is pretty self explanatory. I’ve just started to discover the wonders of real paprika (as in, sweet/hot/smokey paprika, not the ‘red flavor powder’ most grocery stores try to pass off as paprika), and will have to give this a try. I’m especially fond of chicken on salads, too… your photos have my mouth watering!

    • movita beaucoup March 16, 2013 at 9:53 pm #

      Pirates REALLY like people who can bake. True story.

  5. Carol Anne @ Rock Salt March 14, 2013 at 9:45 pm #

    Baking school has gone by FAST. I am impressed at your ability to continue blogging and, in fact, bother your arse giving us this post today. You should probably drink a drink now to recover.

  6. Emily March 14, 2013 at 9:50 pm #

    Very funny Rach… Big J would agree. Have you read what Tina Fey wrote about cruises?

    • Eggton March 14, 2013 at 10:38 pm #

      Emily, I agree–what Tina Fey wrote about cruises is hilarious.

      As is this. I happen to agree with you, Movita–cruise ships should be illegal. I mean, when you pay for an airline ticket and the airline makes you board and then sit on the runway for 4 hours, you can sue them or something, right? Because it’s practically kidnapping, or whatever? Cruise ships seem like the same thing except waaaaaay worse because you’re at least 100 miles away from the airport with nothing but a shrimp buffet and a washed-up crooner and 980 people with bad perms.

      The salad looks great. I got smoked paprika in my Christmas stocking and now I know how I’m going to use it.

  7. emma March 14, 2013 at 9:51 pm #

    I think you need to find a new grocery store.

  8. msginge March 14, 2013 at 10:09 pm #

    I’ve always watched those commercials for the big fancy cruises that go all sorts of exotic places, and thought it looked like it could be fun. However, thanks to your enlightening, I never want to go on a cruise. I am officially afraid.
    I think I’ll just stay in and eat salad.

    • movita beaucoup March 16, 2013 at 9:56 pm #

      I bet I’m going to get sued by Carnival.

  9. Kim Beaulieu March 14, 2013 at 10:15 pm #

    Jen is right, there’s a lot of alcohol at Disney. It helps offset the screaming hooligans a bit. Personally I love Disney but then I have no problem shoving kids and/or old people out of the way to get on the ride faster. And you get to see things like woman who have had too much too drink and forget there’s thousands of people around grab themselves and run to the loo with crossed legs like a 2 year old child. Like holding your parts is going to save you from peeing all over the floor when you downed three pitchers of ice cold beer to drown out the screaming kids. It’s epic. Never laughed so hard in my life. I almost had to hold myself to keep from peeing.

    I cannot ever look a cruise ship again. Thanks for that.

    I can however look a salad. I might not eat it. But I’ll certainly look at it.

  10. stephbo93 March 14, 2013 at 11:07 pm #

    I agree. Cruise ships are floating death traps. *shudder* I do, however, enjoy Disney. The trick is to go when the kids are in school. Sure, the really young kids are still there, but they all leave early for naps and such. This chicken sounds wonderful. And simple. I like that. Thanks, and hang in there! We’re all rooting for you!

  11. gottagetbaked March 15, 2013 at 1:51 am #

    I hate people at the grocery store. And I’m never going on a cruise – those things are floating germ incubators. The person overboard would be me after launching myself over the side of the ship to freedom or the sweet release of death (which are equally good options in my opinion). But that means I wouldn’t be able to make this salad so instead of a cruise, I’ll opt for chicken and greens.

  12. spree March 15, 2013 at 11:51 am #

    I too shun cruises Movita, for all the same reasons – can’t imagine how that’s a “vacation” – it really does sound more like a being taken as a hostage to purgatory – i get the willies (if not the gags) and every claustrophobic hair on my body stands on edge! accchhh…
    But your salad, thats more like a little piece of heaven. Can’t believe you’re so nearly to the end of Baking School adventure! Probably seems like longer though to you than to us. Dying to see what comes next for you!

    • movita beaucoup March 16, 2013 at 9:54 pm #

      Thanks, Spree!!

      Let’s agree to never go on a cruise together…

  13. Anne @ Webicurean.com March 15, 2013 at 1:44 pm #

    Why is it that folks become so annoying once they hit the grocery aisles? Being trapped with them on a cruise ship for days or even weeks would make me want to jump ship! I’m with Jen & Kim … booze up at Disney and make it the happiest place on earth for all involved!

  14. mellissa @ ibreatheimhungry March 15, 2013 at 2:59 pm #

    I’ve always wanted to go on a cruise. Now…not so much. Thanks for ruining my dream. I’ll forgive you because that salad looks awesome. But I’m still sad about it.

    • movita beaucoup March 16, 2013 at 9:54 pm #

      Think of the misery I’ve saved you from…

  15. natalie @ wee eats March 15, 2013 at 5:50 pm #

    If I had to sum up my opinion on cruise ships in a word, that word would be “norovirus”

    No thank you.

    I’m not saying I would NEVER go on a cruise (I mean, I’m not really one to pass up a free vacation) but come on now.

    Also, smoked paprika really makes everything delicious. Like, literally, EVERYTHING is more delicious with smoked paprika. This includes, but is not limited to, chicken, beef, pork, popcorn, french fries (or any sort of potato dish) and probably any basting-type sauce you would use. Even your salsa. True story. The only thing I wouldn’t put it on is my dessert, but I’ve never really understood that whole chili-dessert mash up that the world keeps trying to force on me.

  16. Isabelle @ Crumb March 15, 2013 at 5:57 pm #

    So I’m gonna take a wild guess and assume that a Disney Cruise would be like the absolute worsest vacation EVER… yes?
    Cruises aren’t really my cup of tea, either. I picture them as giant floating guided tours, in that you keep getting dragged away from the good stuff before you’re done enjoying it so that the group can go see a big ball of yarn or a belt-making workshop or whatever else is next on the itinerary. Bletch.
    Also, buffets? UUuuurgh. I strongly dislike the idea of my food being exposed to a large group of strangers with grabby hands. 😛

  17. thekalechronicles March 15, 2013 at 9:02 pm #

    Still hilarious, I see…

  18. Stacy March 16, 2013 at 12:54 am #

    Not being a group-holiday-type person, I completely agree with you on the cruise boat thing. We did take the children to Disney once but my in-laws and sister came too as reinforcements, along with some friends with their children (14 of us in all) and we were a force to be reckoned with in our matching aqua blue shirts that I hand-dyed. 🙂 Also, we rented a huge house in Kissimmee with enough beds for all, a whole kitchen and a pool so we escaped Disney each afternoon as the crowds got crazy and cooked dinner together and ate together (and drank together – at least the grown-ups) and it was a fabulous holiday.

    Your smoked paprika chicken looks fantastic and I can’t wait to hear about your big plans after graduation. I wish they included opening in a bakery in Dubai, because then I could meet you in person. I know, I know, pipe dreams.

  19. teachingontheverge March 16, 2013 at 7:47 pm #

    Big J says: I don’t care if I’m crippled, I’m never getting on a cruise ship – I’d rather go back to the TOTH.

    • movita beaucoup March 16, 2013 at 9:55 pm #

      NOT THE TOTH! Man. He really doesn’t like cruises.

  20. Barb Bamber (@justasmidgen1) March 17, 2013 at 12:47 am #

    I’ve never trusted those pirates.. but I’ll trust you on this salad. Oh, Movita, I think I live vicariously through you.. what are your big plans!! I’m so excited for you!!xx

  21. thatskinnychickcanbake March 17, 2013 at 11:10 pm #

    Yup, I’d much rather have your salad than go on a cruise…the one that gets to me is Noro virus. Can you even imagine? The whole ship vomiting (or does it come out the other end?????)…yikes!

  22. musingmar March 18, 2013 at 12:31 pm #

    This salad looks so fresh & appealing. And you’ve convinced me, I’m staying on dry land! I’m so curious about your plans post-baking school, not to mention the trouble you can get into … er, your adventures working in a real bakery!

  23. Emily March 18, 2013 at 3:57 pm #

    Hahahaha, never very much liked the idea of cruises, but you sure broke down all the elements of why I would never want to step aboard. P.s The salad looks amazing!

  24. shannon March 19, 2013 at 11:53 am #

    I’m dying inside a little bit right now. I never have wanted to go on a cruise – for all the reasons listed above, plus i just don’t see the point of yes, floating about in the middle of the sea, unable to see the nearest land mass. I want to DO AND SEE THINGS ON THE LAND. Like ancient ruins. Like sheep. Like art things. Like anything but massive amounts of water, truly. OH, with sea creatures inside and all around me.
    I”ll say i’m in the midst of figuring out a way to take Stella someday to Disneyworld without incident. And by “incident,” i mean without me ruining the whole trip by being skeeved out and irritated at every other person and thing in the theme parks. I have a few years to devise a plan. Meanwhile, i will use this salad to restore the calm in my soul.

  25. themessybakerblog March 23, 2013 at 10:38 pm #

    Finally, someone who feels the same way I do about cruise ships! Thank you! No one seems to understand my fear of the floating vessels. Um, hello, pirates, capsizing, Titanic, etc. It doesn’t sound like much fun. Oh, and not to mention the 1 ft. Of sewage if the boat breaks. No thank you. I’ll stick with flight.

    This salad looks killer!

  26. wendy@chezchloe April 2, 2013 at 2:03 am #

    Well so much for the family reunion cruise. We thought it would be a good way to pretend like we were spending time together.
    I love the paprika chicken. I’ve also been using a lot of sumac lately in the same fashion.
    PS – Have I ever mentioned I’m originally from Orlando, FL. My step dad worked at disney and we got in free (but they didn’t include the E tickets- cheap bastards). Do I have stories? yes. xo

  27. chindeep3141 May 29, 2013 at 7:35 pm #

    LOL! I love you and I love your blog. You make me laugh. I have just made a new commitment to myself to visit your blog at least once a week. Simple pleasures and all that 😉 A little present to myself.

    XOXO,
    Melissa

  28. Susan January 7, 2014 at 11:36 am #

    Awesome post. God you make me laugh. I too, can’t think of anything worse than ‘holidaying’ on a cruise ship. Though I haven’t your fear of nature, so I have been able to arrange myself some awesome adventures without those terrible people you talk about. Though,the places I go are probably a little more germy than the cruise. My last trip was Uganda, Rwanda and the Congo. But you know, the point is cruise ships are freaky.

  29. movita beaucoup December 27, 2015 at 7:14 pm #

    Comments on this post are now closed as it was published in March 2013.

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