A couple of years ago, 2.0 presented me with a golf club and claimed it was an anniversary gift. It was not. (I don’t golf.) My sister, Haddy, was visiting at the time, and told him it was the most thoughtful anniversary gift of all time. It was not. (She just likes to side with 2.0.) So, when 2.0 announced that he had personally selected a birthday gift for my sister, I got pretty excited.
2.0: I have something for your sister’s birthday.
movita: Really? What? (Thinking: a golf club. Please, let it be a golf club.)
2.0: Do you think she was serious when she said she wanted sex for her birthday?
movita: Totally. (Thinking: I doubt it, but let’s see where this is headed.)
2.0: Really? I can’t tell with you two.
movita: Yes, she wants sex for her birthday. She never lies.
2.0: Okay. Well, I got her a man.
movita: Really? (pausing) Where?
2.0: At work.
movita: What’s he like?
2.0: I dunno.
movita: Is he nice?
movita: Is he single?
2.0: I guess so.
movita: Does he talk about a girlfriend? A wife? Have you seen him with a woman?
2.0: I don’t think so.
movita: What does he look like?
2.0: A dude.
movita: Your eloquent words have painted a vivid picture upon the canvas of this conversation.
movita: Did you tell him about her?
movita: Can you help me out here? Can you tell me ANYTHING?
movita: Alright, let’s try this: do you think she’ll like him?
2.0: Well, if it turns out he isn’t gay, then she’s really gunna like him.
movita: Wait, wait, wait… what?
2.0: Well, I’m not sure. He just bought a house with a dude. So…
movita: (sighing) I’m pretty sure this isn’t going to work out.
2.0 later told me that the man in question had indeed purchased a house with another man, but more importantly, had also purchased a velour leisure suit.
Remember when I told you about that six-inch classic layer cake? How it makes the perfect amount of batter for six-inch pans? Well, this recipe is the perfect amount of icing for that same sized cake – just in case you’re too afraid to make something like German buttercream. This is a classic, American buttercream. It will yield enough to frost a two-layer, six inch cake. There’s not enough for fancy piping – just enough to cover your cake with a few extra swirls.
Did I tell you that on my birthday, I was so exhausted from my day at the bakery, that I DIDN’T EVEN EAT A PIECE OF MY OWN BIRTHDAY CAKE? That 2.0 had a big, buttercream-slathered cake awaiting my arrival, and that I couldn’t even manage a bite? Nope. Instead we ate hamburgers and went to bed. Exhausted, but happy…
. . .
Buttercream Icing for a Six-Inch Cake
Yields enough to frost a two-layer, six-inch cake.
- 1/2 cup unsalted butter, room temperature
- 2 tablespoons cream cheese (optional), room temperature
- 1/8 teaspoon salt
- 2 cups icing (confectioner’s) sugar, sifted
- 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
- 1-2 tablespoons heavy cream
Mise en place – begin by getting organized. Measure out all of your ingredients. Be sure your butter and cream cheese are at room temperature.
Note: the cream cheese in this recipe is optional – I like to add it in for a little extra creaminess and to help balance the sweetness. Feel free to leave it out if you don’t have any on hand.
In the bowl of your stand mixer (or with a hand-held mixer), beat the butter and cream cheese on medium speed until smooth – 2-3 minutes. Be sure the mixture is smooth, or you will have lumps in your frosting. Mix in the salt.
Reduce speed to low, add 1 cup of the icing sugar, and mix until combined. Add the vanilla and 1 tablespoon of the heavy cream, and mix until well combined. Add the second cup of icing sugar and mix on low speed until well combined. Add the additional tablespoon of heavy cream (if desired, for consistency), and beat on medium speed until smooth and floofy.
Additional icing sugar or heavy cream may be added (just a little at a time), until the desired consistency is achieved.