bake my cake 2013: mellissa’s cake
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Our next Bake My Cake 2013 entry comes from Mellissa. She has a lovely blog called I Breathe… I’m Hungry. Her blog won’t kill you like mine will, because she blogs about low carb and gluten free food. Her site is gorgeous, and she even has an e-cookbook that you can download! Have you ever written a cookbook? I didn’t think so.
Mellissa sent the following note with her entry:
Dear Movita, (aka Rachael),
Congrats on graduating from baking school! You are an inspiration to us all – living the dream and reinventing yourself. I admire your courage, and you make me laugh all the time which is why even though I hate baking, I made this cake for you to celebrate your graduation. It almost killed me. But it was worth it in the end, I just wish you could taste it!
I thought long and hard about what to make for you, and in the end I decided to stay true to my low carb/gluten free way of eating and blogging. But since the competition is stiff, (I mean seriously, Shannon from PT is probably going to make a diorama cake of all your baking school exploits with tiny fondant mixers that actually work – I want to hate her for being so awesome but I just can’t because…well…she’s awesome.) I had to do something to stand out. And since my piping skills are minimal, and my patience even more so, I made you a cake with bacon on it. Because bacon is always a winner – this is a known fact of any cooking competition, so why should a baking competition be any different?! I also made tiny squee-worthy ice cream cones out of bacon and lined them with melted dark chocolate, which I then stuffed with coffee ice cream. It was so good it almost brought a tear to my eye.
And so I give you, The Epic Bacon Chocolate Mocha Ice Cream Cake. Dense chocolate cake (low carb and gluten free of course), layered with coffee ice cream and slathered with a chocolate mocha ganache. Then I pressed crispy crumbled bacon into the sides and piped on a mocha whipped cream frosting. Topped with chocolate lined bacon cones and a scoop of coffee ice cream. I almost wrote LOL on top in frosting just to be funny, but didn’t want to get disqualified! ha ha! 😉
…
Congrats again,
Mellissa
Ice cream cones made out of bacon. Let’s just take a moment here.
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.
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Ice cream cones made out of bacon, lined with melted dark chocolate and stuffed with coffee ice cream. Preach it! Rich chocolate cake? Layers of coffee ice cream? Chocolate mocha ganache? CRISPY CRUMBLED BACON?! In our house, bacon is king. Even ebony-the-cat loves the stuff. Actually, ebony wouldn’t think twice about killing you for bacon.
Now, I want you to imagine that you are hosting a dinner party. Something like the ones you see on Martha Stewart. Actually, Martha is there. She’s a guest. You have a huge yard – probably a vineyard – and it is a warm summer evening. You’ve got a long, rustic wooden table lined with flowers and twinkling candles. You also have twinkle lights strung throughout the trees that line your party area. (You hung them up there yourself, because Martha would, and you didn’t use a ladder.) There’s a string quartet playing boring dinner party music. Your celebrity guests have dined on edible flowers (gross, but Martha insisted), and food that is artfully arranged on white plates. Gwyneth Paltrow is talking about goji berries and kale. People are rolling their eyes. AND THEN YOU BRING OUT THIS CAKE. Martha pushes past the other guests, grabs the cake and eats it all by herself.
The end.
That’s how amazing this cake is. Martha would risk pissing off Gwyneth just to have some.
Thanks for the graduation cake, Mellissa! I adore it. As in: knock-Gwyneth-over-just-to-get-some adore it.
If you love Mellissa’s cake as much as I do, you can cast a vote for it on Monday, June 17th, 2013.
dear, sweet mellissa: I think you’re pretty awesome too. And this cake? AMAZING; who even does stuff like this in real life? You do. it’s like a professionally-decorated massive cake tower with incredible flavor (i know this because after reading about it, i’m hungry and can almost taste it.
I may or may not have done precisely what you said I would do for this competition. but here’s the thing to remember: I NEVER WIN. No matter what I do, and no matter how intricate and insane my designs are, i lose, and i lose BIG. at times, i’ve lost to people 1/3 of my age. so keep the faith, because i may be competing against you, but if history is any indication, you’ll have zero problem kicking my butt to the curb with this beautiful cake of yours.
Dear Shannon,
Your pitiful attempts at making me (and everyone else) feel sorry for you…TOTALLY WORKED! I might even vote for you now. GAH! Well played girl, well played. 😉 #theforceisstrongwiththisone
PS. can’t wait to see your cake! I don’t know who’s entry I was more excited to see posted this week, mine or yours! ha ha!
*yesssssss* 🙂
ha! I hope you haven’t set yourself up for disappointment regarding my cake, Mellissa. I’ll say this though: now you have me REALLY wanting to make dioramas for no good reason.
Tiny. Fondant. Mixers. Get on it! 🙂
Dude, THAT totally happened almost exactly as you described! How did you know – we spent a ton of money keeping it out of the press!? I guess the cat’s out of the bag now so I might as well tell you how it really went down: Gwyneth and Drew Barrymore were arguing the merits of goji berries in their Kale smoothies and G was all like blah, blah goji berries are the best, but D was all about the Chlorella powder, and Martha was like ENOUGH ALREADY, don’t make me shank you ho’s.
Then the cake came out and there was stunned, reverent silence. When it was announced that it was low carb and gluten free, G made her move but Martha was already in motion, and G’s skinny hide didn’t stand a chance. She went down like a ton of feathers right in front of everyone.
It didn’t help that she was totally loaded at the time (I told her to lay off the sauce but she was all like “Don’t be getting up in my grill, I’m married to Chris Martin, Yo” (Did I mention he and the band were all there playing Coldplay’s greatest hits in the background – my neighbors were totally stoked but our security team kept them from storming the party).
So yeah, Martha totally didn’t share (is anyone surprised?), Gwyneth sustained some grass stains, but no injuries except to her pride. Meanwhile Drew was crying in the corner, while rocking back and forth in the fetal position about the pigs that died for the bacon cones. The good news is that she and Gwyneth bonded in the end over their shared hatred of Martha.
All in all the party was exhausting, but a raging success. Taking all the sparkly lights down was a pain though – I mean, you know, for my staff, because being all rich and stuff, I don’t do anything hard like that myself.
Except make this epic cake – just for you. 😉 XO
bahahahahahahaa, great story Mellissa!!!! And oh my gosh, that cake!!! All my favorite things in a cake – coffee, chocolate, bacon, ice cream?!?!?! You have really outdone yourself!!!!
Thanks Gina! I don’t know what was more fun, making (and eating) that cake, or coming up with that story in response to Movita’s post! 😉
This whole post including the comments should be on SNL. Seriously you ladies are amazeballs. Mellz you get my vote for the cake and the story. Unless Shannon one ups you, then all bets are off. Freaking hilarious!
Movita you rock, I love you and I am so super proud of you. If I ever make it out your way (freaking kids sucking up all my spending money with frivolity like University and dental work, cripes) I want a bad ass baking party with bacon and booze. And I don’t even drink booze. xx
Dude, WHAT??? I was totally counting on your unconditional vote since we’re BBFF’s and stuff. That you would even consider voting for Shannon (regardless of her awesomeness) hurts me deeply. I mean……..I can’t even………how could you do this to me? *lone tear streams down face* End scene.
[…] head over to Miss Movita Beaucoup’s blog, wish her a happy graduation, and take a look at some of the other cakes competing for your affections. You can read the note I sent her along with this […]
[…] you want to impress your guests, this is DEFINITELY the cake to do it with! (Edit: Head over to Movita’s post and comments about my cake to read all about the epic party we had, during which Martha Stewart and […]
That cake rocks my world, Mellissa! But then, you totally know I love everything bacon. EVERYTHING.
This cake looks amazing and so delicious. Sweet and savory have always works for me and this would be no exception. The bacon cones are adorable and would make great appetizers on their own.
[…] far as celebratory recipes go, I kind of burnt myself out on the Bacon Cake for Bake my Cake 2013. The idea of crafting another epic low carb dessert to mark the blogiversary was exhausting even to […]
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