Last week, Derek and I went out to buy a vacuum cleaner and bought a car instead.
Derek likes to tell stories. I call them stories, because calling him a liar makes me sound mean. One of Derek’s favourite stories of late involves saying that he’s going out to run errands and also: to buy a new car. But he doesn’t ever buy that new car. When he returns from his errands, I run out to the driveway to see the new car and instead find the old one. Derek then insists that he said nothing about a new car and tells me I should be a better person and pay more attention to him.
On Friday morning, Derek and I decided we’d go out and buy a new Dyson vacuum cleaner. I was very excited because I’m really into vacuuming. On our way to the shops, Derek was, AS ALWAYS, driving in the wrong lane.
movita: I think you need to get into the righthand lane.
Derek: No, it’s okay. I’m taking you somewhere else first.
movita: Really? Where?
Derek: It’s a surprise!
movita: Oooh! I love surprises!
movita: Wait… are you just saying that because you’re in the wrong lane?
Derek: Of course not! If you must know, we’re going to buy a new car.
Now, you should know that I’m very clever. I knew that Derek was headed to the car dealership because he was a) in the wrong lane and refused to admit it, and b) needed to make an appointment to have our winter tires put on. So when we pulled up at the dealership, I sprinted to the first salesperson I could find and told her we wanted to buy a new car. And I said it in my most excited please-take-our-money voice. I told the salesperson that I thought Derek was just joking when he said we were going to buy a new car, but now that we were at the dealership I knew he must be serious. That we were really going to BUY A NEW CAR!
Because Derek still refused to admit he was lying, we bought a new car. We pick it up tomorrow. And after leaving the dealership, we had to buy a Dyson vacuum cleaner because if we didn’t I’d think he was lying about that too.
Should you ever find yourself in the position of spending thousands of dollars to cover up your lies, know that a new car manual and the assembly instructions for a Dyson vacuum cleaner are quite soothing.