sidewalk cat
Recently, my friend Bobbie shared this photo on Instagram:
That’s one of her best friends, Sequins, waiting for his dinner in a high chair. Because that’s how Sequins rolls.
It got me thinking about an incident that occurred over a decade ago when Bobbie came to visit me in… where I was living at the time. I’m not sure if the following incident is punishable by law, nor do I know the statute of limitations in such cases, so I need to safeguard some information.
Back in July of 2003, Bobbie came to visit me in that unnamed place, and spent the better part of a week tormenting the locals and spreading sexually-based rumours about me. One evening, whilst walking home from the grocery store, we dropped a large bottle of teriyaki sauce on the sidewalk. I can’t remember how it happened, but I can assure you it wasn’t deliberate – just one of those freak condiment accidents. The bottle shattered and thick sauce splattered across the walkway. Naturally, we did what any other mature adults would do in the same situation: we ran away (fast), leaving shards of glass and a perilous trail of delectable glaze in our wake.
We didn’t sleep well that night – perhaps it was the guilt associated with our misdemeanour. I mean, who abandons broken glass and teriyaki sauce in front of someone’s house? Criminals, that’s who.
The following morning, we retraced our steps and found this calling card in place of the fractured bottle:
The Sidewalk Cat.
It is my belief that a gang of rogue cats cleaned up our mess, and left this ominous insignia behind. A warning, perhaps? Of what, I’m not sure. I suspect it had something to do with Japanese cuisine.
.
I love it when you bare your soul 🙂
This is like the crack monster on Sesame Street……the stuff of nightmares.
You have been marked, behold your doooooooooooooooom!
Ok, I saw the ballerina and thought “Oh goodie! She is going to explain an obscure ballet that in my cultural ignorance I have totally missed.” But I could see the cat without the lines.
A ballet called Sidewalk Cat would be, like, the best ballet EVER.
There are few people on this earth that can make me as happy as you….
Dear Pussycat,
Please see the comment below. We no longer need to live in fear of prosecution.
That said, we really should get together in the the near to
commit more crimescatch up.Love ‘n tickles,
Owl
~~~~~~On High Crimes and Misdemeanors~~~~~
Fortunately Rachael, under the laws of Canada, the statute of limitations for the criminal prosecutions of summary offenses is 6 months after the act which constitutes the crime—in this case, alleged littering and causing a disturbance, and is therefore most likely is a simple summary offense, at worst.
Given the fact that the infamous cat caper took place a decade ago, and that there has been no criminal prosecution as of this date, you are free to admit to your participation if you wish. In fact you should wear it as a badge of honor.
I have seen this sort of pavement marking left by a “presumed” gang of cats on one other occasion, 12 years ago in the western US, and after a thorough investigation it was determined that the pavement marking was not a warning, but instead simply a catty thank you note. Meow~~~~~
Doug
Aaaaaand yet another reader proves he is funnier than I am.
{That said, I will most definitely sleep well tonight. Thanks, Doug!}
I think my favorite part of this is that it happened over a decade ago, and yet you still hung on to that photo of the pavement cat. I’m not judging, I’m just marveling at how awesome that is.
I feel like you’re judging me.
I once dropped a bottle of mead in the street and ran away. I didn’t return to the scene of the crime but I probably would have found the local tramps sucking the ground rather than the calling card of a feline gange.
I wish you’d taken a picture. (Of the local tramps, not the mead.)
I’m so glad Doug cleared up the statute issue. It’s just serendipity that Bobbie sent you that photo, which naturally lead you to feeling guilty about the “incident.”
I had to call in a favor from a former lead investigator of my agency and she was able to access the archives of the US Federal Felis Catus-Crime Syndicate Investigation (USFFC-CSI). Felicity—yes that is really her name—-was able to locate, and forward to me, the photographic evidence of the pavement markings made by the cat gang I spoke of earlier, from 12 years ago in the western US.
While the photographic evidence Felicity passed on to me is still considered as Classified, I feel that I must share it with you Rachel, as it strongly supports your determination that the calling card you and Bobbie found on the pavement in Canada was almost certainly the work of a gang of cats. That cat gang in Canada is now believed by the USFFC-CSI to be a sister chapter of the Semper Felis gang, which originated out of the Chinatown District of San Francisco and which has spread throughout North America over the past two decades.
While the gang originally consisted of mostly Siamese cats, over the years it has become fully integrated, and even Persians are now hold leadership positions within the individual gangs.
It all makes perfect sense now why the spilled teriyaki sauce so appealed to the palates of the gang members. Meow~~~~
http://33.media.tumblr.com/ba6947c7af77a2f10b9cae4ff16416f3/tumblr_muqbqwJEnv1r8vrhxo1_500.jpg
This is EXACTLY why we don’t let our cats go outside. I thank you, sir, for the information. I’ve been doing some reading, and understand that gang life centres on: reputation, respect and retaliation. All things that cats excel at. I will remain vigilant.
i’d feel remiss if i didn’t say this to you: that’s not a kitty cat that left you that note. that’s a rat, which is worse. and i’m almost sure that the whole legal jargon your friend told you is not the same for rat crime. i’m just saying, now that this is out there, the Rat Gang will be after you. THEY KNOW WHO YOU ARE NOW.
Doug is totally owning it with the comments in this thread. As a law-talkin’ gal, I’m sad that I wasn’t able to drop the statute of limitations info on you before he did (and just so you know to always take my advice with a very large grain of salt, I originally typed that as “limits of statutations”). I once dropped a bottle of wine right outside my house after climbing out of my car. I may or may not have tried sucking what wine I could salvage between the rotting leaves and the shards of glass.