love letter, september 1, 1989

I was about to start my final year of high school. An envelope arrived by post. The return address indicated that its contents had been written by a fellow scholar. This soulful young man used to telephone every girl I knew on a regular basis. In those days, young romantics had to deal with busy signals and the anxieties associated with actually speaking to the object of their affection. Often, this boy used different accents when placing these calls, so if your dad told you some guy from Germany was on the phone, you knew who it was. Impassioned declarations of love were his jam. And I guess when the phone calls weren’t successful, he switched his modus operandi to letter writing.

The words send me a picture were scribbled across the back flap of the envelope.

love letter // movita beaucoup

Sept. 1, 1989

Rachel,

What can I say, I love you, I wish I’d told you sooner. It may not have made a difference but I don’t really know. It’s the one regret I’ll never forget. I miss your voice so much. I know you probably don’t really care, but it was helpful that you were around when I needed a person to talk to. Most of this is babbling except the first sentence.

This is a very direct approach. Get right to it, you know? Bam! I love you. That said, if this relationship is going to last, you should probably learn how to spell my name.

I was going to say this to you when I talked to you but I don’t know what happened:

If I show you my dark side will you still hold me tonight? And if I opened my heart to show you my weak side, what would you do? Would you send me packing? Or would you take me in?

No. There will be no taking in. I cannot tell you how happy I am that you didn’t say that on the telephone. Even your signature British accent wouldn’t have made it more palatable.

Enough of that. The graduation went well. I have a travel claim for $200 coming, but I don’t know what for. At the end of this month I have another cheque from the militia. Again, I don’t know what for.

Wait. What? I feel like we’re getting off topic here.

I’m in my new home, quite beautiful actually, and quite secluded, so my want of a car has now become a NEED!!! Oh. Well.

Secluded. Duly noted.

Here are some lyrics you may or may not like:

“The rusty wire, that holds the cork, that keeps the anger in, gives way and suddenly, it’s day again.”

Kind of imagining arriving at your secluded home in the trunk of your car…

In your letter tell me what your doing this year etc. etc. ok?

This is a nice touch. Directives are very effective. Assume I’ll be writing you back.

Love,

A Man Who Will One Day Show Up At Your Workplace Wearing A Cape

(Not his real name.)

P.S. I love you.

Of course you do.

.

 

39 Comments

  1. emmalina73 on July 31, 2014 at 1:48 pm

    I worship you.

    • movita beaucoup on July 31, 2014 at 4:49 pm

      Of course you do.

  2. cynthia on July 31, 2014 at 2:02 pm

    This is incredible.

  3. natalie @ wee eats on July 31, 2014 at 2:02 pm

    BAHAHAHAHAHAH

    This totally made my morning. And yet, no one has shown up in a cape yet… right? I can’t wait for him to show up in a cape.

    • movita beaucoup on July 31, 2014 at 4:50 pm

      Cripes, Natalie. Stop trying to steal my lover.

  4. IgnorantBystander on July 31, 2014 at 2:21 pm

    It might help ease your yearning to know that the weirdest of that content comes from 2 Pink Floyd songs on the “The Final Cut” album (The Final Cut & 2 Suns in the Sunset) circa 1983. Psychotic ramblings aside, proper attribution is just good manners.

    The latter is actually a most fine tune with a kickin’ 80’s sax solo despite being about nuclear holocaust. In England of all places. Bet it was foggy. Whaddayagonnado.

    The first one is full of bone fide psycho imagery and – well – I for one am relieved that you didn’t end up in the trunk of Captain CapeMan’s car.

    • movita beaucoup on July 31, 2014 at 4:51 pm

      I almost felt better after reading this. And then I was all: why does he know this stuff? And then I felt sad. Happy-sad, but sad nonetheless.

      • IgnorantBystander on August 1, 2014 at 4:48 pm

        Some of us had lives BEFORE The Internet™.

        It consisted of
        – vinyl record albums of some of our favorite bands (and even, for some people, Gino Vannelli)
        – hitch-hiking
        – springy metal clips around our ankles to prevent our jeans from getting mangled in bicycle chains and leading to fiery death
        – swimmin’ holes
        – drinking outdoor rink water from a hole in the ice (warning: may cause scrofula)
        – trying to remain conscious in church

        • movita beaucoup on August 1, 2014 at 6:37 pm

          This sounds very much like my pre-internet life except I didn’t have to go to church. I guess my parents figured there was no saving me…

    • Mike Harvey on August 2, 2014 at 5:49 am

      Thanks for reminding me of this album. I haven’t played if for years despite it being possibly the best thing The Roger Waters Band ever produced. I really must get my albums transferred to CD somehow so I can play them again.

  5. Willow @ Will Cook For Friends on July 31, 2014 at 2:47 pm

    Bahahaha! I think the only thing that would make this more epic is if he were to find this post.

  6. Lynne Knowlton on July 31, 2014 at 4:13 pm

    You just made my day annnnnnnd, not gonna lie, I pee’d my pants a little. Not sure if it was from laughing or for fear of your life. That steak knife. Haha. Perfect addition to the photo. Did you steal it from Ponderosa?

    xx

    • movita beaucoup on July 31, 2014 at 7:31 pm

      That is the most murderous knife I could find in my house. It may or may not be from Ponderosa.

  7. ironwoodfarm on July 31, 2014 at 6:48 pm

    Holy flashback, Batman! I keep forgetting that you have been stalked more than your average person.
    Please tell me you haven’t kept the letters I sent to you on wallpaper that I tore off my bedroom walls…actually, please tell me you have kept said letters…

    • movita beaucoup on August 1, 2014 at 7:14 am

      I have a great number of your letters. Though… I can’t find any on wallpaper. Maybe the disintegrated?

  8. glutenfreezen on July 31, 2014 at 8:18 pm

    Hmmm. I’d beware of breaking his heart and let this friendship go easily. ha You wouldn’t want him mailing you his ear. 😉

    • movita beaucoup on August 1, 2014 at 7:20 am

      Let’s hope that Canada Post screens for that sort of thing…

  9. Maureen | Orgasmic Chef on July 31, 2014 at 8:58 pm

    That you saved this absolutely makes my day. 🙂

  10. Nandini b on July 31, 2014 at 10:14 pm

    My first question, and there is a long list, why did you keep this? We’ll get to the follow up questions later. 😉

    • movita beaucoup on August 1, 2014 at 7:13 am

      Why WOULDN’T I keep it? When you receive a letter as epic as this, YOU KEEP IT. Forever.

  11. Stephbo on July 31, 2014 at 10:30 pm

    Wow! You sure do attract the winners! I can’t even begin to fathom how you could have let such a fine man as our dear Caped One slip away.

    • movita beaucoup on August 1, 2014 at 7:16 am

      It was tough to let him go, but I had SO many other interesting men to move on to…

  12. Christine on July 31, 2014 at 11:20 pm

    Some guy with a German accent called…once a week. Remember his name, Dad! I recall the letter. I recall the cape…and the staff…not a lot of people couple pull that off in a rural Canadian high school…not sure that he did….man you attracted a wid variety of well…yeah…there was a trend since primary…me standing between you and k.dumphy, he pledging his love and or threatening to push you down…your love life really took off from there…

    • movita beaucoup on August 1, 2014 at 7:23 am

      I’m like America. Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses of undateable…

  13. cardsbymo on July 31, 2014 at 11:40 pm

    The nice thing about phone calls is, that unless they are made in the United States between 9/11 and today, they aren’t recorded. And therefore, no one can prove how creepy you may have been at some point in your adolescent life.

    • movita beaucoup on August 3, 2014 at 8:39 am

      I don’t want to brag, but I WAS Miss Congeniality of my grad class. Creepy, yes. But also: very nice about it.

  14. Stacy on August 1, 2014 at 3:48 am

    Snorting coffee out of my nose again. So I thank you. Hysterical, and disturbing, as usual.

  15. Sandra R on August 1, 2014 at 9:44 am

    This is hilarious! I hope your teen-aged self was as smart-ass as your adult self. I would hate to think of you taking this guy even a tiny bit seriously.
    The guy in a cape thing reminds me of the beginning of freshman year in college. My boyfriend and I were walking to class and this handsome stunning guy (tall, muscular, bright red hair down to his shoulders) walks by wearing a full length black cape, over formal wear. This was maybe 10 AM on an August day in Ky. He made an impression, you know?
    I should have gotten suspicious when my boyfriend offered to introduce us at dinner. The guy was from his dorm. This glorious example of manhood was dumb as a rock. I kid you not. My boyfriend was laughing the entire time I kept trying to engage him in conversation at any level. Hopeless.
    Beware men in capes.

    • movita beaucoup on August 3, 2014 at 8:42 am

      My teenaged self was not very smart ass, and fairy insecure. Still, I didn’t take this bloke seriously at all. Actually, I had a boyfriend at the time. Didn’t seem to deter the caped avenger in the least.

      I feel like your caped dude and my caped dude would have been the best of friends. Though my caped dude was quite intelligent…

  16. Lan | morestomach on August 1, 2014 at 10:49 am

    DID BATMAN SHOW UP AT YOUR OFFICE TOO????

    in 8th grade a boy wrote me an EPIC poem, complete with rhyming words and a drawing of a rose. i will now go look for it so i can scan it to send to you. Stalked Girls Unite.

    • movita beaucoup on August 1, 2014 at 11:46 am

      Don’t tease me. I NEED TO SEE THAT LETTER.

  17. Amy on August 1, 2014 at 10:51 am

    Haha, That’s hysterical! And weird. Do you still speak to this guy? Because I’d love to know where he is and what he does now, or if he’s in jail.

    • movita beaucoup on August 1, 2014 at 11:41 am

      No, Amy, I don’t still speak with him. Hopefully he’s met someone worthy of his extreme affection and they’re living happily ever after. I’m sure 2.0 wouldn’t want to have to compete with someone who writes letters like the one up above…

  18. Pang @ circahappy on August 1, 2014 at 12:12 pm

    I have never liked any non food post as much as this 🙂
    Direct, confident and sweet rolled into one LETTER!!!!… oh how I love the good old day 🙂

    • movita beaucoup on August 3, 2014 at 8:42 am

      Thanks, Pang! When I read your comment I squealed with delight!

  19. Aussa Lorens on August 4, 2014 at 10:49 pm

    Ahh hahahaha this is truly amazing. I… I don’t even know what to do here except share it with the world.

  20. themessybakerblog on August 5, 2014 at 9:42 pm

    I’m no longer feeling awkward for saving a bunch of old high school love letters. I love that you revisited this letter live, on the blog. A cape? I’d like to see that.

  21. Juls on August 6, 2014 at 2:53 am

    Ugh. Do you want to know about stupid fucking men? I was meant to be married this Thursday. Sunday he calls it off. Quite aside from the marriage and the unreclaimable thousands spent, I won’t get the awesome cake anymore. I looked bangin’ in that dress as well, whilst his hair and beard grew in different directions. No one should ever think that marrying (or planning to marry) a ‘nice man’. Four days before. What a total arsehole. At least your letter-writer had zest.

  22. shannon on August 8, 2014 at 8:39 am

    i would STILL actually be in hiding if i received this. STILL. Living under a completely different identity. I LOVE that you actually saved this, although, it’s evidence, so hopefully you keep it in a sealed plastic baggie.

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