tole tales

tole tales // movita beaucoup

When 2.0 and I first met, he lived in an apartment with his cat, Ebony. 2.0’s job requires him to travel a fair bit, and when called away, I’d check on Ebony for him. This meant Ebony could stay where she was most comfortable, and it seemed more practical than bringing her to my apartment.

Side note: I once witnessed Ebony running from one end of 2.0’s apartment to the other, hissing and charging at the patio door. It was pretty terrifying. 2.0 said, “She just saw her reflection in the patio door and thought it was another cat.” Just to be clear: she murdered that cat. And that’s why Ebony wasn’t invited to stay with my real cats.

Side note to the side note: eventually we all moved into the same house. It was as terrifying as you might expect.

So, we’d only been dating for a few months when 2.0 informed me that he’d have to take an extended trip for work. He was pretty stressed about it. Not because he had to leave me, but because he had to leave Ebony. When he told me he’d asked his landlord to come feed her once a day, I suggested that I could do a much better job of taking care of her. But when I told him Mrs. Rutherford offered to help out as well, 2.0 looked alarmed. “Like the last time? I’m not sure. She’ll probably make fun of Ebony.” And I thought: because Ebony’s… pleasantly plump? “You know,” he continued, “because Mrs. Rutherford made fun of my sled.”

Of course. The sled. 2.0 was still mad about the sled. He hadn’t yet been formally introduced to Mrs. Rutherford, but he’d already decided she was trouble. This was, of course, a great relief, as I had encouraged 2.0 to form his own opinion about The Rutherfords, but I also knew that I couldn’t be with someone who actually liked them.

the sled | movita beaucoup

Mrs. Rutherford and I had discovered the sled a few weeks prior when checking on Ebony. I was taking care of Ebony’s food in the kitchen and Mrs. Rutherford was in the living room, rubbing Ebony’s ears.

Mrs. Rutherford: Rach?

movita: Yah?

Mrs. Rutherford: Uh… what’s this sled?

movita: What sled?

Mrs. Rutherford: 2.0 has a tole painted sled out here.

I immediately engaged Super Speed Mode to get to the living room.

movita: (looking at the sled) What the hell?

Mrs. Rutherford: Yah. It’s a little sled.

movita: Where’d you find it?

Mrs. Rutherford: Right here, by the couch.

movita: Beside the couch?

Mrs. Rutherford: Yah, tucked in here. It’s sparkly.

movita: And there are snowmen painted on it. (struggling to come to terms with the discovery) Why does he have it?

Mrs. Rutherford: I dunno. You haven’t seen this before?

movita: No.

Mrs. Rutherford: Wow. It’s so…

movita: Yah. Look, we haven’t been dating long…

When 2.0 returned from his trip, I immediately asked about the sled.

movita: But WHERE did it come from?

2.0: Why? Don’t you like it?

movita: I didn’t say that. I’m just wondering why you have it. Did your mother make it?

2.0: What if I made it?

movita: DID you make it?

2.0: No.

movita: Oh. Did you… (whispering) inherit it?

2.0: No. Maybe I just really like it. Don’t you like it?

movita: Well, it’s very small. It’s not like you could ACTUALLY sled on it. And you’ve never said anything about liking tole painting before. It just seems…

2.0: You don’t like it.

movita: I didn’t say that.

2.0: But Mrs. Rutherford was making fun of it?

movita: Yes. Yes, she was.

2.0: Well, I don’t think I’m going to like her very much.

movita: Nope. You probably won’t.

And that’s why 2.0 loathes The Rutherfords just as much as I do.


13 Responses to tole tales

  1. Maureen | Orgasmic Chef October 18, 2014 at 8:47 am #

    I think Mrs. Rutherford sticks her nose where it doesn’t belong. It’s a beautiful sled and perfect for the cat.

    • movita beaucoup October 18, 2014 at 8:55 am #

      Right? I mean, who offers to help take care of a stranger’s cat? SO SELFISH. Also, I think I’m gunna get the sled out for the cats today. (In anticipation of snow.)

  2. thatskinnychickcanbake October 18, 2014 at 8:56 am #

    Was 2.0 channeling his inner interior decorator? Too funny!

    • movita beaucoup October 18, 2014 at 8:57 am #

      You’ve gotta know that 2.0 has… no interior decorator. Which made the discovery especially odd. It was the most decorative thing in the whole apartment!

  3. IgnorantBystander October 18, 2014 at 9:34 am #

    When things eventually go spectacularly awry, at least you’ll be able to look back and tell yourself that you should have seen it coming.

    Because of the sled.

    The sled gave me ebola just from reading this.

    • movita beaucoup October 18, 2014 at 11:18 am #

      Excellent point – your foreshadowing has been duly noted. Also, good luck with your recovery. Lemme know if a sled ride might help…

  4. Stacy October 18, 2014 at 12:20 pm #

    Their eyes are just so sad. Which makes me sad. I am consoled that Frosty grew up to have a successful career in film. Let It Snow must have been so proud.

  5. Karen @ Karen's Kitchen Stories October 18, 2014 at 1:21 pm #

    Way to drop the subject at exactly the right time. I’m still laughing at “super speed mode.”

  6. Chocolate Chilli Mango® October 18, 2014 at 5:51 pm #

    Belly laugh of the day has been had haha

    Still laughing at “super speed mode”. I’m surprised you didn’t take it to “ludicrous speed”!

    I hope you cleared up the whole tole painting/tiny sled fetish thing before accepting proposals of marriage. But hey a common enemy can make one gloss over stuff like that 😀

    • Doug October 18, 2014 at 10:17 pm #

      We’ll Rachael,

      As there is no context for the size of the sled— other than it being described as “small”—-I am left to use my (somewhat warped) imagination.

      That being said, if the sled really is pretty small I might suggest mounting it on the wall in the bath room next to the commode and hanging a roll of TP off the dowel. If it’s a bit bigger than “small”, then a double-roll holder for the big parties you and 2.0 throw would be just perfect!

      Instant, ornate holder!! 😉

      Warm regards,


      • movita beaucoup October 19, 2014 at 7:07 pm #

        This is making me re-think the sled’s permanent display area in our laundry room. We need to put that thing in the most important room in the house! Thanks, Doug, for your advice. 2.0 will be most appreciative, I can assure you.

  7. Nancy @ gottagetbaked October 23, 2014 at 9:22 pm #

    I know this puts me into Rutherford territory (a place no one wants to be) but I would’ve made fun of the sled too! Although I may have held my tongue out of fear – their dark soulless eyes are freaking me out! Snowmama looks like she would shank a b*tch with that corn cob pipe.

    • movita beaucoup October 26, 2014 at 8:16 am #

      This is an excellent point. I mean, so many people look nice on the surface, but are shankers on the inside. Also, it always makes me happy to know that I’ve turned so many people against the Rutherfords. They really are awful.

Leave a Comment