crap no. 30

mr rutherfords cake // movita beaucoup

Murder Couple is MIA. I have noticed an unmarked white van driving around the neighbourhood, but can’t see the driver well enough to know if it’s one of them. Fingers crossed!

Speaking of horrible couples, I made a birthday cake for Mr. Rutherford on the weekend. I was feeling pretty bad about making a cake for one of my enemies, but then I almost stepped on a dead mouse in the studio the other night and Mr. Rutherford disposed of its body for me. As a result, I will pretend to think The Rutherfords are decent people for 72 hours. (Because that’s how long it will take the for the smell of decomposing rodent to fade from the studio.)

movita's etsy shop // movita beaucoup

Dorey has no desire to leave her basement apartment. I’ve been trying to lure her out with food but she eats it and then scampers back down to her private quarters. Of course, 2.0 bought her a massive cat condo (now the largest and most expensive piece of furniture we own), so I can’t really blame her for hunkering down.

dorey // movita beaucoup

Recent arguments with 2.0:

  • I say: hindsight is 20/20, 2.0 insists the expression should be: eyesight is 20/20
  • I say: six of one, half dozen of the other, 2.0 insists the expression would be better as: six to one, half dozen to the other
  • as in the past, after the time change earlier this month 2.0 asked, “But what is the REAL time?” for two goddamned days
  • when to fill the car with gas
  • who is loading the new dishwasher correctly
  • who Niles likes best

crap // movita beaucoup

Last night when I arrived home after teaching, 2.0 met me at the door with a frown on his face.

2.0: You put the frosting in the same container as the cat food.

movita: What? (taking off my coat) The same container? How tired was I?

2.0: No, not in the same container. The SAME container.

movita: Okay, honey? I’ve been working with teenagers all night. I’m going to need you to be a little less angst-filled. What happened? I mixed cat food into your frosting?

2.0: No. YOU PUT THE LEFTOVER ICING IN A CONTAINER THAT LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE THE ONE YOU PUT THE CAT FOOD IN.

movita: And?

2.0: And? AND?! I almost ate it!

movita: The cat food?

2.0: YES!

movita: Did you eat the cat food? It’s okay – you can tell me.

2.0: No. But I had a big spoonful lifted up to my mouth before I realized it wasn’t frosting. I ALMOST ATE CAT FOOD!

movita: Weren’t you just complaining that we spend too much money on cat food?

2.0:

movita: I’m just saying that if you’re going to start eating cat food, we’ll have to start buying in bulk.

2.0: I feel like you aren’t taking this very seriously.

movita: Have you had dinner yet? Do you want me to make you something? Or did you fill up on Fancy Feast?

2.0:

17 Responses to crap no. 30

  1. Teresa March 21, 2017 at 8:47 pm #

    OMG! you make me laugh like no other!! :o) ….and I mean belly laugh…..always….

  2. Kara March 21, 2017 at 8:49 pm #

    I love that you don’t even blink an eye that 2.0 was just about to chow down on frosting. Big old spoonfuls of frosting? Have at it! (We could be friends!) I am a little concerned that he may not have paused a moment to look at it…what sort of frosting looks like cat food????

    • movita beaucoup March 21, 2017 at 8:51 pm #

      Apparently chocolate Swiss meringue buttercream!! (Our bodies run on butter and sugar.)

  3. Lady Tofu March 21, 2017 at 9:12 pm #

    Bahahahahah!! *wheez*. Thank you for mining your personal life for stories to share. I love your 2.0 conversations!!
    Wah!!! Murder couple where are they?!
    Thank you for the kitty picture!!
    Bestest Bests!!

  4. Cherrill March 21, 2017 at 9:19 pm #

    Half dozen to the other? What kind of monster….

  5. the incurable dreamer March 21, 2017 at 10:36 pm #

    HA! Thanks for the laugh! 🙂

  6. Maureen March 21, 2017 at 10:43 pm #

    You should put kitty pics on the side of the cat food container and paint lips on the frosting container. Easy.

  7. Sarah March 21, 2017 at 10:53 pm #

    2.0 and J both don’t understand how expressions work. I feel like you and I have similar arguments. Likewise, J can’t load a dishwasher correctly.
    You and I may be related. Or all men are essentially the same.

    • Stephbo March 27, 2017 at 5:47 pm #

      I call that the Y chromosome effect. It’s not just your man; it’s ALL men.

  8. Karen @ Karen's Kitchen Stories March 22, 2017 at 12:05 am #

    In our house:
    Mr. Kitchen: You’re driving Sarah to the bus on Thursday. She has a doctor appointment that day.
    Me: Sarah has a doctor’s appointment?
    Mr. Kitchen: No, Cammie has a doctor’s appointment.

  9. Natalie @ wee eats March 22, 2017 at 12:48 am #

    You’re right on the hindsight, I supposed the six/half dozen could go either way, but we say “to” here (that’s all I’ve heard actually) and the one single solitary benefit of living in Arizona – no daylight savings time so it’s always the same time. I do however have to constantly figure out how far off I am from my pals in other locations – is it three hours different? Two? I give up.

  10. evgeniayums March 22, 2017 at 4:48 am #

    It’s us, the girls, who load the dishwasher better! Dah!! Guys just load it more like a tetris game . Agh! It’s the nightmare of my life!

  11. dayuntoday March 22, 2017 at 7:58 am #

    Okay, that cat food/frosting convo sent me into a mild fit of hysteria. Maybe I’m just in a weird mood this morning, but that was just hilarious!

  12. Rick March 22, 2017 at 12:08 pm #

    Catfood or frosting … I’d say it’s six of one, half dozen of the other …

  13. sublimedelights March 22, 2017 at 12:24 pm #

    Haha that was great about the containers and cat food. Cats rule our house too

  14. thatskinnychickcanbake March 22, 2017 at 6:10 pm #

    We have the dishwasher loading debate over and over. He now can do that task without my assistance 🙂 Your Fancy Feast retort made me choke on my tea!!!

  15. Stephbo March 27, 2017 at 5:49 pm #

    2.0 had no business eating frosting without your supervision. As my grandma always said, that’ll learn him.

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