Several years ago, 2.0 presented me with a golf club and claimed it was an anniversary gift. It was not. (I don’t golf.) My sister, Haddy, was visiting at the time, and told him it was the most thoughtful anniversary gift she’d ever seen. It was not. (She just likes to side with 2.0.) So, when 2.0 announced that he had personally selected a birthday gift for my sister, I got pretty excited.
2.0: I have something for your sister’s birthday.
movita: Really? What?
(A golf club. Please let it be a golf club.)
2.0: Do you think she was serious when she said she wanted sex for her birthday?
(I doubt it, but let’s see where this is headed.)
2.0: Really? I can’t tell with you two.
movita: Yes, she wants sex for her birthday. She never lies.
2.0: Okay. Well, I got her a man.
movita: Really? Where?
2.0: At work.
movita: What’s he like?
2.0: I dunno.
movita: Is he nice?
movita: Is he single?
2.0: I guess so.
movita: Does he talk about a girlfriend? A wife? Have you seen him with a woman?
2.0: I don’t think so.
movita: What does he look like?
2.0: A dude.
movita: Your eloquent words have painted a vivid picture upon the canvas of my imagination.
movita: Did you tell him about my sister?
movita: Can you help me out here? Can you tell me ANYTHING?
movita: Alright, let’s try this: do you think she’ll like him?
2.0: Well, if it turns out he isn’t gay, then she’s really gunna like him.
movita: Wait… what?
2.0: Well, I’m not sure. He just bought a house with a dude, so–
movita: I’m pretty sure this isn’t going to work out, honey.