double-dealing

A few years ago, 2.0 and I went out to by a vacuum cleaner and bought a car instead.

2.0 likes to tell stories. I call them stories, because calling him a liar makes me sound mean. One of 2.0’s favourite stories involves saying that he’s going out to run errands, and also: to buy a new car. But he doesn’t ever buy that new car. When he returns from his errands, I run out to the driveway to see the new car and instead find the old one. 2.0 then insists that he said nothing about a new car and tells me I should be a better person and pay more attention to him.

One morning, 2.0 and I decided we’d buy a new vacuum cleaner. A Dyson! I was very excited because I’m really into vacuuming. On our way to the shops, 2.0 was, AS ALWAYS, driving in the wrong lane.

movita: I think you need to get into the righthand lane.

2.0: No. It’s okay. I’m taking you somewhere else first.

movita: Really? Where?

2.0: It’s a surprise!

movita: Oooh! I love surprises!

(pausing)

movita: Wait… are you just saying that because you’re in the wrong lane?

2.0: Of course not! If you must know, we’re going to buy a new car.

Now, you should know that I’m very clever. I knew that 2.0 was headed to the car dealership because he was a) in the wrong lane and refused to admit it, and b) needed to make an appointment to have our winter tires put on. So when we pulled up at the dealership, I sprinted to the first salesperson I could find and told her we wanted to buy a new car. And I said it in my most excited please-take-our-money voice. I told the salesperson that I thought 2.0 was just joking when he said we were going to buy a new car, but now that we at the dealership I knew he must be serious. That we were really going to BUY A NEW CAR!

Because 2.0 still refused to admit he was lying, we bought a new car. And after leaving the dealership, we had to buy a Dyson vacuum cleaner because if we didn’t I’d think he was lying about that too.

Should you ever find yourself in the position of spending thousands of dollars to cover up your lies, know that it could have been avoided if you had just admitted you were in the wrong lane.