It’s time! Competitive gingering at its best/worst! If you would like to be a part of this absolutely horrendous annual online competition, read on. THERE WILL BE YELLING.
1. Create a gingerbread house zoned residential, agricultural and/or commercial. Yes, you can glue stuff on. Yes, you can use a kit. Yes, you can use inedible add-ons. No, I will not respond to emails requesting clarification. Figure it out, bozo.
2. Let’s face it, half of you will send in ginger horses, locomotives, and crime scenes. Those aren’t houses, but I don’t give a flying fart. I have more important things to worry about (my failing body, my failing mind). So go ahead, enter your ginger whatever.
3. Yes, you can enter the gingerbread house you made last year and neglected to enter in Ginger 2017. How the hell would I know? Honestly, I don’t know what you’re thinking sometimes.
4. Send a picture (two maximum) of your ginger thing by Wednesday, December 12, 2018, 11:59 pm AST. Early entries are very much appreciated. Entries should be emailed to firstname.lastname@example.org. Photos shouldn’t include humans because I don’t like people. Creative staging and lack lustre photography are encouraged. Late entries will not be accepted. (Get it together, people.) I generally send confirmation that I’ve received your entry within 24 hours.
5. Send TWO photos only. I’m not kidding. Don’t send me six and ask me to pick two. I WILL PICK ZERO and send your entry back to you. And don’t send me a photo you found online and then claim it as your own. Not cool, dude.
6. No photo collages. You aren’t fooling anyone – we all know it’s really six photos you submitted as one thanks to the magicians at picmonkey.com.
7. Send your name, email, and any other information you might want included with your entry. Personal information (email, last name, weight) will not be posted. Just your first name, photos, and the stupid stuff you tell me about your “creative process” (aka the inspiration you found at the bottom of a bottle).
8. Do not send me entries via Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, mental telepathy or any other stupid method you might be thinking about trying. EMAIL. Email only.
9. I beg of you – tell me something, anything – about your ginger creation. I get that you are busy brushing your horses and counting your money stacks, but if you can’t be bothered to tell me a single thing about your ginger creation, I can’t be bothered to write something smart-assed about it. Do you see what is happening here? I DON’T LIKE IT WHEN MY VOICE SOUNDS LIKE THIS.
10. If you have a blog/website, please send a link. If you don’t include a link with your entry, I will assume you would prefer I don’t link to your blog. (Which, let’s face it, is a good idea because do you really want to be associated with “my brand?”)
11. Wait for your ginger thing to appear on movitabeaucoup.com (approximately December 18-20, 2018). I will make fun of it and/or you and/or your children. That’s how things work around here. Your entries will appear in groupings, organized by crappiness/awesomeness/theme. In other words, I’ll group them however I damn well please.
12. As always, there will be online polling. This is because online polling will ensure that most of you feel really crappy about yourselves. That’s what the internet was invented for. Online polling will take place December 18-21-ish, 2018. The (one) overall winner of online polling will receive the 2018 People’s Choice Prize. Just one person. You understand? ONE.
13. The 2018 Ginger Panel will determine the 1st and 2nd place winners.
14. Win bragging rights, the respect and admiration of many, and a crappy prize! (See below.) Winners will be announced on Saturday, December 22, 2018. Probably.
15. The other competitors/losers will get nothing. I don’t have sponsors, so you’ll just have to be okay with this. I will, of course, send you love which is worth, like, 4.7 million dollars.
My god, this is a terrible contest.
This year’s prizes are modest, because I just spent $1000 CDN on my most recent ass injury. I’m giving you every cent I had planned to spend on Doritos this month, but don’t let that bother you. More importantly, this is a for-fun competition. (For you, not me.)
(Determined by the 2018 Ginger Panel)
A $50.00 Amazon* gift card which you can spend on anything you darn well please, but if it were me? I’d start by adding this to my cart.
(Determined by the 2018 Ginger Panel)
A $40.00 Amazon* gift card which you can spend on anything you like, but I’d highly recommend including this.
2018 People’s Choice Prize
(Determined by the People of the Interwebs through online polling)
*Amazon US or Canada, your choice.
* * *
Yes, the winner of the People’s Choice Prize might also win the 1st or 2nd place prize. Sometimes life isn’t fair, kiddo.
The competition starts NOW!
Entries in my competitions tend to be extremely varied in terms of theme and execution. The Ginger Panel (comprised of a bunch of people I like somewhat) will determine this year’s 1st and 2nd place winners. There is no specific criteria, and their decision is final. They might consider: skill level, techniques used/attempted, mediums incorporated, bribes, overall appearance, use of theme, or the clever stories you submit about your creative process. Of course, they might just pick an entry that makes them feel sorry for the sadsack that created it.
It is entirely possible that a little kid will beat a middle-aged ginger genius to claim one or more of this year’s titles. If there’s any part of you that feels uncomfortable with getting made fun of, being judged by a panel of strangers, or being defeated by a seven year-old, please do not enter this competition.