ginger 2019

It’s time! Competitive gingering at its best/worst! If you would like to be a part of this absolutely horrendous annual online competition, read on. THERE WILL BE EXTRA YELLING AND SWEARING THIS YEAR BECAUSE I AM AT THE END OF MY TETHER WITH SOME OF YOU.

ENTRY GUIDELINES/RULES:

1. Create a gingerbread house zoned residential, agricultural and/or commercial. Yes, you can glue stuff on. Yes, you can use a kit. Yes, you can use inedible add-ons. No, I will not respond to emails requesting clarification. Figure it out, bozo.

2. Let’s face it, half of you will send in ginger abominations that aren’t houses. Go ahead, enter your ginger whatever because you know you were going to anyway.

3. Yes, you can enter the gingerbread shithousery you made last year and neglected to enter in Ginger 2018. How the hell would I know?

4. Send a picture (two maximum) of your ginger thing by Friday, December 13, 2019, 11:59 pm AST. Early entries are very much appreciated. Email your entries to movita@live.ca. Photos shouldn’t include humans, creative staging and lack lustre photography encouraged. Late entries will not be accepted. I generally send confirmation that I’ve received your entry within 24 hours, but sometimes it takes a little longer.

5. Send TWO photos only. I’m not kidding. Don’t send me six and ask me to pick two. I WILL PICK ZERO and send your entry back to you.

6. No photo collages. You aren’t fooling anyone, boss. And don’t send me a photo you found online and then claim it as your own. Not cool, dude.

7. Send your name and a few details about your entry with your email. Personal information (email address, last name, weight) will not be posted. Just your first name, photos, and the some of the stupid stuff you tell me about your “creative process.”

8. Do not send me entries via Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, mental telepathy or any other stupid method you might be thinking about trying. EMAIL. Email only.

9. I beg of you – tell me something, anything – about your ginger creation. I get that you are busy Doomsday-proofing your luxury underground bunker, but if you can’t be bothered to tell me a single thing about your ginger creation, I can’t be bothered to write something smart-assed about it. In recent years I have received a shocking number of entries that are simply an email with two photos attached. No name, no details, no nothing. WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL? This is a butthole move and I WILL SEND YOUR ENTRY BACK TO YOU AND CALL OUT YOUR BUTTHOLERY. I CAN’T BELIEVE I HAVE TO YELL THIS GODDAMMIT.

10. Guys? Uh, that said yelled, please don’t send an essay about your ginger creation. Just a very short blurb about your entry because – and I’m going to be brutally honest here – I can’t and won’t post your 17,000 word dissertation. So you’re gunna need narrow your thoughts on your artistic process to about 100 words. And know that I’ll still cut about 50 of ’em.

11. If you have a blog/website, feel free to send a link. If you don’t include a link with your entry, I will assume you would prefer I don’t link to your blog.

12. Wait for your ginger thing to appear on movitabeaucoup.com (approximately December 20-22, 2019). I will make fun of it and/or you and/or your children. That’s how things work around here. Your entries will appear in groupings, organized by crappiness/awesomeness/theme. In other words, I’ll group them however I damn well please.

13. As always, there will be online polling. This is because online polling will ensure that most of you feel really crappy about yourselves. That’s what the internet was invented for. Online polling will take place December 20-22-ish, 2019. The (one) overall winner of online polling will receive the 2019 People’s Choice Prize. Just one person. You understand? ONE.

14. The 2019 Ginger Panel will determine the 1st and 2nd place winners.

15. Win bragging rights, the respect and admiration of many, and a crappy prize! (See below.) Winners will be announced on Monday, December 23, 2019. Probably.

16. The other competitors/losers will get nothing.

My god, this is a terrible contest.

PRIZES:

Prizes are modest because someone dented my car in the mall parking lot and I’m assuming it will cost $3000.00 CDN to repair. More importantly, this is a for-fun competition. (For you, not me.) (Because I don’t get paid to do this and have to pay for your prizes out of my own goddamned pocket.) (IT’S LIKE THREE FULL-TIME WEEKS OF UNPAID WORK YOU SELFISH BEASTS.)

1st Place
(Determined by the 2019 Ginger Panel)

A $50.00 Amazon* gift card which you can spend on anything you darn well please, but if it were me? I’d start by adding this to my cart. Or maybe this.

2nd Place
(Determined by the 2019 Ginger Panel)

A $40.00 Amazon* gift card which you can spend on anything you like, but I’d highly recommend including this.

2019 People’s Choice Prize
(Determined by the People of the Interwebs through online polling)

A $25.00 Amazon* gift card which you should spend on this and this.

.

*Amazon US or Canada, your choice.

Yes, the winner of the People’s Choice Prize might also win the 1st or 2nd place prize. Sometimes life isn’t fair, kiddo.

MORE YELLING:

Entries in my competitions tend to be extremely varied in terms of theme and execution. The Ginger Panel (comprised of some people I find on the street) will determine this year’s 1st and 2nd place winners. There is no specific criteria and their decision is final. They might consider: skill level, techniques used/attempted, mediums incorporated, bribes, overall appearance, use of theme. Of course, they might just pick an entry that makes them feel sorry for the sadsack that created it.

It is entirely possible that a little kid will beat a middle-aged ginger genius to claim one or more of this year’s titles. If you are easily offended or feel the perpetual need to be up-in-arms about something, if there’s any part of you that feels uncomfortable with getting made fun of, being judged by a panel of strangers, or being defeated by a seven year-old: please do not enter this competition.

THE COMPETITION STARTS NOW!!!