Posts by movita beaucoup

crap no. 44

crap i've been meaning to tell you about // movita beaucoup

Greetings from my bed of fire. For three weeks I’ve been struggling with an injury to my left ass and leg. Know what I miss? Standing and walking. Who knew? I always imagined that being confined to my house would be a dream come true. Nope. Because this is the worst pain I have ever…

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crap no. 43

crap i've been meaning to tell you about // movita beaucoup

Note: this edition of Crap has been generously sponsored by CAPS LOCK. Bless me Internet, for I have sinned. It has been many weeks since my last blog post. I am sorry for sometimes re-watching episodes of Brooklyn Nine-Nine instead of writing. I firmly resolve to amend my life. Thanks be to Google. Things have…

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crap no. 42

crap i've been meaning to tell you about // movita beaucoup

Book writing update: I wroted about 50 words. That’s between two book ideas, so 25 words for each practically-finished book. I haven’t been writing much of anything on this blog because — OBVIOUSLY — I’ve been busy writing books. Still, some of you get impatient when I haven’t posted here for a while. I’m beginning to…

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under my skein: a survival story

under my skein // movita beaucoup

July 1981 10:15 am: My mother parks our black Mercury Monarch on Main Street. I am nine years old and sitting up front alongside my mother. My seven-year-old sister and three-year-old brother are sitting in the back. Nova Scotia didn’t pass seatbelt laws until 1985, so we were free to bounce around like fleas on…

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crap no. 41

crap i've been meaning to tell you about // movita beaucoup

Halifax is caught up in a humidity vortex and MY GOD IT’S LIKE HAVING YOUR FACE STUCK IN AN ARMPIT 24/7. I’m sticky, wet, and my house smells like a medieval mortuary. My parents, Bill and Rosie Beaucoup, have been married for about 95 years. When you’ve been a pair for that long your names…

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things that suck – incomplete, unranked, not definitive

things that suck // movita beaucoup

Leaf blowers Earwigs Crumbs in butter Banana scented things MMA fighting – actually, any fighting done in bare feet and/or involving body parts slapping against one another Leeches Cardboard egg cartons Elastic cuffed jogging pants paired with white socks and shower shoes Those really loud cars and motorcycles Eggnog Baby strollers Bathing suits Wooden spoons…

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petite merde no. 5

petite merde // movita beaucoup

We celebrated Canada Day yesterday. It’s like July 4th for you Americans but with ketchup chips. Years ago I lived in an apartment in the north end of Halifax and could watch the city’s Canada Day fireworks from my balcony. It was also a good vantage point for enjoying dudes being dudes. On this particular holiday it started with my neighbour, moved to whistle…

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crap no. 40

crap i've been meaning to tell you about // movita beaucoup

Greetings from my almost-death bed. I’ve had a neck injury shituation and things have been a little rough around here. It mostly hurts when I walk, breathe, sleep, sit and stand. I don’t want to say it has been making me overly emotional but… Last week I heard a bird crash into our living room…

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crap no. 39

crap i've been meaning to tell you about // movita beaucoup

I haven’t been able to drink anything peach flavoured since 1990 because one weekend I polished off an impressively large bottle of Dr. McGillicud­dy’s Peach Schnapps and… well, you know how that goes. Guys? I don’t think Dr. McGillicuddy was a legit doctor. Niles the Cat had an eye infection (yes, most of my life…

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