crap no. 41

crap i've been meaning to tell you about // movita beaucoup

Halifax is caught up in a humidity vortex and MY GOD IT’S LIKE HAVING YOUR FACE STUCK IN AN ARMPIT 24/7. I’m sticky, wet, and my house smells like a medieval mortuary. My parents, Bill and Rosie Beaucoup, have been married for about 95 years. When you’ve been a pair for that long your names…

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double-dealing // movita beaucoup

A few years ago, 2.0 and I went out to by a vacuum cleaner and bought a car instead. 2.0 likes to tell stories. I call them stories, because calling him a liar makes me sound mean. One of 2.0’s favourite stories involves saying that he’s going out to run errands, and also: to buy…

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matchmaker, matchmaker

Several years ago, 2.0 presented me with a golf club and claimed it was an anniversary gift. It was not. (I don’t golf.) My sister, Haddy, was visiting at the time, and told him it was the most thoughtful anniversary gift she’d ever seen. It was not. (She just likes to side with 2.0.) So,…

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i ❤️ 2.0

i heart 2.0 // movita beaucoup

I met 2.0 on September 11, 2008. That’s nine years of 2.0 being 2.0 to enjoy. Let’s look back on just a few of my favourite moments with him, shall we? 2.0: Our neighbours have been asking if we’re Jewish. movita: What? 2.0: OUR NEIGHBOURS ASKED IF WE ARE JEWISH. movita: Yah, I heard you, I’m…

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ebony is lying in a bowl of water

ebony is lying in a bowl of water // movita beaucoup

Back in 2008, I was just getting to know 2.0, and hadn’t yet realized that conversations like this would become a significant part of my everyday life. 2.0 and Ebony the Cat were traveling home to visit family for the holidays when he called for my assistance on a wee matter. The phone rings: movita: Hello? 2.0: Hey!…

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close call

close call // movita beaucoup

Saturday, 4:15 pm: I return from work to find our garden gate flung open. The gate was not open when I left that morning. I check the yard and then enter the house cautiously. 4:45 pm: Our landline is not working. I unplug and re-plug all the phones in the house, but despite my technical savvy, the phones…

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moth-erly instincts

moth-erly instincts // movita beaucoup

On April 26, 2012, I ate between 1 and 4.5 million moth eggs. I’m not sure how many I actually kept down, thus the broad range in estimated consumption. Immediately after consuming the moth eggs, I texted 2.0. The text read: I just ate moth larvae. I sent the text at 12:27 pm. I expected an immediate…

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crap no. 29

crap i've been meaning to tell you about // movita beaucoup

Let’s get back to our regularly scheduled programming! (Thanks for all of your kind words, guys.) Have I ever told you that growing up I thought my grandfather was Bing Crosby, and that he concealed his true identity in order to have a normal life when he wasn’t making movies and stuff? I was also convinced that I’d…

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birthday // movita beaucoup

Today we celebrated 2.0’s 45th birthday. He requested lasagna and a chocolate cake topped with boiled frosting to mark the occasion. We lit some candles and sang to our favourite fellow at the top of our lungs. After the smoke had cleared and we’d polished off second helpings, Rosie said, “I’m so glad I got all…

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chili chicanery

chili chicanery // movita beaucoup

2.0 and I often do our grocery shopping together, and we’ve carefully ranked the cashiers at our regular store. We know who’s fast, who’s slow, who’s friendly and who’s not. Our favourite cashier is Clara. If you’re in a hurry, don’t stand in Clara’s line. If you miss your mom, head right for her. Clara will…

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