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Back at the lake, Odette and the other swans are inconsolable. The spell cast upon them can’t be broken now that Prince Siegfried has pledged his eternal love to the wrong beast at the Betrothal Ball.

Prince Siegfried finds the swans on the shore comforting one another. He runs to Odette and explains that von Rothbart tricked him, thus it probably wasn’t his fault that he pledged eternal love to the wrong swan. Odette honks, “Okay, honest mistake,” because everyone in this ballet has the attention span of a fruit fly and really wants to get married/not be a bird anymore. So, Siegfried is forgiven. Though Odette does gently remind him that she’ll be a swan forever because of his huge-ass mistake.

Von Rothbart and Odile show up, and von Rothbart tells Siegfried that he must marry Odile because he stamped it red hot, black magic, no erasies. As you might expect when two dudes face off in the presence of girls/water fowl, a fight breaks out. A ballet fight! Which is basically a lot of kicking, fake jabbing and the occasional pirouette.

Post-fight – and because nothing ever really gets sorted with wrestling – Prince Siegfried tells von Rothbart that he would rather drop dead than marry Odile.

Odette laments that death is the only way for her to be freed from von Rothbart’s spell, and truth be told, she’d rather croak than live without Siegfried. So, à la Thelma and Louise, Siegfried and Odette jump into the lake and die.

Their sacrifice destroys von Rothbart’s powers and frees the other girl-swans from his spell. And then? Those gals beat the shit out of von Rothbart, driving him and Odile into the water where they meet with a glug-glug death.

Oh, and then spirits of Prince Siegfried and Odette ascend into the heavens above Swan Lake. So… happy ending.

It is the evening of the Royal Betrothal Ball. It’s a lavish affair, and everyone is excited for Prince Siegfried to pick a bride. There are a lot of potential roommates at the event, but Siegfried’s still into the idea of hooking up with Odette, despite the fact that for most of the day she’s a bird.

The Queen has rounded up six princesses/bridal candidates for Siegfried to choose from, and they perform a pas de sex six for him. Guests are placing bets on who Siegfried will pick to be his bride, but they’re all wrong. Because Siegfried isn’t into princesses; he’s into birds. *snicker*

Von Rothbart shows up in disguise with his daughter, Odile. He has cast a spell on Odile so she looks just like Odette, except she’s black. Von Rothbart figures the Prince will be duped by the doppelgänger and pledge eternal love to the wrong girl.

And Prince Siegfried? Well, von Rothbart was right. He doesn’t even notice that the swan at the party is a totally different colour than the swan he was chatting up the night before.

Odette (the white swan) is watching the Betrothal Ball from afar. She’s watching Prince Siegfried gettin’ his jive on with Odile (the black swan), and probably thinking: what a dope.

Odette tries to warn Prince Siegfried with some wing flapping and muted bugle calls – hoping he’ll remain faithful to her – but then Siegfried the Genius says, “I love you,” to Odile. HE PLEDGES ETERNAL LOVE TO ODILE! Because the doofus thinks she’s Odette. So, Odette throws her wings up in the air and heads back to the lake.

After some time – and a bunch of dancing – Siegfried is all: Wait… what? Because he finally figures out that the swan he’s dancing with isn’t Odette.

Von Rothbart is all: Oh, yah, you just told Odile that you’ll love her forever! Now you’ve gotta to marry my little owlet and Odette is going to be a swan forever! 

And Siegfried is all: Oh, crap.

Deep in the woods, Prince Siegfried has ditched his friends and finds himself at a lake. There are some beautiful white swans there, and one of them looks extra sparkly. That classy swan is Odette. Naturally, Siegfried’s first instinct is to murder her with his new crossbow.

Siegfried raises his weapon and takes aim at the swan, but just as he is about to shoot Odette dead, she magically morphs into one stunner of a lady-human. Siegfried lowers his weapon and is immediately smitten. Odette is less smitten because she’s still contemplating a restraining order.

Prince Siegfried, unfazed by the whole bird-turned-human thing, listens as Odette tells him that an evil sorcerer, von Rothbart, cast a spell on her and some other neighbourhood gals. No one knows why the spell has been cast, but those details would make this ballet more plausible, so it’s probably best that you stop asking questions right now.

Odette explains that – thanks to the spell – she and her flock are swans by day, but revert back to human form at night. (What did I say about asking questions?) Odette also tells Siegfried that the lake she and her friends swim upon was formed by the tears of their crying parents. And then she tells him that she’s the Swan Queen, thus her extra glittery costume. This is a lot of listening for Prince Siegfried all at once, so he just keeps nodding and saying stuff like, “Uh-huh,” and, “You don’t say!”

Odette tells Siegfried that if a man pure in heart pledges his eternal love to her, the spell cast upon her crew will be broken. That would mean no more aquatic vegetation and tadpoles for dinner. But if that vow of eternal love were to be broken? They’d be swans forever. Remember this detail because it’s coming back later and you’re gunna want to kick the shit out of Prince Siegfried.

Prince Siegfried ponders all of this information for about two seconds and then yells/dance mimes: I’ll marry you! Which is weird, because he was freaking out about commitment, like, five minutes ago.

Siegfried hatches a plan. (It’s the only time he has a clue in this ballet.) He invites Odette to the Betrothal Ball his mother has planned for the next evening. He’s supposed to pick a wife at the event, so if Odette agrees to attend, he’ll pledge eternal love to her and introduce her to some of his weird uncles. All of Odette’s problems will be solved! Also, he’s warm for her form, so WIN WIN.

As they are making engagement plans, von Rothbart, the aforementioned evil sorcerer, shows up and yanks Odette away from Siegfried.

Von Rothbart is basically a giant owl, but I didn’t know how to paint that costume so you’ll have to use your imagination. So, imagining he looks quite a bit like a large bird, I’m sure you can also imagine Siegfried’s first instinct: KILL IT. He grabs his crossbow and raises it to shoot von Rothbart.

Odette’s feathered friends freak out and start honking: Dude, don’t do that! If von Rothbart bites it, the spell he cast upon us can never be undone!

A lot of wing flapping ensues, which scares the crap out of von Rothbart, and he sidesteps off into the night. Swans aren’t generally violent, but when provoked? Sweet sassy molassy!

Finally alone, Siegfried and Odette dance by the lake until dawn, falling madly in love. But don’t get your hopes up. Everything’s about to take a turn for the worse…