Behold, my week in cakes. (Because I suspect many of you enjoy looking at photos of sweets more than actually baking the sweets.)

And possibly my favourite: the LionBear Smash Cake.

In case you’re feeling productive:

• Swiss meringue buttercream (the addition of melted and cooled chocolate makes the most divine chocolate frosting on the planet)
• easy chocolate cupcakes
• how to pipe petals on cupcakes
• make a pumpkin carriage cake topper

Remember this pumpkin carriage cake topper? Well, I’ve finally got a how-to for you. See? It only took two years of hounding. Peer pressure works!

I made you an ebook. It has been months in the making. You can download it here. It’s free! It’s my little gift to you. It includes some video tutorials and access to an FAQ page. And good news: everything’s of the exceptionally mediocre quality you’ve come to expect from me!

Not interested in making a pumpkin carriage? You can use the methods in this tutorial to create any dimensional/hollow cake topper you might like. The options are limitless! (That’s not true. I think making a life-sized sculpture of your naked body might be a bit much, don’t you?)

GET THE EBOOK HERE!

I sincerely hope you like it! Mostly because there’s not much I can do to fix things at this point…

For the second year in a row, Oliver thought he might like a garbage truck cake to mark the occasion of his birthday. I’m all for waste management, but was pretty happy when he changed his mind and decided upon a Lego cake. I don’t know that this qualifies as a tutorial, but I thought I’d outline how I went about ebellishing this cake – just in case you like detail-oriented projects, and loathe free time.

Both the Lego man and blocks were made from fondant. I borrowed a few of Oliver’s Lego bricks so I could tint my fondant to match the true Lego colours EXACTLY. The bricks are to scale in terms of length and width (but not depth), as are the little circles on top. To make the bricks I measured the real Lego bricks and then cut strips of fondant (rolled to 1/16 inch) to match. I used a piping tip to cut out the little circles, and then attached them to the tops of the bricks using a tiny bit of water and a food-safe brush.

To make the Lego man, I did a Google image search for “lego man template,” picked one I liked, and then scaled it to the size I thought would best fit the cake. I printed the image, cut it out, and used it as a template for the various segments of my Lego dude. Because he measured only 5 inches tall, some of the pieces were very small, and I went blind for about 36 hours. This did not deter me in the least because I’m a goddamned professional. I assembled my man on parchment paper – brushed the tiniest bit of water along the edges of the fondant that need to connect, gently pressed together, and then allowed the entire piece to dry for two days. I used a spatula to transfer the man to the cake. I free-handed the face with some teeny-tiny fondant pieces. I think I captured the essence of a blank Rutherford stare quite nicely.

I used fondant cutters for the number 5 and Oliver’s name. I placed the letters on little fondant squares, which I think looks perfectly adorable. I did not make the confetti sprinkles. I bought them at the Bulk Barn. But I was blind for 36 hours.

Honestly, this is one of my most favourite cake projects to date. Oliver – a very charming and thoughtful little man – is most deserving of sweet treats and happy birthdays. Even if his parents are my sworn enemies.

These are my go-to chocolate cupcakes. Rich, tender and chocolatey. A classic cupcake that never lets me down. And though I should probably keep ’em top secret, I’m not going to. Because I want you to succeed. I want you to win at baking. I want you to feel like you can be almost nearly as great as I am.

These cupcakes take only minutes to throw together and no stand mixer is required. Got a whisk? That’s all you need. Heck, you could use a spoon in a pinch. This recipe is easily doubled if you need extras, and you can top ’em with whatever sort of frosting you might like. So when you’re going through your kid’s backpack at 10 pm, and find that note requesting a buttload of cupcakes by 8 am tomorrow? MAKE THESE.

Need a frosting recipe? Don’t fret. I’ve got you covered. Hows about a soft, sweet, chocolatey number? It’s got a little gloss to it, and though it’s not suitable for piping, it is easily spread over the cupcakes with a palette knife or spoon. It, too, is extremely easy to throw together, making it a great last minute option. (Got a large pan of brownies that needs dressing up? This will work!) I’d recommend using a hand mixer to whip this frosting into a smooth, spreadable topping, but if you’ve got arms like Hulk Hogan? You could probably do it by hand.

Some of you keeners will be wondering about the fondant hearts. Well, they aren’t an exact science. You’ll have to play around a bit, and you’ll get different results every time. I’ll give you an idea of what I did below. I made the hearts two days ahead of time so they’d be nice and hard for standing up in the cupcakes. Buy some fondant if you don’t want to make it. (Seriously. Don’t be a hero. Just buy it.)

To make the striped hearts (this is merely a guideline):

1. Knead and dye some fondant with gel paste food colouring. Any colours you like. I’d recommend making four complimentary colours, but go ahead with that sports team tribute if you like. I don’t have quantities for you – it depends on how many hearts you need. You’ll be rolling the fondant out thin, so don’t make a pound of the stuff – a large handful of fondant will probably be enough – make a little extra if you’re unsure. I use shortening on my hands and counter to prevent sticking – just a thin coating.

2. Work quickly, as this stuff has a tendency to dry out – keep the portions you aren’t working with tightly wrapped until you need them. Roll a small portion of each colour into strips/snakes, each about the same length – 5-6 inches long. If you want one colour to be more dominant, use a larger portion of that.

3. Lay the strips beside each other, nice and snug, and pinch the ends together.

4. Twist a few times up the length of the rope.

5. Fold in half.

6. Twist again. Don’t worry if some of the strips break. You’ll be rolling it all out.

7. Roll out. Work from the centre out. Small cracks can be smoothed with your fingers. Roll to about 1/8 inch thick. Cut in desired shapes. (Again, I use a thin coating of shortening on my counter to prevent sticking.)

To make the tie-dyed hearts:

8. Use the scraps from the striped hearts. Gather the scraps into a ball.

9. Squeeze gently together (I only squeezed twice).

10. Roll and cut out.

If you want to skip the striped hearts – making only the tie-dyed – you could follow steps 1-6 from above, and then gently squeeze a few times before rolling/cutting.

2.0 and I don’t really believe in Valentine’s Day (we know it exists, we just think it’s dumb), so we’d like to suggest that you make these for Saint Patrick’s Day to throw people off.

. . .

Easy Chocolate Cupcakes

Makes 12 cupcakes.

print and bake

• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 1/3 cup cocoa powder
• 3/4 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon instant espresso powder (optional)
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup buttermilk
• 3/4 cup granulated sugar
• 1/3 cup canola oil
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Mise en place – start by getting organized. Read through the entire recipe before beginning. Measure out all of your ingredients.

Preheat oven to 350°F. Line cupcake tins with cupcake liners – paper or foil.

Place the flour, cocoa, baking soda, baking powder, instant espresso (if using) and salt in a bowl, and whisk well to combine.

In a large bowl, whisk together the buttermilk, sugar, canola oil and vanilla extract until well combined. Add the flour mixture and whisk until well combined and no large lumps remain. (Tiny lumps are fine.)

Divide the batter evenly between the 12 cupcake wells. An ice cream scoop makes this easier. Don’t fill more than 3/4 full.

Bake for 18-20 minutes, until a toothpick inserted in the centre of a cupcake comes out clean. Remove cupcakes from pan and allow to cool completely on a wire rack before frosting.

. . .

Simple Chocolate Frosting

Yields enough to frost 12 cupcakes – this is a soft, spreadable frosting, not suitable for piping.

print and cover stuff with frosting

• 2 ounces semi-sweet chocolate (you can use chocolate chips)
• 2 tablespoons unsalted butter
• 1 1/2 cups icing sugar, sifted
• 1/8 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 cup heavy (whipping) cream
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Mise en place – start by getting organized. Read through the entire recipe before beginning. Measure out all of your ingredients. This frosting can be made with a stand or hand mixer.

Melt the butter and chocolate in a stainless steel bowl placed over a pot of simmering water, stirring until completely melted and smooth. You can also do this in the microwave – use a low power setting, and heat gently to melt.

Place the sifted icing sugar, salt, heavy cream and vanilla in a large bowl. Add the melted chocolate and butter and mix with an handheld mixer (you can do this in a stand mixer as well). Mix on low speed at first, and then increase speed to medium and beat until well combined. Scrape the sides and bottom of the bowl at least once during mixing to ensure all ingredients are incorporated.

Use a palette knife or spoon to spread the frosting onto cupcakes.

Ask and ye shall receive. More cake tutorials! And because some of you have lamented that you are challenged in this area, I’m hoping this little ditty might be manageable. A ruffle rose will make the top of your cake look striking, but also requires minimal skills.

First, and I can’t recommend this enough, practice your piping skills on an inverted cake pan. In the video I’ve included with this post, I’m piping on a cake pan to show you how awesome it is. If I’m planning to make cupcakes, I practice on an inverted glass, as it’s about the same size. If I’m making a 6 inch cake, I practice on a 6 inch pan. I’m going to assume you know where I’m going with this. While this piping technique is very forgiving, if you haven’t used a petal tip before, you might not want to try it for the first time on, say, your wedding cake.

http://instagram.com/p/yNTJyrtRDx/

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Second, as I’ve mentioned before, I always keep leftover frosting in a small container in the freezer. Whenever I have a little buttercream leftover from a project, I throw it in the container. It’s really ugly, but perfect for practicing. So, when I’ve got a little free time on my hands, I bring the frosting to room temperature, re-whip it, and practice.

This cake design is most easily executed on a cake turntable – as your dominant hand does the piping while the other turns the cake. I did the top of this cake in under five minutes – no lie. You will, of course, need to crumb coat and frost your cake before piping the rose. I tried to make the sides of my cake relatively smooth, but I wouldn’t fret over this. Imperfections lend themselves to a homestyle look, which is my favourite sort of design. The cake pictured in this post is six inches, but I’ve used this piping technique on a cake as large as eight inches. I wouldn’t go much larger than this, as I think the effect would be lost.

To get started you’ll need a smooth buttercream (I used chocolate swiss meringue buttercream) and a piping bag fitted with a large petal tip – Ateco #125 or Wilton #125. When piping your rose, the wide part of the tip will be held downward, skimming the top of the cake as you pipe. The piping bag should be held almost parallel to the cake.

Begin by piping a little bud (teeny loop of frosting) at the centre of the cake, and then continue piping ribbons of buttercream round and round until you work your way to the outer edge of the cake. Long segments or short segments, right up against the previously piped petals. Imperfections make it look more glorious. The angle of your piping bag will vary the petals, as will the angle of your piping tip. Tilting or waving the tip adds effect as well.

I hope the video below will make this technique clear for you. Also, you’ll get to hear a lot of rambling, which should give you a sense of what 2.0 deals with EVERY DAY.

http://youtu.be/thdM8ttTw5s

{click here to watch on youtube}

Don’t forget to clean your piping bags and tips very, very well. Insufficiently cleaned bags and tips are high risk in terms of food contamination. They are two of the tools bakers and bakeries worry most about, as piping bags are most often used for products that contain dairy. It’s the perfect storm if you allow stuff to fester in there. If I’m making a cake for a client, I always use new, disposable bags for piping, and I’m obsessive about cleaning my piping tips.

Alright. I think you’re ready. Go forth and decorate!