Ah, spring. A season of renewal and hope. And for some of you, dating. It would seem that winter makes us forget how wretched the courting process is. We get distracted by cold temperatures and tiny daggers falling from the sky. We begin to believe that next winter would be better spent with someone to snuggle. As the snow melts and temperatures rise, we let our guard down. Emboldened and revitalized, that person once considered undatable, now exhibits some potential. I’ve been there, friends, and I’ve dated a lot of dudes with spring curb appeal. That’s why I’m so good at giving relationship advice. (Even if you haven’t asked for it.)

I work with a lot of women – dozens of ’em. So conversations centred on dating and relationships are a regular occurrence. Before meeting 2.0, I recall having the following springy conversation with a workmate. A workmate filled with dating optimism.

Workmate: So, are you still with your guy?

movita: Uh, no. We broke up over the holidays. It was pretty festive.

Workmate: That’s okay. Summer’s coming.

movita: Meaning?

Workmate: That’s when people meet. In the summer. On patios.

movita: I’m pretty sure people meet in the winter.

Workmate: Not nearly as often as they do in the summer.

movita: I’d like to see the statistics on that.

Workmate: 3% of couples meet on airplanes and then get married.

movita: That can’t be true.

Workmate: Ever sit next to a hot guy on a plane?

movita: Sure.

Workmate: See? You could have married one of ‘em.

movita: But I didn’t.

Workmate: But you could have.

movita: Okay, but wouldn’t that mean of all of the married couples I know, 3% met on planes?

Workmate: Yes.

movita: NO. I don’t know any couples who met on a plane!

Workmate: I’m just saying.

movita: Saying what?

Workmate: You could meet a guy on a patio this summer.

movita: Oh, for heaven’s sake…

If you’re about to start a new season of dating, you might consider my workmate’s optimistic words. Also, cookies. Cookies will brush you off after a date gone wrong, or help you celebrate a date gone right. Ever have a guy pick you up for a date wearing clogs? I have. Ever spend an evening with a dude who talked about his Russian belt buckle for three hours? Been there. Ever found nude photos of the man you’re dating on a gay website? Yup, I’ve traversed that path as well. And cookies might have helped. (Just kidding. Those images are forever burned on my brain.)

These cookies are soft and a teeny bit sticky (coconut has a way of doing that). The coconut also makes these cookies a little chewy – though the oats should get credit for this as well. They are on the thin side (my favourite) and have a salty-sweet thing going on. 2.0 and I have been munching on dozens of test cookies, and have found that they are perfect lunchbox fare, and a great pick-me-up alongside tea when you hit that mid-afternoon lull.

Push on, Spring Daters! And know that I’m here for you…

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Note: if you aren’t a salty-sweet fan, consider reducing the salt in this recipe to 1/2 teaspoon and be sure to use unsalted butter (as listed). 

Oatmeal Coconut Chocolate Chip Cookies

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Yields about 2.5 dozen cookies.

• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 3/4 cup quick-cooking oats
• 1/2 cup unsalted butter, room temperature
• 1/4 cup white granulated sugar
• 1/2 cup brown sugar, firmly packed
• 1 large egg, room temperature
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
• 3/4 cup unsweetened shredded coconut

Mise en place – begin by getting organized. Read through the entire recipe before beginning. Measure out all of your ingredients. The dough requires chilling before baking – be sure you’ve allowed some time for this.

In a bowl, whisk together the flour, baking soda and salt. Stir in the oats. Set aside.

In the bowl of your stand mixer (or with a hand mixer), cream the butter and sugars on medium speed (3-5 minutes). Add the egg and mix until well combined. Scrape down the sides and bottom of the bowl. Mix in the vanilla, beating until well combined.

Add the flour mixture, and mix on low speed until well combined, scraping down the sides and bottom of bowl at least once. Stir in the chocolate chips and coconut by hand – the mixture will be very thick.

Chill the dough for 30 minutes prior to baking.

Preheat the oven to 350°F. Line cookie sheets with parchment paper.

Drop dough by heaping tablespoonfuls onto baking sheets. I use a small ice cream scoop which holds about 1.5 tablespoons of dough.

Bake 9-11 minutes or until the edges are golden, and the cookies are lightly browned. The centers of the cookies may seem slightly underdone, but will firm up with carryover baking. Rotating pans midway through baking will ensure even baking.

Allow to cool for 5 minutes on the cookie sheets and then remove and allow to cool completely on wire racks.

The interwebs should mean no more door-to-door anything anymore. Get off my lawn, bozo, I have the interwebs. I’ll look you up if I’m interested.

I really resent wearing pants in my own home just because I might have to open my door to pedlars. Also, don’t salespeople watch Dateline Real Life Mysteries? I do. People are being put into chained boxes and kept as sex slaves all the time. I’d think twice before knocking on a stranger’s door.

The other day, I opened my home to some salesmen because I was working in the kitchen (which is right by the front door), and the two dudes ringing the door chime could see me. I figured they’d notice if I dropped to the floor and chinned my way to the basement.

The younger of the two salesmen immediately apologized for disturbing me, and without missing a beat, launched into a well rehearsed we-could-save-you-from-yourself speech. I listened, as I always do, because that’s polite. Way more polite, by the way, than showing up at someone’s home uninvited. After his speech, I said that I don’t believe in buying religion at the door, because I do most of my shopping online. I guess they hadn’t heard of the interwebs because neither of them laughed.

So, because they seemed uncomfortable, I changed the subject. I pointed up the street:

movita: Did you know that there was a DRUG DEN a few doors up that way? I’m not sure which house though. The cops arrested everyone.

(The salesmen look up the street nervously.)

movita: And a couple of months ago, the police had two girls laying face down on that street over there, while they searched their car for guns.

(I’ve seen this on The First 48.)

movita: And that street over there? (pointing) Well, a house over there HAD guns, and the cops seized the guns, but don’t you think they probably just got NEW guns as soon as the cops left?

(The salesmen look very surprised. I wonder if they’ve already been to the homes on that street.)

movita: Honestly, I can’t believe anyone gets sent out door-to-door anymore. Do you get nervous? I would. It just seems really dangerous for everyone involved. The person answering the door, the people AT the door… I mean, don’t knock on my door if you don’t want to be a sex slave, right?

(The younger salesman steps back.)

movita: I’m kidding! Seriously – I’m just yankin’ yer chains. It’s a great neighbourhood. My neighbours are awesome. It’s very safe here.

(The salesmen laugh nervously and hand me a pamphlet. I admire their persistence in the face of adversity.)

movita: Anyway, thanks for the info. And thanks for stopping by…

I watched as the salesmen walked up my driveway, exchanged a few words, and then walked straight to the bus stop. They didn’t visit any other houses on my street. Which is nice, because I bet a lot of my neighbours don’t wear pants in the privacy of their own homes.

Now, should you have some invited guests in your home, you might want to share some of these cookies with them. They are chocolatey and soft, and more chewy than crisp. They are gently spiced with cinnamon, cayenne, black pepper and cloves. The spices scent the cookies and add a warmth to the mix. You’ll barely notice their presence, but they add a little depth to the cookie. When I asked 2.0 to describe their flavour for you he said they taste like chocolate and fall. I think I’ll quote that in a pamphlet for my neighbours.

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{Gently Spiced} Double Chocolate Cookies

print and bake

Yields just under 3 dozen cookies.

• 6 tablespoons cocoa
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper
• 1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
• pinch ground cloves
• 1 stick (1/2 cup) unsalted butter
• 3/4 cup white granulated sugar
• 3/4 cup light brown sugar (packed)
• 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 2 large eggs, room temperature
• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips

Mise en place – begin by getting organized. Measure out all of your ingredients. Line cookie sheets with parchment paper, preheat oven.  

Preheat oven to 350°F (180°C). Line cookie sheets with parchment paper.

In a large bowl, whisk together the cocoa, baking soda, baking powder, salt, cinnamon, cayenne pepper, black pepper and ground cloves. Set aside.

In a medium sized saucepan, melt the butter over medium heat. As soon as the butter has completely melted, remove from heat. Stir in the granulated and brown sugars, mixing well to combine. Stir in the vanilla extract. Stir in the eggs, one at a time, until well blended. Pour the butter/sugar mixture into the cocoa mixture, and mix until well combined. Stir in the flour until just combined (and no pockets of flour remain). The dough will be thick. Finally, stir in the chocolate chips.

Use a small ice cream scoop (about 1.5 tablespoons) or a heaping tablespoon to drop the dough into rounded mounds on prepared baking sheets – leaving 2 inches between each cookie for spreading.

Bake for about 10-12 minutes – until slightly crusted on top, yet still slightly soft in the centre. Because of carry-over baking, take care not to over-bake – if the cookies feel slightly underdone, they’ll firm up as they cool. Let cool for five minutes on the cookie sheet before removing to cool completely on racks.

Remember when people had a sense of humour? Those were the good old days. Have you read this satirical essay? I think it’s a brilliant bit of writing. It made me laugh. Did you read the comments? They’ll make you want to give up on humanity. When did people stop laughing at themselves? When did we stop having fun?

When I hit Facebook every morning, hoping to share, say, a photo of a kitten and a bird that have become friends – thus DEFYING THE LAWS OF NATURE – I am inundated with sludge. I click through to a YouTube video. The comments are a cesspool of terrible spelling, negativity, abuse and racism. The comments are on a video about blueberry hand pies. I head back to Facebook. Someone has posted a reminder that Facebook is screwing me over. It seems that my Post Reach Stats reflect society’s selfish need to eat, sleep and work. They also reflect that I pay $0 for facebook marketing. I read that people are stealing your photos and content. People are pinning wrong. I should be more focused on SEO and analytics. You’re upset because Google is doing everything it can to prevent people from finding your recipe for Ants on a Log, and Facebook used your profile picture in an ad for wart remover.

Good grief.

People, some of you are wrecking the interwebs. And I love the interwebs. Cut it out. STOP WRECKING THE INTERWEBS.

Quit being total nutters. Let’s share more videos about cats on Facebook. Isn’t that why the interwebs was invented? I think we should do better. Let’s use YouTube to tell Britney that her latest video has some of the best thrusting ever set to music. Let’s self-promote, but keep it classy. Don’t beg people to like you. If you want fame, do something worthy of it. Work hard, create things you are proud of. Quit worrying about SEO and blog stats for a few hours. Quit whining. Haters gunna hate; be yourself. Don’t steal. When you find something you don’t like on the interwebs? Move on. Take the high road, walk away. Defend those who cannot defend themselves, but do so positively, and then go kick something. And leave nice comments for people. It makes ‘em happy.

I think you’ll find, as I have, that It is enough. I have found that it is enough because – reality check – I’m not running away from chemical weapons or dudes with guns. It is enough because I am living a life that many people would give anything to have. It is enough because there are far more important things in life than internet stats and Pinterest shares. It is enough because my parents taught me to have respect for others – even super annoying people – and to quit worrying about silly stuff. And I’m betting that during my last moments on this planet, I won’t really care about my blog’s performance metrics or how many likes I had on Facebook. I hope I’ll be thinking about my friends, my family, and a life well lived.

So, lest you think I’m a total downer, and because some of you were really sad when I wouldn’t give you Haddy’s cookie recipe, I made you these little beauties. Double chocolate cookies with pecans and – surprise – caramel inside. No, I didn’t invent stuffed cookies, silly! There are lots of versions of these floating around. This is just my take. However, I did develop this cookie dough recipe. Yup, I put my baking school education to proper use. And I’m going to tell you that I’m pretty proud of that. These cookies are a little soft, and a little chewy. Sweet, nutty, and chocolatey. There is a caramel tucked into the centre of each cookie. When the cookies are still warm, the caramel will be all gooey and oozey when you bite into it. As they cool, the cookies become a little more chewy and so does the caramel. (Ten seconds in the microwave will bring back the goo factor, should you so desire.) Yup, that’s fleur de sel sprinkled on top. Tres chic.

It is possible that these cookies will spark something inside of you which will, in turn, help you to record the perfect cover of When Doves Cry to post on YouTube. And should that happen, I will leave a nice comment to say you play air guitar better than anyone I know.

. . .

Want the recipe? 

How’s about a little baking school update? I’m on a new team – there are four of us. We’re basically the Spice Girls. There have been some oven mitt hive-fives and baking success all round. In the past three weeks we’ve learned to make: pain au levain, pain rustique, pain pugliese, ciabatta, gluten-free baguettes and flatbread, gluten-free muffins and cakes, sweet dough, bagels, pretzels, english muffins and pizza dough. It has been epic fun. Next week, we hit the Station of Dread. I don’t know what happens over there but there have been tears and a LOT of cursing. Yikes.

I’m also learning all about spreadsheets and other computery stuff. So now I’m organizing my entire life into columns. We’ve started our small entrepreneurship class, which means we’re working on business plans and generally getting our creative on. And finally, our communications class will be focusing on human relations. Because the worst part about working with the public is the public.

Next, I would like to apologize for many years of wishing for snow days. It was very selfish – I realize this now. I have to leave my house before dawn every day, and I’ve had a few white-knuckle drives to school in the snow and ice. I basically weep the entire time. I love, love, love snow days, but colleges and universities don’t get them. I guess people only care about little kids. Huge mistake, as I don’t know very many of those little crappers who would bake you anything. Nothing I’d eat, anyway.

So, I offer up these cookies AS A REPLACEMENT FOR SNOW. Mrs. Rutherford made them for 2.0 at Christmastime. They were pretty awesome, so I asked her for the recipe. I’m going to give you the link below – I didn’t really change anything, but I’ve made some notes for you. The cookies are a nice, tender, vanilla-y cookie, dipped in a tart lemon glaze and then dipped in coconut. Easy, and pretty adorable on a plate.

Also, last week I walked into the men’s washroom at school. I thought I was walking into the dish pit. I was not.

. . .

Snowball Cookies –  click here for the recipe from Sweet Potato Chronicles

Head on over to Sweet Potato Chronicles for the recipe – there’s a lot of cool stuff over there. When making the snowball cookies, I recommend breaking the butter and cream cheese up into small pieces when adding them to both the cookie dough and the glaze – it makes them easier to incorporate. I also found that I had a lot of glaze leftover, so you might consider halving the recipe. I didn’t use the full amount of coconut recommended either. I’d just put a nice pile in a dish and add more as required. Go forth and bake!

Sometimes I have so much crap to tell you about that I just wanna explode. It’s hard to work all that stuff into a cohesive post along with a recipe for pheasant under glass. So, here’s some crap I’ve been meaning to tell you about with a recipe for oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. (Because they’re easier to make than pheasant under glass.)

Christmas 2012 was freakin’ next level. I gained back all of the weight I lost during the first term of baking school. So, mission accomplished.

The Yehlings set their ginger Buckingham Palace on fire and then sent me videos of the event. They totally get me.

This month at baking school, I’m learning to make 4 million types of European bread. That means we’ll be taking yer average yeast beast and we’ll be making it top-notch sophisticated. (Like me.) Also, we’ll be making bagels, pretzels, english muffins and some gluten free stuff. I’m a glutton for gluten, but I guess it makes some people poop their pants, so I’m all for lending society a hand.

I might teach myself to breakdance.

I’ve been pretty obsessed with Kanye West for a long time – and now that there’s a baby on the way? COME ON! But I’m also thinking that 50 Cent might deserve a little more of my attention…

[youtube=http://youtu.be/waCF81HdKAA]

I’m on the hunt for a work term in the spring. That means I get to work at a bakeshop and learn some next level awesome from a baking guru. I’m so freakin’ excited that I can’t focus. Also, that means some lucky bake-crew gets five weeks of free labour and five weeks of me being me. That’s money in the bank, people.

A kid helped me get into the college the other morning. Yah. You read that right. It was a dark and bitterly cold morning, and I as I approached the doors, a teenaged dude coming out of the YMCA threw his arms up over his head and yelled, “woah! Wait there ma’am! I’m coming! Don’t move! It’s really icy!” And then he held me by the arm and guided me through the campus doors, saying, “I’ve got cha,” and, “there you go! Safe and sound!” I’m seriously considering colouring my hair.

Okay, that’s it. I hope you’re all embracing stretchy pants and old age just like I am.

. . .

These cookies are like little pillows made of oatmeal and sugar. They are soft and have a lovely touch of cinnamon. They bear 2.0’s stamp of approval, which is basically like a James Beard Foundation Award, but less likely to be found on Wikipedia.

Want the recipe?