If you follow me on Facebook you were a part of 2.0’s Epic Weekend of Cooking. You didn’t have to clean up after him so it was probably very enjoyable for you.

After seeing the fruits of his labour/my supervision, a few of you emailed to ask for our spaghetti and meatballs recipe. This makes me a little concerned about your social lives because some of those emails arrived on a Saturday night when you could have been doing something fun like cleaning your toilets.

So because I feel a little sorry for you, I’ll share the recipe for my almost-famous signature pasta sauce. 2.0 says my sauce is the best sauce and he never lies. Nothing is exact about this recipe. It tastes great every time.

I live in Canada. I’ve written quantities and ingredients in Canadian. I’m sure you can find the approximate equivalents in your country.

INGREDIENTS:

• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 375 grams (0.83 pound) Johnsonville hot Italian sausage meat
• 680 grams (1.5 pound) extra lean ground beef (if making meatballs leave this out – please see yelling below)
• 1 large onion, diced
• 1 tablespoon minced garlic
• 1 green (or orange, red, yellow) pepper, diced
• 1 zucchini, diced
• 10-12 mushrooms, diced
• sometimes I throw in a handful of chopped spinach or leafy greens
• 1 can (13 fl. oz / 369 ml) tomato paste
• 1 can (28 fl. oz / 796 ml) whole tomatoes
• 1-2 tablespoons dried parsley (optional)
• 1-2 tablespoons dried basil
• salt and pepper to taste – I find the sausage seasons the sauce nicely so I don’t tend to add much of either

METHOD:

Mise en place your ingredients before beginning. Heat the olive oil in a big Dutch oven over medium heat – you’ll need a very large pot (especially if you make the meatball version of this meal). Brown the ground sausage and extra lean ground beef, breaking it up as it cooks. Drain a little fat as desired. Add the onion, garlic and pepper after the meat has browned a little. Continue browning and breaking up the meat, letting the veggies soften a bit. Then throw in the zucchini and mushrooms. Add some leafy greens so you’ll live longer. Keep cooking away.

Once the meats have cooked through, add the tomato paste and give a good stir to combine. Then add the can of whole tomatoes, juices and all. Break the tomatoes up with your spoon and keep breaking them up as your sauce simmers. Add the parsley and basil. I let everything simmer over low heat for a good 30 minutes, closer to an hour if I can. I add a little salt and pepper if desired.

Serve over pasta of choice.

BALLS:

Wanna add meatballs? This is the meatball recipe we use. 2.0 found it on the internet which is impressive given that he can’t figure out how to attach a photo to an email.

If making meatballs, we leave the ground beef out of the sauce and use that ground beef for the meatballs.

I make my sauce first and get it simmering. Then we make the balls which takes no time at all because we mise en place our ingredients. Only an idiot skips mise en place.

We don’t change a thing about the recipe. (The recipe has some options – we use ground beef only, one tablespoon minced garlic, one teaspoon salt.) We use a small ice cream scoop to make sure the balls are the same size – it holds about 1.5 tablespoons of meaty goodness. We roll all the balls before adding to the sauce, then gently place the meatballs in the pot (it’s a tight squeeze) and don’t move them for 20 minutes just as the recipe states. Then we gently stir and let ’em cook for another 20 minutes. Read the recipe. You’ll know what I’m talking about.

I WANT YOU TO READ THIS VERY CAREFULLY BECAUSE I WILL NOT RESPOND TO 400 COMMENTS ASKING THE SAME STUPID QUESTIONS*: If we are making meatballs we leave the ground beef out of the pasta sauce. Do you understand? We use only the ground sausage in the sauce and use the ground beef for the meatballs. I swear to God if anyone asks me about this I will lose my goddamned mind. THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I DON’T BLOG ABOUT FOOD ANYMORE, BRENDA. People are the worst.

*I acknowledge that many of you will now be tempted to ask me a lot of stupid questions about a variety of topics and understand that I have brought this on myself.

There is no download for my sauce recipe. I’m not a food blogger and to be honest I’m not that invested in your success.

This French toast is soft, sweet and filling. The buttery, egg-infused brioche makes it especially rich, and the oatmeal coconut crusting gives it a little chew. We prefer our French toast swimming in a pool of maple syrup, but it would also be nice with a dusting of confectioner’s sugar and some fresh fruit. Brioche has a tender crumb, and works best for this recipe, but I think challah would do nicely as well.

. . .

Oatmeal Coconut Crusted Brioche French Toast

print and make

Serves 4-6 – depending on size of loaf, slices and appetites.

• 1 large loaf brioche, sliced
• 1/2 cup oats (old fashioned, not quick-cook)
• 1/2 cup shredded sweetened coconut
• 1/4 cup brown sugar, packed
• 3 eggs
• 3/4 cup milk
• 1/4 cup heavy cream
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1/8 teaspoon cinnamon
• 1/8 teaspoon
• salt oil or butter for frying

Mise en place – begin by getting organized. Read through the entire recipe before beginning. Measure out all of your ingredients.

Preheat your skillet over medium heat. Preheat oven to 175°F if not serving immediately (to keep French toast warm – see notes at bottom of recipe).

In a dish or plate with lip, combine the oats and coconut. Set aside.

In a large bowl or dish, whisk together the brown sugar and eggs, ensuring they are well combined and smooth. (Your dish should be wide enough to allow for easy bread dunking.) Whisk in the milk, heavy cream, vanilla, cinnamon and salt, until well combined.

Lightly butter or grease the preheated skillet. Dip two or three slices of brioche in the milk mixture, coating all sides of the bread. Allow the excess to drip off and then dip in the oat/coconut mixture, coating both sides (use your fingers to gently pat the coating down so it will stick).

Place the slices in the warm skillet and cook until golden brown, then flip and cook second side until golden. Transfer the French toast to the oven to keep warm, and repeat until the entire loaf of brioche is cooked.

Serve with maple syrup or garnish of choice.

Notes:

• I like to re-whisk the milk mixture before dunking each piece of bread to ensure the cinnamon stays evenly distributed.
• If you run out of the oat/coconut coating, simply add more to the mix at a 1:1 ratio.
• If not serving immediately, keep your French toast warm in the oven – preheat the oven to 175°F and place a baking sheet or heat-proof dish on the centre rack. Store the cooked French toast in there until serving – no more than 30 minutes, or your toast will be… toast.

Happy birthday, Isa! I hope you’re having a marvellous day. I’m not even going to whine about the frigid temperatures and snow we’ve got here. I’m almost happy that you’re frolicking in the daffodils.

Rosie Beaucoup was kind enough to share your crustless quiche recipe with me, and I made some in your honour. You might have noticed that I made your French treat a little more Canadian unhealthy, as I’m wont to do. I figured you’d appreciate the addition of some Nova Scotian lobster on your special day, and that Adopamop would like the bacon I threw in there. This way, both you and my brother win. Which I know is important to you, since you’re the most competitive human beings on the planet.

Fun fact: what we think of as the classic French quiche actually originated in Germany. Not that it matters. It’s not a competition. Also, the word quiche is derived from the German word for cake: kuchen. So basically, quiche is cake, which sounds better than: egg custard. You probably won’t admit that though, as you’d have to let the Germans win on the whole quiche-is-cake thing, and I know that’s not likely to happen.

Now, given that there are four of you in your house, you could probably cut this birthday kuchen quiche into 8 pieces in order to avoid battles over equal distribution. 12 slices would also work, but I’d avoid a number like 10 if at all possible. Mostly because you’ve birthed two of the most competitive children on the planet. 

As I’m sure you know, this quiche makes a lovely meal or the perfect brunch treat. Crustless quiche is super easy to throw together – even if you’ve got my brother and two kids to keep in line. In my particular version, the succulent lobster is complimented by the salty bacon. The gruyère gets all melty and doesn’t overpower the other flavours in any way. Also, no crust. Who needs it? Not me. Nope. No way.

So, my sweet, French friend, I hope you have a winning day. You deserve it.

And after seeing how you people deal with defeat on Family Game Night, I’d say we’ve all earned it.

. . .

I’ve included two recipes below – one for Isa’s Crustless Quiche which can be treated as a master recipe and adapted with your favourite cheese and add-ins, and my recipe for lobster quiche which is more likely to kill you. (You don’t have to pick a favourite. It’s not a competition.) Though best when devoured fresh from the oven, leftover quiche can be stored in the fridge and gently rewarmed in the microwave.

. . .

Isa’s Crustless Quiche (Master Recipe)

recipe: Isabelle Lecroart

print and make

Yields one 9-inch quiche.

• 3 eggs
• 1 1/2 cups milk
• 3/4 cup all-purpose flour
• pinch salt
• black pepper to taste
• 1 cup cheese of your choice (cheddar, swiss, gruyère, blue cheese)
• 1 to 1 1/2 cups diced vegetables or other add-in of choice (mushrooms, pepper, onion, ham)

Mise en place – begin by getting organized. Read through the entire recipe before beginning. Measure out all of your ingredients. This recipe is endlessly adaptable – use your favourite cheese and add-ins of your choice!

Preheat oven to 350°F. Grease a 9-inch quiche, pie plate or baking pan.

In a large bowl, beat the eggs lightly with a whisk, ensuring that the yolks and whites are well combined. Add the milk and whisk well to combine. Whisk in the salt and pepper, and then the flour (a little at a time), until no lumps remain.

Stir in the cheese, diced vegetables and/or other add-ins.

Pour into prepared pan and bake for 40-45 minutes. The quiche is done when golden on the edges (and slightly golden on top), firm, and the centre is set/not wet. The quiche will rise a little during baking, and the settle a little as it cools.

Allow to cool for about 5 minutes and serve warm.

. . .

Lobster, Bacon and Gruyère Crustless Quiche

print and make

Yields one 9-inch quiche.

• 4 strips bacon
• 1/2 cup diced shallot
• 3 eggs
• 1 1/2 cups milk
• 3/4 cup all-purpose flour
• 1/8 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
• 1 cup grated gruyère
• 1 1/2 cup chopped, cooked lobster

Mise en place – begin by getting organized. Read through the entire recipe before beginning. Measure out all of your ingredients.

Preheat oven to 350°F. Grease a 9-inch quiche, pie plate or baking pan.

Place bacon in a skillet and cook until crisp over medium-low to medium heat. Remove the bacon, and allow drain on paper towel. Once cool enough to handle, dice or crumble the bacon into small pieces and set aside.

Drain the fat from the skillet and then cook the diced shallot in the same pan for 1-2 minutes – to soften slightly.  Remove from pan and set aside.

In a large bowl, beat eggs lightly with whisk, ensuring that the yolks and whites are well combined. Add the milk and whisk well to combine. Whisk in the salt and pepper, and then the flour (a little at a time), until no lumps remain.

Stir in the cheese, lobster, bacon and shallot.

Pour into prepared pan and bake for 40-45 minutes. The quiche is done when golden on the edges (and slightly golden on top), firm, and the centre is set/not wet. The quiche will rise a little during baking, and the settle a little as it cools.

Allow to cool for about 5 minutes and serve warm.

Results from the inaugural Peruser’s Druthers poll are in! Sounds like y’all wanna hear about my almost-relationship with Gérard Depardieu, and I’ve gotta tell you: 2.0 was pretty relieved. But I won’t be telling you that story today. Nope. Because I’ve got a little situation with my left hand which makes typing un-fun. I’m lurching around the interwebs like Frankenstein’s monster on a trampoline. But don’t worry, little lambs, I’m on the mend! 

So, to tide you over (and build a little Depardieu suspense), I thought I’d share one of my most favourite meals with you. This little ditty has been in my repertoire for years and years. I make it for myself when 2.0 travels – because he doesn’t like shrimp – and I made some today because it always makes me feel less beastly.

You can get the recipe on Epicurious. It’s super easy to make, and takes only minutes to throw together. The fennel has a nice crunch (slice it thin), the feta adds a satisfying saltiness, and the shrimp? Well, shrimp is a party for your mouth. This dish ain’t pretty, but it is delicious. I make the recipe almost exactly as written, except I stir the feta and dill in as I’m cooking the shrimp, so the cheese gets a little melty and saucy (rather than using it as a garnish). I usually use frozen shrimp that has been defrosted, peeled, deveined, and de-tailed. (I don’t eat tail.)

Hey, did you know that Gérard Depardieu has been in about 170 movies? Probably not. You don’t know him like I do…

In recent weeks, whenever I mention how incredibly lazy I’ve been as of late, my mother will respond with, “well, of course! After the year you’ve had?” And then she’ll go on to talk about how I went back to school, worked, and did all sorts of other things that I don’t really recall doing. All the while she’s nodding and furrowing her brow. At first, I agreed. I mean, I was really tired. There were days when the thought of pulling down my pants, only to have to pull them back up again when going to the bathroom, was almost too much to bear. But after a few weeks, I began to feel kind of guilty about doing absolutely nothing of worth.

EXAMPLES

movita: I should clean my house. Or move that pile of papers to that other table.

Rosie Beaucoup: You shouldn’t be worrying about a dirty house right now. Not after the year you’ve had! You should be resting! My goodness. You need to decompress!

movita: Sorry I missed your call. It’s just that the phone was all the way on the other side of the room.

Rosie Beaucoup: I shouldn’t have called. After the year you’ve had? Working, going to school, homework? Not to mention the challenges of changing careers! My goodness! It would be too much effort to walk across the room.

movita: Can you hand me that stick? I can’t reach the remote and I want to turn on the tv.

Rosie Beaucoup: Of course! After the year you’ve had? Frankly, I’m surprised you even managed to get that stick into the house.

Last weekend, 2.0 and I were visiting The Beaucoups, and after hearing Rosie defend my laziness for the millionth time, I asked just how long she felt this would be an acceptable excuse. And she said: one year.

movita: ONE YEAR?! From…

Rosie Beaucoup: Graduation.

I’m pretty sure 2.0 died a little.

So, friends, let’s hear it for the Year of the Sloth. Here’s to doing nothing until June 18, 2014. Here’s to awesome mothers. And here’s to making the move to adult diapers to save myself the trouble of fiddling with pants.

Know what? This salad doesn’t require a lot of effort. Especially if you get someone else to make it for you. Then you’ve just gotta figure out how to get it into your mouth. It’s tangy and refreshing. The red onion and pepper add a nice crunch. The mango? Sweet goodness! It makes a lovely lunch, or you could have it alongside the dinner someone else makes for you one night.

I’ve almost got enough energy to high-five myself. But I know Rosie would rather I rest.

. . .

Mango Salad

recipe: from Canadian Living, with adjustments to the notes

print and make

Serves 4-6 as a starter or side.

• 1/3 cup chopped fresh coriander (cilantro)
• 1/3 cup chopped fresh mint
• 2 tablespoons freshly squeezed lime juice
• 4 teaspoons granulated white sugar
• 4 teaspoons fish sauce
• 1 tablespoon vegetable oil (such as canola)
• 1/4 teaspoon Asian chili sauce or hot pepper sauce
• 2 large, ripe mangoes (not too soft), cut into thin slices
• 1 sweet red pepper, thinly sliced
• 1 cup thinly sliced red onion
• 1/3 cup chopped toasted cashews or peanuts

Mise en place – begin by getting organized. Measure out all of your ingredients. Toast the nuts in a dry skillet over medium heat until golden and fragrant (about 5-8 minutes), and allow to cool. To prepare the mangoes, cut the pointy ends off and set each mango on its end to cut. Using a sharp knife, cut off the peel, cutting as close to the flesh as possible. Then remove the flesh of the mango and cut into thin strips. 

In a large bowl, whisk together the coriander, mint, lime juice, sugar, fish sauce, oil and chili sauce.

Add the mangoes, red pepper and onion; toss to coat.

Sprinkle with roasted cashews/peanuts before serving.