crap i’ve been meaning to tell you about

TAKE A CRAP BATH

crap no. 39

crap i've been meaning to tell you about // movita beaucoup

I haven’t been able to drink anything peach flavoured since 1990 because one weekend I polished off an impressively large bottle of Dr. McGillicud­dy’s Peach Schnapps and… well, you know how that goes. Guys? I don’t think Dr. McGillicuddy was a legit doctor. Niles the Cat had an eye infection (yes, most of my life…

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crap no. 38

crap i've been meaning to tell you about // movita beaucoup

I solved the Golden State Killer case 6 months ago and have received zero credit for the recent arrest of that seriously shady character. I KNEW IT WAS A COP.  8573 episodes of Forensic Files finally paid off. None of my neighbours bothered to alert me when the K-9 unit was in my yard looking…

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crap no. 37

crap i've been meaning to tell you about // movita beaucoup

I recently finished watching Seven Seconds on Netflix and it’s the best show I’ve seen in ages. I yelled at my television a lot (WHAT? NOOOOOOO!) and did some crying (the blubbering kind). Apparently there won’t be a second season because people are idiots. Since writing about the time I almost pooped my pants on…

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petite merde no. 4: identity crisis

petite merde // movita beaucoup

A former student – now colleague and pal – has been a constant source of hilarity and forehead slapping for many years. I like to take credit for her good looks and brilliant sense of humour. I take absolutely no credit for her abilities as an eye witness and/or trust in humanity. A Facebook Messenger…

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crap no. 36

crap i've been meaning to tell you about // movita beaucoup

I know I haven’t been around here much lately, but I’ve been super busy trying to earn the respect of a local school-yard gang, so… it’s been a lot of late nights. A couple living in the basement apartment across the street from us spends a good portion of their days and evenings chain smoking…

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crap no. 35

crap i've been meaning to tell you about // movita beaucoup

Twice over the holidays 2.0 called me Richard. RICHARD. On the plus side, 2.0’s Uncle John sometimes refers to him as H20, and I like to think I had a little something to do with that. Someone asked me about Murder Couple the other day, and I’m sad to say I haven’t seen them since…

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crap no. 34

crap i've been meaning to tell you about // movita beaucoup

On a lovely day in September, 2.0 turned to me and asked, “Is today my sister’s anniversary?” I patiently replied with, “Well, she got married on your birthday.” He stood there staring at me until I further clarified with, “TODAY’S NOT YOUR BIRTHDAY, HONEY.” Rosie Beaucoup likes to lecture her adult children about all sorts…

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crap no. 33

crap i've been meaning to tell you about // movita beaucoup

I had big plans for this summer which included blogging, writing a volume of Ballet Explained, a collection of autofictional essays and a bestselling children’s book, becoming a skilled dance photographer, and purging our entire house. I have achieved 2.5% of this. (Okay, 1.5%.) I believe my lack of productivity has something to do with…

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crap no. 32

crap i've been meaning to tell you about // movita beaucoup

My summer of funemployment is underway! I know what you’re thinking: please don’t ever use the word funemployment again. I can’t make any promises. I know I said I’d be around here a lot more, but I’ve been super busy. I reorganized my craft room, bought a new scratching post for the cats, and… well…

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crap no. 31

crap i've been meaning to tell you about // movita beaucoup

I’ve been a bit MIA lately because I have a neck injury that is making it difficult to sit at the computer and live and stuff. I know what you’re thinking: didn’t I delete this blog from my reading list three months ago? YOU DIDN’T. I fell at work the other day. (That’s not how I hurt my neck; only my self-esteem…

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