kept woman

kept woman // movita beaucoup

I see you’ve posted a picture of your French tip manicure and engagement ring on Facebook. I’m happy for you; you’ve been waiting eight years for the opportunity to “marry your best friend.” But I need you to know that there is absolutely no way I can attend your wedding. I will give you a…

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things that suck – incomplete, unranked, not definitive

things that suck // movita beaucoup

Leaf blowers Earwigs Crumbs in butter Banana scented things MMA fighting – actually, any fighting done in bare feet and/or involving body parts slapping against one another Leeches Cardboard egg cartons Elastic cuffed jogging pants paired with white socks and shower shoes Those really loud cars and motorcycles Eggnog Baby strollers Bathing suits Wooden spoons…

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an open letter to patricia evans

an open letter to patricia evans // movita beaucoup

Dear Patricia, Thanks for calling today. It’s been a long time. I was excited to see your number on the phone when I got home from work this evening. For a while there, you were calling every day. I loved running to the phone to find your name and number splashed across our call display. We…

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{gently spiced} double chocolate cookies

gently spiced double chocolate cookies | movita beaucoup

The interwebs should mean no more door-to-door anything anymore. Get off my lawn, bozo, I have the interwebs. I’ll look you up if I’m interested. I really resent wearing pants in my own home just because I might have to open my door to pedlars. Also, don’t salespeople watch Dateline Real Life Mysteries? I do. People…

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double chocolate cookies with pecans and caramel

double chocolate cookies with pecans and caramel | movita beaucoup

Remember when people had a sense of humour? Those were the good old days. Have you read this satirical essay? I think it’s a brilliant bit of writing. It made me laugh. Did you read the comments? They’ll make you want to give up on humanity. When did people stop laughing at themselves? When did…

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killer peanut butter chocolate chip cookies

killer peanut butter chocolate chip cookies | movita beaucoup

Remember when peanuts didn’t kill people? I do. Because I could eat a peanut butter sandwich at work. But not now. Nope. Because I work with kids. And kids are different nowadays. They have allergies. And asthma. And environmental sensitivities. I’m not blaming the little crappers. I get that aliens have injected everything we eat…

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banana chocolate chip muffins

When did muffins get so healthy? Remember when you didn’t have to sharpen your teeth to gnaw through a muffin? When coarse texture was frowned upon? When muffins were basically cake that you could eat for breakfast? When I was a kid, muffins were either a) unhealthy, or b) bran. Two options. Now muffins are…

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an open letter to the birds in my neighbourhood

open letter to birds // movita beaucoup

  Dear Birds, Remember what it was like here before 2.0 and I moved in? I do. There were no bird feeders. Now there are three. We fill them with seeds and peanuts and other bird treats. There was no heated bird bath here last year, but 2.0 got me you one for Christmas because…

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