.

Pumpkin Carve-Off 2016 Champion: Lee’s Lessons Learned

movita: You were up all night, Baby Chrissy! It must have been a tough decision.

Baby Chrissy: It was.

movita: What happened in the kitchen? There was a terrible mess in there this morning.

Baby Chrissy: I either made you cookies or set a small fire.

movita: Wait… did you make me cookies or did you start a fire? Which one?

Baby Chrissy: Maybe both? But I probably ate the cookies.

movita:

Baby Chrissy: You know I need sugar when I’m thinking.

movita: What was it about Lee’s pumpkin that impressed you, Baby Chrissy?

Baby Chrissy: Well, it looks pretty badass. The menacing eyes, the jagged teeth! And I liked that it was kind of old school and new school at the same time. Also, Lee’s a kid – like me!

movita: I don’t know that he’s the same sort of kid, Chrissy.

Baby Chrissy: Of course not. Lee has a supportive mother. Mine keeps me locked in a closet.

movita: 

Baby Chrissy:

movita: Let’s just say children are our future.

.

2016 People’s Choice Prize: Amy’s Paws for Reflection

movita: Well, it seems that Amy’s entry pulled some heartstrings.

Baby Chrissy: Agreed.

movita: I’m really happy for her. It’s a well deserved prize – the carving is astounding.

Baby Chrissy: I like cats.

movita: Me too.

Baby Chrissy: Hey, remember when you killed The Rutherfords’ cat?

movita:

Baby Chrissy: Are we not supposed to talk about that?

. . .

Congrats, Lee and Amy! It was a battle well-fought!

I’d like to thank all of this year’s competitors. I truly appreciate your support of my blog and annual competitions. You have inspired the masses with your carving skills! Thanks for being such good sports, for letting me make fun of you, and for putting a little positivity out into the online world.

Next up: GINGER 2016!!

Baby Chrissy (above) is the official judge of this pumpkin smack down, and will determine this year’s Pumpkin Carve-Off Champion. The rest of you non-dolls can cast a vote for the People’s Choice Prize on page 2 of this post. Results will be announced on Tuesday, November 1, 2016!

Don’t forget to leave a shout out for your favourite entries in the comment section – I know it means a lot to our competitors. Let’s make everyone feel like a winner, okay? You can support your favourite entries by encouraging your friend to vote too. If you have more than one friend, good for you. Maybe stop bragging for a second and get that sadsack to cast a vote as well.

If you’d like more information on the competition guidelines, click here.

To go directly to the polling page, click here.

. . .

Eva’s Benjamin Button Pumpkin

Eva – who blogs here – sent the following information with her entry: I humbly submit my Halloween 2008 masterpiece for your & baby Chrissy’s consideration. I have carved many a pumpkin since but have never been as enamoured by my creations as I was with this one. We’ll see if one of the three pumpkins perched on my steps waiting to be slaughtered this year will bring me as much delight as this one. 

movita: Now that’s a classic jack-o’-lantern!

Baby Chrissy: I’ll say. It’s from 2008.

movita: That’s not what I meant. 

Baby Chrissy: But it’s really old.

movita: Ah, but in 2008 The Curious Case of Benjamin Button opened in theatres.

Baby Chrissy: Your point?

movita: Well, I haven’t seen the movie, but I believe it’s about a man who ages in reverse. So, if we if we apply that concept to this pumpkin, it’s basically a baby now. A baby with an absolutely horrifying face, but still, what’s old is new again.

Baby Chrissy: Well, that makes this pumpkin very Hollywood. Not that pumpkins care much about movies. Except Pulp Fiction.

movita: 

Baby Chrissy: You get it, right?

. . .

Joy’s Rite of Passage Pumpkin

Joy writes: This is the pumpkin I carved last year with the little boy I nanny for, then 2. We carved another this year, but last year’s was better (also I forgot to take a picture of this year’s). He drew on the face and supervised the carving. He declined to participate in the gutting of the pumpkin so that was all me.

movita: Quintessential design, don’t you think, Chrissy? How wonderful to think Joy is passing the art of pumpkin carving onto that little boy. Just wait until she convinces him to get involved with the gutting!

Baby Chrissy: The bird poop on that pumpkin reminds me of my beautiful eye makeup. See?

Baby Chrissy: Are you looking? Am I pretty?

movita: Yes, I’m looking. You are very pretty. But I don’t think that’s bird poop on the pumpkin. I believe those are the artistic renderings of a two year old armed with a white marker.

Baby Chrissy: So… exactly like my eye makeup.

movita: That was Liquid Paper, and you know it.

Baby Chrissy: Hey, no need to lash out. Eye forgive you.

movita: 

Baby Chrissy: Here’s the scoop: without Joy, that kid’s brains would turn to mush! GET IT? Because he didn’t want to scoop the mush out of the pumpkin? I guess he didn’t have the guts!!

movita: 

. . .

Bill Beaucoup’s Retirement Woes (Entry #1)

movita: Look, Chrissy! My dad, Bill Beaucoup, sent in an entry. Isn’t it marvellous?

Baby Chrissy: What’s that sticking out of its eye?

movita: It looks like a skewer.

Baby Chrissy: Why is it there?

movita: I’m guessing it’s a statement about his impending retirement. You see, Rosie Beaucoup doesn’t want Bill to retire. She says having him “hang about the house all day” is her worst nightmare.

Baby Chrissy: So… retirement is like a skewer to the eye?

movita: Apparently.

Baby Chrissy: Maybe Bill should take a stab at carving pumpkins professionally. He’s a cut above the rest, after all. And without a hobby, he’ll go out of his gourd.

movita: 

. . .

Lee’s Lessons Learned

movita: This is Lee’s pumpkin. Lee is 13. His mother, Aino, is competing as well.

Baby Chrissy: Lee is competing against his mother?

movita: Yup. And his pumpkin’s a beauty! Look at those teeth! The menacing eyes! The-

Baby Chrissy: But will his mother be mad at him if he wins?

movita: Oh, I don’t think so. I think she’d be proud of him.

Baby Chrissy: Because she thinks he’s the cream of the crop?

movita: 

Baby Chrissy: Get it? CROP? Like a crop of pumpkins?

movita:

Baby Chrissy: Maybe Lee entered this competition to teach his mother a lesson.

movita: What lesson would that be?

Baby Chrissy: I bet Lee would say: if you don’t think I love my mom, you don’t know jack!

movita: Aw, that’s nice.

Baby Chrissy: Orange you happy that teenaged boys are so nice to their mothers? Lee and his mother are probably close because of their deep roots.

movita: Please stop.

Baby Chrissy: You will never squash my enthusiasm.

. . .

Bill Beaucoup’s Gourdeous Submission (Entry #2)

movita: Here is Bill Beaucoup’s second entry, Chrissy.

Baby Chrissy: Wait. A second entry?

movita: Yup.

Baby Chrissy: And he hasn’t retired yet?

movita: No, but soon.

Baby Chrissy: It’s just that… it seems like he already has a lot of time on his hands, and he hasn’t even started hanging around the house all day.

movita: I don’t think you’re helping his case.

Baby Chrissy: He seems to have carved out a lot of time for this competition. Look at the gourd pipe, the crazed eyes, the wacky hair! That takes planning.

movita: Uh huh.

Baby Chrissy: Actually, that pumpkin looks a little like Bill. If Bill came from a seedy part of town, that is.

movita:

Baby Chrissy: Sorry. I can’t stop.

CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE TO PAGE 2 TO VIEW MORE ENTRIES 
AND VOTE FOR THE PEOPLE’S CHOICE PRIZE!

This will be – hands down – the crappiest competition I have ever hosted. If you would like to be a part of this absolutely horrendous contest, please read the extensive guidelines below:

1. Carve a pumpkin. I don’t like rules, so as long as it involves some carving, even the smallest amount, I’m happy. Yes, you can glue stuff on. Yes, you can paint it. Yes, you can send more than one entry. No, I will not respond to emails requesting clarification. Figure it out, bozo.

2. Yes, you can enter the pumpkin you carved last year. How the hell would I know? I don’t have time to get the FBI to check the time stamps on your goddamned photos, nor am I motivated to get the cast of CSI to check your entry against their jack-o-lantern database.

3. Send a picture (two maximum) of your pumpkin by Saturday, October 29, 2016, 6:00 pm AST. Email your entry to movita@live.ca. Early entries are appreciated more than I can tell you. Photos shouldn’t include you/your kids/humans. Creative staging and lack lustre photography are encouraged.

4. Send TWO photos only. I’m not kidding. And please don’t send me a photo you found online and then claim it as your own. Not cool, dude.

5. No photo collages. You aren’t fooling anyone – we all know it’s really six photos you submitted as one thanks to the magicians at picmonkey.com. Cut that shit out.

6. Send your name, email, and any other information you might want included with your entry. Personal information (email, last name, weight) will not be posted. Just your first name, photos, and the stupid stuff you tell me about your “creative process.” (This could be useful if your pumpkin doesn’t conform to society’s definition of a well-carved pumpkin.)

7. If you’re a blogger, please send a link to your blog. Don’t assume I know who you are. I’m pretty stupid, and I hate doing any more work than absolutely required. If you don’t include a link with your entry, I will assume you would prefer I don’t link to your blog. This would be wise, of course, as it is probably best not to associate your brand with mine. I completely understand.

8. Wait for your pumpkin to appear on movitabeaucoup.com on Monday, October 31, 2016. I will make fun of it. I will probably make fun of you. That’s how things work around here.

9. Wait for Baby Chrissy to name the Pumpkin Carve-Off 2016 Champion. I cannot explain her process, but I trust her judgement completely. This year’s one and only champion will receive a $25.00 Amazon gift card. Baby Chrissy’s decision is final. I don’t care if you agree, or feel she has been influenced by anyone or anything. You no like, you no enter. You hear me, internet dickheads? DON’T ENTER.

10. As always, there will be online polling. This is because online polling will ensure that most of you feel really crappy about yourselves. That’s what the internet was invented for. Online polling will take place throughout the day/evening on October 31, 2016. The winner of online polling will receive the People’s Choice Prize – a $20.00 Amazon gift card.

11. The other competitors/losers will get nothing. I don’t have sponsors. You know who sponsors this crappy competition? ME.

My god, this is a terrible contest.

12. Winners will be announced on Tuesday, November 1, 2016.

Meet Baby Chrissy, Pumpkin Carve-Off Judge:

Baby Chrissy has been one of my best friends since I was about three years old (1975). She’s been wearing that Uncle Bobb Wants You t-shirt since the early 1980s. Yes, I gave her that haircut, and yes, I did her makeup. That’s why I keep getting emails addressed to me as: Dear Lifestyle Blogger.

Baby Chrissy has an uncanny knack for understanding pretty much everything that’s going on in my mind. Do the sounds of her cries fill our house at night? Do we sometimes hear scratching sounds from within the closet she likes to sleep in? Are we convinced she’s going to murder us in our sleep? Maybe. So though she’s completely unqualified for judging any sort of competition, I didn’t want to say no to her.

Not again.

Final Notes:

The entries in my competitions tend to be extremely varied in terms of theme and execution. Baby Chrissy will select her favourite entry, not necessarily the most technically or professionally executed masterpiece. It is entirely possible that a little kid will beat a middle aged pumpkin savant to claim one or both of the mediocre prizes I am offering up. If there’s any part of you that feels uncomfortable with getting made fun of, being judged by Baby Chrissy, or being defeated by a four year old, please do not enter this competition. We absolutely won’t miss you.

Take a look at past competitions.

Tips on entering (and winning) movita’s competitions.

1st Place: Lady Tofu’s Superstar Magical Hedgehog

(Chosen by the 2014 Pumpkin Panel.)

Lady Tofu wins a $50.00 Amazon gift card, an autographed copy of The Everyday Squash Cook by Rob Firing, Ivy Knight & Kerry Knight AND a position on the 2014 Ginger Panel! (Unless she wants to enter Ginger 2014. If that is the case, Lady Tofu will appoint a person of her choice to the panel, which is basically an automatic vote in her favour.) Also, because of this competition, Lady Tofu found a long sought after table. Lives have been changed.

2nd Place: Aaron’s Oogie Boogie

(Chosen by the 2014 Pumpkin Panel.)

Aaron wins a $25.00 Amazon gift card AND an autographed copy of The Everyday Squash Cook by Rob Firing, Ivy Knight & Kerry Knight.

2014 People’s Choice Prize: Lan & DW’s Éléphant

(Chosen by the People of the Interwebs through online polling.)

Lan and DW win a $25.00 Amazon gift card AND an autographed copy of The Everyday Squash Cook by Rob Firing, Ivy Knight & Kerry Knight.

. . .

I’d like to send a huge thank you out to all of this year’s competitors. Your pumpkins were amazing! You have to be a little brave and a whole lot crazy to enter a competition like this. Thanks for supporting my blog and for being such good sports.

Thanks also to the Pumpkin Panel for their service and expertise. Especially Rob, who wrote a book in my honour.

Voters, thanks for being so judgemental. I appreciate the time you took to cast your votes in this epic battle of the gourd.

And finally, I’d like to thank each and every one of you who stops by to read my ridiculous blog on the regular. My favourite thing about blogging is you, and I thank you for making this space one of my favourite places to be.

Next stop: Ginger 2014!

(For more information on how this competition will go down, click here.)

. . .

laura’s magical explosion/tree/ghost thing

Laura writes:

As you know, the art of craptastic pumpkin carving starts with choosing the perfect pumpkin, so I didn’t. One was purchased for me, with a giant bruise on the flattest, easiest to carve surface, and a stalk that was snapped off while removing it from the car.

Yup. That’s sounds about right. Also, it sounds like every apple I’ve ever purchased.

With my less than stellar carving skills at the ready, I set out to turn my imperfect pumpkin into a witch stirring her cauldron with a staff. Then I cut the side of the cauldron in half and the witch nearly lost her arm. As a result the staff has become some kind of magical explosion/tree/ghost thing (you decide) and parts of this pumpkin are being held together by hot glue and sewing pins. It may not live to see Halloween, but at least there will be photos!

You may remember Laura from Bake My Cake 2014 or Ginger 2012. Laura has created one of several pumpkins in this year’s competition that will not be on display this evening. Which is a shame, because that pumpkin is AWESOME. The stars, the moon, the cat – perfection! Most impressive is the witch – hunched over her cauldron, wondering why her partner didn’t start dinner even though he got home two hours before her. A pile of laundry awaits in the basement and no one has scooped the cat litter, but sure, she can feed everyone before tackling those chores. Why are there crumbs on the counter? Are those the crumbs from THIS MORNING? Are your arms broken? No? So who will wipe that counter? The witch, that’s who.

Actually, this pumpkin makes me feel way better about my own circumstances. Thanks, Laura.

. . .

shannon’s starbucks shoutout

Shannon writes:

Seriously didn’t think i was going to get this done, but for you? I made an effort. Sadly I had to give up working out for the day… a sacrifice, to be sure.

So, I’m a white girl who carved a literal pumpkin pie spice latte into a pumpkin while wearing yoga pants in late October. If you’ll excuse me, I must go throw this outside on my porch in the 57˚F weather and tell all my neighbors all the things I love about fall now. 

You may remember Shannon from every other competition I’ve ever hosted. She won Bake My Cake 2014. And now, high on victory, she’s back. Like Miley Cyrus, she won’t quit. And, like many women in North America, Shannon can’t do it all. She had to give up a day of work to enter this competition. A day of work where she is probably earning less than the dude sitting in the windowless cubicle next to hers, even though they are doing the exact same job. And she’s raising a kid, which is a full-time job, but no one pays her for that. So yah, she has an occasional pumpkin pie spice latte. SHE DESERVES IT. And sure, she fakes Fall Enthusiasm for her neighbours. Because she has to. Society has made it so.

I’m sorry, what? She said working out? She had to give up working out for the day?

Well, I really like the pie-spice jar-coffee cup motif on that pumpkin.

{Shannon blogs here. Go hang out with her. She deserves it.}

. . .

tammie’s house of lies

Tammie writes:

I promised you a craptastic pumpkin, and then forgot about it for the rest of the month. I felt kind of bad about it (not really for you, but for my 4 kids who were missing out on one of childhood’s joys) Then I thought about carving pumpkins with my 4 kids, and decided to drink wine instead. So, I carved one today while they were at school. Don’t worry, I’ll let them decorate some with foam faces and no knives, so it’s all good. And I got rid of all the evidence so I don’t have to roast those “delicious” pumpkin seeds, that no one ever wants to eat after I do all that work. So, back to my pumpkin. After shoving those eyeballs in there, I heard a crack. Yeah, it broke. It’s hanging in there thanks to some toothpicks, the duct tape of the kitchen. Can I get extra points for using multiple gourds?

You may remember Tammie from Ginger 2012, or from Bake My Cake 2012 (when she let her kids LICK MY CAKE). Tammie’s entry speaks to the hardships of motherhood. How IS a woman supposed to carve a pumpkin (drunk) with four children tugging at her? Isn’t it enough that she actually remembered to register those little crappers for school this year? Roast your pumpkin seeds? Sure. Tammie will roast those pumpkin seeds right after you find the tupperware container that you took to school last week and neglected to return. Right after she fishes your retainer out of the garbage. Right after she washes your dirty gitch and pulls your socks out from under the bed.

At least she got a photo of that awesome pumpkin before the kids wreck it with foam and permanent markers.

{Tammie blogs here. Check it out!}

. . .

cherrill’s pumpkin of procrastination

Cherrill included a checklist with her entry:

Lacklustre photography? Check.
Use of power tools? Check. (drill)
Use of unconventional kitchenware? Check. (tupperware orange peeler)
Did participant manage to stab self at any point in the carving process? Check. (minor, no bandaid required)
Did participant carefully stage the photo? I think the two extra tea lights speak for themselves.
Procrastinate until the very last day? Big check.

This pumpkin is golden. Look at that thing! It has a Dia de Meurtos thing going on, don’t you think? And yet another busy woman takes a stab at pumpkin fame. Cherrill, in all likelihood, had to wait until the last minute to carve this pumpkin because she was busy doing what so many North Americans are doing: watching reality tv. It’s not easy to keep up with the Kardashians. Nope. Not after surviving a long day at work. It’s not like some hunky bachelor is waiting at home with dinner prepared for her. No, Cherrill is like most real housewives. Cherrill has to do it herself. For all I know, Cherrill has 8, maybe 19 kids at home. And still she managed to carve that badass skull into a gourd. Nicely done, Cherrill. Nicely done.

{Cherrill doesn’t have a blog, but she tumbles here. She’s arty!}

. . .

Cast your vote below! The overall winner of online polling will win the 2014 People’s Choice Prize!

Repeat voters are blocked by cookie and IP address.
Polls close at 8 am AST, Saturday, November 1, 2014.

Click here to see the first grouping of Pumpkin Carve-Off 2014 entries.
Click here to see the second grouping of Pumpkin Carve-Off 2013 entries.