A couple of years ago, 2.0 presented me with a golf club and claimed it was an anniversary gift. It was not. (I don’t golf.) My sister, Haddy, was visiting at the time, and told him it was the most thoughtful anniversary gift of all time. It was not. (She just likes to side with 2.0.) So, when 2.0 announced that he had personally selected a birthday gift for my sister, I got pretty excited.

2.0: I have something for your sister’s birthday.

movita: Really? What? (Thinking: a golf club. Please, let it be a golf club.)

2.0: Do you think she was serious when she said she wanted sex for her birthday?

movita: Totally. (Thinking: I doubt it, but let’s see where this is headed.)

2.0: Really? I can’t tell with you two.

movita: Yes, she wants sex for her birthday. She never lies.

2.0: Okay. Well, I got her a man.

movita: Really? (pausing) Where?

2.0: At work.

movita: What’s he like?

2.0: I dunno.

movita: Is he nice?

2.0: Sure.

movita: Is he single?

2.0: I guess so.

movita: Does he talk about a girlfriend? A wife? Have you seen him with a woman?

2.0: I don’t think so.

movita: What does he look like?

2.0: A dude.

movita: Your eloquent words have painted a vivid picture upon the canvas of this conversation.

2.0:

movita: Did you tell him about her?

2.0: No.

movita: Can you help me out here? Can you tell me ANYTHING?

2.0: Um…

movita: Alright, let’s try this: do you think she’ll like him?

2.0: Well, if it turns out he isn’t gay, then she’s really gunna like him.

movita: Wait, wait, wait… what?

2.0: Well, I’m not sure. He just bought a house with a dude. So…

movita: (sighing) I’m pretty sure this isn’t going to work out.

2.0 later told me that the man in question had indeed purchased a house with another man, but more importantly, had also purchased a velour leisure suit. I can’t even think about welcoming him into our family now.

Remember when I told you about that six-inch classic layer cake? How it makes the perfect amount of batter for six-inch pans? Well, this recipe is the perfect amount of icing for that same sized cake – just in case you’re too afraid to make something like German buttercream. This is a classic, American buttercream. It will yield enough to frost a two-layer, six inch cake. There’s not enough for fancy piping – just enough to cover your cake with a few extra swirls.

Did I tell you that on my birthday, I was so exhausted from my day at the bakery, that I DIDN’T EVEN EAT A PIECE OF MY OWN BIRTHDAY CAKE? That 2.0 had a big, buttercream-slathered cake awaiting my arrival, and that I couldn’t even manage a bite? Nope. Instead we ate hamburgers and went to bed. Exhausted, but happy…

. . .

Buttercream Icing for a Six-Inch Cake - print and make

Yields enough to frost a two-layer, six-inch cake.

• 1/2 cup unsalted butter, room temperature
• 2 tablespoons cream cheese (optional), room temperature
• 1/8 teaspoon salt
• 2 cups icing (confectioner’s) sugar, sifted
• 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1-2 tablespoons heavy cream

Mise en place – begin by getting organized. Measure out all of your ingredients. Be sure your butter and cream cheese are at room temperature. 

Note: the cream cheese in this recipe is optional – I like to add it in for a little extra creaminess and to help balance the sweetness. Feel free to leave it out if you don’t have any on hand.

In the bowl of your stand mixer (or with a hand-held mixer), beat the butter and cream cheese on medium speed until smooth – 2-3 minutes. Be sure the mixture is smooth, or you will have lumps in your frosting. Mix in the salt.

Reduce speed to low, add 1 cup of the icing sugar, and mix until combined. Add the vanilla and 1 tablespoon of the heavy cream, and mix until well combined. Add the second cup of icing sugar and mix on low speed until well combined. Add the additional tablespoon of heavy cream (if desired, for consistency), and beat on medium speed until smooth and floofy.

Additional icing sugar or heavy cream may be added (just a little at a time), until the desired consistency is achieved.

Remember what it was like when you had time to sit down with a cup of tea? To sit down at all? Lately, those days seem few and far between. I’ve started my work term at a bakery about 45 minutes outside of the city, and my Real Job duties hit a feverish pitch at this time of year. There are lists everywhere. Dance costumes litter the second floor of our house. Chores have been left undone. Things – all sorts of things – are piled everywhere. I did, however, manage to sort through my kit from baking school, and I thought you might enjoy seeing what I had to lug around on my back all year. Et voilà:

a. gum paste/fondant tools  |  b. circular pastry/cookie cutter set  |  c. bench scraper  |  d. bowl scraper  |  e. lames  | f. digital thermometer  |  g. timer

The sound of those timers going off  - which I often referred to as the call of the Boulanger Bird – will forever haunt me. FYI, we took the internal temperature of every bread we baked, making our instant read thermometers one of our most used tools of the year.

a. measuring cup  |  b. water spritzer  |  c. measuring spoons  |  d. ice cream scoop  |  e. circular pastry tips  |  f. closed star pastry tips  |  g. decorating comb  |  h. pastry brushes

All of our mise en place/scaling was done by weight, so our measuring cups and spoons felt positively primitive when required. I believe the decorating combs caused more injuries than anything else in our kits.

a. small pallet knives  |  b. large pallet knives  |  c. spatulas  |  d. candy thermometer  |  e. squeeze bottles  |  f. whisks

That green electrical tape marked most of my equipment – it was a waterproof way to keep track of it. I can’t tell you how many times I heard, “if it’s green, it’s Rachael’s!” 

a. French knife  |  b. serrated knife  |  c. kitchen shears  |  d. zester  |  e. peeler  |  f. French rolling pin  |  g. ruler  |  h. rasp  |  i. paring knife  |  j. (not pictured) oven mitts. I forgot about the oven mitts.

Those knives could cut stuff just by threatening to – they be scary ass sharp. Thus leaving one in the sink area was grounds for immediate dismissal from the program.

Some personal additions: a. notebook  |  b. bar mops/butt towels  |  c. Tylenol  |  d. lens wipes  |  e. blistex  |  f. sticky notes  |  g. electrical tape  |  h. finger condoms  |  i. bandaids  |  j. pens/pencils/sharpies  |  k. socks knit by Rosie Beaucoup

Every day at school I wore socks knit by Rosie Beaucoup in my steel-toed clogs. It was nice having a piece of her with me every day – especially on the hard ones. Thanks, Mummy!

So, lets talk muffins. This is a re-take on a recipe I posted about two years ago, but I’ve added some Greek yogurt into the mix for you. This is because a) Rosie Beaucoup told me to, and b) Greek yogurt is very trendy right now. Peer pressure works, people. I learned that at college. These muffins are soft and cakey, and not overly sweet. When feeling especially decadent, I’ll slather a little butter on ‘em when they are still warm. I’d recommend using walnuts in the topping (their ever-so-slight bitterness gives a nice balance to the muffin), but you can use pecans if you like. They are perfect for breakfast, or alongside an afternoon tea break.

Let’s kick back for a while, shall we? I think we deserve it…

. . .

Coffee Cake Muffins - adapted slightly from a recipe handed down to me by Rosie Beaucoup, original source unknown - print and bake

Make 12 muffins.

For the filling/topping:

• 1/4 cup brown sugar
• 1/4 cup finely chopped walnuts or pecans
• 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

For the muffins:

• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 cup butter (1 stick), room temperature
• 1/2 cup sugar
• 2 eggs
• 1 cup plain, fat-free Greek yogurt
• 1 teaspoon vanilla

Mise en place – begin by getting organized. Measure out all of your ingredients, make sure your butter is at room temperature. The batter for these muffins is thick and sticky – it’s a get-your-hands-dirty recipe. 

Preheat oven to 375°F. Grease or line a standard muffin tin (12 wells). If your muffin wells are very shallow, you may need to adjust the portioning of the batter and filling/topping, so the muffins don’t overflow.

In a small bowl, make the filling/topping by rubbing together the brown sugar, walnuts or pecans, and cinnamon. Set aside.

In another bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt. Set aside.

In the bowl of your stand mixer (or with a hand-held mixer), cream together the butter, sugar and eggs on medium speed (3-5 minutes). Add the Greek yogurt and vanilla and mix well to combine. Add the flour mixture, and mix to combine.

Spoon about 1 tablespoon of the batter into the bottom of each muffin well. The batter is thick – just press it down/spread it with your fingers a little if necessary. Sprinkle 1 teaspoon of the filling over top of the batter. Top with about 1.5 tablespoons of the remaining batter – spreading a little with fingers if necessary. Sprinkle the remaining filling/topping over top of the muffins.

Bake for 25 minutes or until golden and a cake tester inserted into the centre of the muffin comes out clean.

Allow to cool slightly, and then remove from pan and allow to cool on wire racks.

Don’t forget to enter!

Deadline: May 31, 2013

This week I entered a cupcake contest. I did not win. Mostly because my entry didn’t even make it to the voting round. But that’s okay, because the other entries were pretty rad. Still, I thought you might like to see what I’ve been up to lately…

The deets: vanilla cupcake slathered in vanilla-almond buttercream. Finished with a vintage-inspired ballerina topper (lovingly embellished by hand), and royal icing flowers and leaves.

. . .

Maybe my loss will inspire you to win! Enter:

And then eat your entry. (I did.)

Last Friday, we shut down the kitchen at baking school, and I cleaned out my locker. On Monday, we wrote our final exam. This is how my iPhone recorded the year:

Remember September? When we all thought baking school was going to kill me? Remember those ridiculous lockers? We battled with them all year. It took a few weeks to master taking a run at ‘em to get our gear wedged in. (Forget about getting it back out.) There were uniforms, kits and textbooks, wine tours and our first loaves of bread. At the end of the month I gave myself a 10% chance of graduating.

Everything was in quantity. Why make one if you can make a hundred? There were… challenges. I felt sick every morning for about three months. We were supported by gas ranges, 60-quart mixers, proofers, deck ovens and convection awesomeness.

There were holiday bake sales and seasonal treats. Exams and assessments. I finally stopped feeling sick in December. We became efficient. We learned about timing products, marketing and running a bakery outlet. We sold thousands of baked treats. Things that were hard in September began to feel easy. I gave myself at least a 25% chance of graduating by the time Christmas rolled around.

There was a lot of snacking, and I still managed to lose weight. We learned about all things culinary – not just baking. We started to laugh more in the kitchen. And cheer! We took courses in baking theory, communications, computers and small entrepreneurship.

Cakes. Lots of ‘em. They almost made up for eight months without sleep.

There were bagels, biscotti, and breads shaped like animals. We mastered European and advanced breads, and had the expertise to question recipes and methods. We were able to think on our feet, spot mistakes, and adapt when necessary.

There were miraculous jelly rolls, swans, feats of dough rolling and an amazing school library.

There was mise en place every day, my legendary San Andreas Fault pie, sweet presentations and friends waiting at home.

There was team work. And celebrations. And a stormy morning which found us all but alone on the campus, so we shared breakfast and talked shop.

Now the kitchen is quiet. I feel like I closed my eyes for but a moment, and now it’s all over. I think I will miss it all…

A few weeks ago, I made a product list for my portfolio. Here are the highlights:

Breads

Old Dough/Pâte Fermentée/Biga · French Loaves · Baguettes · Plié Breton · Pain de Campagne · Pain au Levain · Pain Rustique · Pain Pugliese · Pain d’Epi · Fougasse · Pullman Loaves & White Pan Bread · Rosemary Olive Oil · Kaiser · Whole Wheat · Raisin · Cheese · Cracked Wheat · Golden Flax · Rye · Stollen · Panettone · Italian Loaves · Ciabatta · Focaccia · Bhaturas · Tandoori Rotis · Naan · Parathas · Chapatis · Lavash

Cakes

Swedish Yule Logs · Jelly Rolls/Sponge Cake · Genoise · New York Cheesecake · Chocolate Layer Cake · Black Forest Cake · Angel Food Cake · Pound Cake · Fruit Cake

Cookies

Checkerboard Cookies · Speculaas · Biscotti · Sand Cookies · Sugar Cookies · Lebkuchen

Decorating Mediums

American Buttercream · French Buttercream · Royal Icing · Marzipan · Gum Arabic Glaze · Gum Paste/Pastillage · Fondant

Other

English Muffins · Country Biscuits · Morning Glory Muffins · Cinnamon Buns · Pizza Dough · Bagels · Pretzels · Sweet Yeast Dough · Danish Dough · Choux Pastries · Gingerbread · Pies · Linzer Torte · Gluten Free Muffins, Breads and Cakes

So, I can bake some stuff. And many variations of that stuff. We head off to work terms next week – I’m betting it will feel like September all over again. I’ve got a few more baking school stories to share in the coming weeks, and some recipes waiting in the wings. In the meantime, why don’t you hit your own kitchen and make me a graduation cake? Because I’m, like, 90% sure it’s gunna happen.

Click below for the deets:

~ entry deadline is May 31st, 2013 ~

.

I will be graduating from baking school on June 18th. Well, I’m supposed to graduate, but that’s only if I don’t screw up a bunch of stuff between now and then. Anyhoo, to mark my intent to graduate, I was thinking we could have a friendly competition. Because nothing bonds people more than some bad-ass baking.

Here’s what I’m thinking: why don’t you get off your rear and bake me a graduation cake? You can compete with other cool people from the interwebs to see who creates the most epic mass of butter, sugar and flour. Let’s engage in a buttercream smack-down. A sugary battle royale, if you will.

Here’s what you do:

1. Create an awesome graduation cake for movita. Anything you like. I don’t like rules, so as long as it is a cake, I’m happy. Any style. Any colour. Any flavour. Any decorating theme. You get to eat the cake (because I don’t want you to go to the trouble of mailing it to me), so you’re already winning.
2. Send movita a picture (two maximum) of your super-awesome cake by Friday, May 31, 2013 @ midnight AST. Also, if you could downsize your photos a bit, that would be awesome. Please don’t crash my email. (Send photos to movita|at|live.ca or click the email link on the right sidebar.) No late entries will be accepted – you’ve got, like, two months to get your act together. Photos shouldn’t include you/your kids/your pets. We just wanna see your cake, Creepy.
3. Listen, people, I’m not kidding about the two photo thing. Some of you like to send in, say, twelve photos with a charming note that says, “I couldn’t pick, movita, they were all so awesome.” Cut it out. I don’t have time for that crap. Send in TWO photos. If you send more, I will return your email to you and tell you to pick TWO photos and re-submit your entry. I don’t like it when my voice sounds like this. 
4. Don’t send me some photo you found online and then claim it as your own. Seriously.
5. Be sure to send your name, email, blog address and any other information you might want included with your entry. That’s right – I’ll post some lame-ass story you tell me about your super-awesome creation on the interwebs. If you’re a blogger, send along a link to your blog – that way we can all come visit you over there. Your personal information (email, last name, weight) will not be posted on the interweb. Just your first name, your photos, and anything dumb you’ve insisted I include about your cake like, “I set my house on fire baking this cake, isn’t that hilarious? LOL!!” Actually, I refuse to post LOL’s on my blog, so don’t bother trying.
6. Watch for a picture of your super-awesome graduation cake to appear on movita beaucoup. I will, in all likelihood, make fun of your cake. Also, I’ll probably make fun of you. Deal.
7. Watch people vote for your super-awesome graduation cake. Preliminary voting will take place during the week of June 10-14, 2013, with the final vote on Monday, June 17. You can promote yourself like mad on facebook and twitter. Email people you knew in high school. Bribe people to vote for you. It’s the world wide web people! Turns out you can use it for more than just porn. The winner will be announced on Tuesday, June 18th – graduation day!
8. Win the respect and admiration of many. And, wait for it… a prize.

The prize has been sponsored by yours truly – because stealing lunch money at college has been very profitable. The winner will receive:

A $50.00 (USD) gift certificate at Bake It Pretty!

You can buy yourself all sorts of wicked awesome stuff there. It’s, like, the best mother freakin’ place ever. And then you can have your self-picked treats shipped right to your doorstop.

AND

Some treats from movita! Wheeeeee! Including two retro books on using those decorating tips and pastry bags you’ve been collecting. I’m not kidding, these books are from around 1985, but I have ‘em both and use them all the time. Your prize pack will contain:

a. Wilton book on using decorating tips | b. teeny-tiny cutters | c. Ateco book on uses for decorating tips | d. teeny-tiny candles | e. vanilla bean paste | f. a thingy to help you measure butter | g. a garland marker set | h. an icing comb set

So, it’s settled. Start decorating your cakes, and send me your photos. You can send me your entry this week, or slap something together at the last minute like you did in high school.

Email photo(s) of your entry to movita|at|live.ca by Friday, May 31, 2013. Too lazy to copy and paste that email address? Just click on that email button in the right sidebar of this here blog.

The competition starts… NOW!

(Tips for winning movita competitions can be found here!)

(Check out last year’s Bake My Cake entries here!)