. . .
Today is Rosie Beaucoup’s birthday. She’s like, the best mother ever. So I thought I’d tell you a little story – one of my favourite Rosie Beaucoup stories. Some of you may have heard this before – it was on my old blog. But don’t worry, I have to make Rosie Beaucoup’s birthday cake this week, so you’ll probably get a fresh tale of disaster in the coming days.
A couple of years ago, 2.0 and I went to visit the Beaucoups for a lovely meal. We sat around the dinner table catching up on recent happenings and goings-on. Rosie Beaucoup had been talking about a rabbit for days on end. “Oh, the rabbit is so cute.” And, “the rabbit kept me company when I was in the garden!” And, “that rabbit is probably eating all of my perennials…” So, when Rosie Beaucoup lead 2.0 and I out into the yard for a post-dinner wander, I wasn’t really surprised when she started running toward a rustling in the shrubs. She was looking for her bff (bunny friend forever). In fact, I kind of ran behind her. Because I really like bunnies. “There’s the rabbit,” Rosie Beaucoup yelled, and then pulled me by the arm toward the rustling.
Now, I can tell you that hind sight is 20/20. Looking back, when 2.0, Rosie Beaucoup and I were standing on the lawn, I can vaguely recall hearing the men next door talking loudly about a bear. But this didn’t really register with me until I was running from a bear. I had been running toward a bear, because Rosie Beaucoup was telling me to run toward a bunny. This was a big mistake. And this happened because my mother can’t tell the difference between a small, brown floofy bunny and a big, mother f*n black bear. So, though hind sight is 20/20, Rosie Beaucoup’s eyesight is not.
When Rosie Beaucoup yelled, “oh my God, that’s a bear,” I was, needless to say, scared sh*tless. Rosie Beaucoup, 2.0 and I were now about 20 feet from a very large black bear. When Rosie Beaucoup started to run, I followed. Because when Rosie Beaucoup runs, I run. I’m pretty sure I broke Usain Bolt’s 100 metre world record. I engaged Super Speed Mode. And when Rosie Beaucoup, 2.0 and I were safe inside the house, we watched the black bear dismantling the bird feeders from the kitchen window. That’s when I remembered the stories I’d heard of bears crashing through living room windows. But I didn’t mention this to The Beaucoups, because the bear looked like he was headed toward the back door. (To eat them.)
Obviously, I lived to tell the tale. We outran a bear, and would have wrestled it had it tried to eat Lucy 1.0 (the dog). And, yes, doofus, we know you aren’t supposed to run from a bear, but I’m betting you wouldn’t have plopped your arse down on the lawn either. There is nothing instinctual about laying down and letting a bear sniff you for a while.
After our run-in with the bear, when driving home, 2.0 seemed a little miffed.
2.0: You left me behind!
movita: What?
2.0: You ran inside of the house, and you and your mother never looked back to see if I was there. You left me with the bear!
movita: I knew you were there. You’re very fast and agile.
2.0: You didn’t know I was there! I could have tripped! The bear could have been eating me…
movita: No. I sensed you were there.
2.0: I just watched the back of both of you running as fast as you could. You didn’t look back. I know because I WAS BEHIND YOU.
movita: Oh, honey. No sense in us both being killed. It was fight or flight. I just ran. I was scared. And you know what they say… you don’t have to outrun the bear, you just have to outrun the slowest person.
2.0: Not funny. I’m not speaking to you starting… now.
I resisted the urge to tell 2.0 that if Rosie Beaucoup had looked back, she wouldn’t have seen him anyway.
I know what you’re thinking: how is movita going to relate this story to brownies? Well, brownies are brown. So are many bears. Also, these brownies are my favourite brownies – they are one of the first things I ever learned to make, and Rosie Beaucoup gave me the recipe. They are fudgy and moist, and you can tweak them in about a million ways. I swirled peanut butter on top because bears like peanut butter almost as much as they like small, white women. You can swirl in lots of peanut butter, or just a little. Also, these brownies are so easy to make, that I’m betting a bear could make them. Provided that bear could convince you to let him into your kitchen.
Happy birthday, Rosie Beaucoup. Don’t forget your bear horn when you’re out in the garden today…
Yields one 8 x 8 inch baking pan.
- 1/2 cup + 2 tablespoons margarine
- 6 tablespoons cocoa
- 1 cup white sugar
- 2 eggs
- 1 teaspoon vanilla
- 3/4 cups all purpose flour
- 1/2 to 3/4 cup smooth peanut butter (according to taste)
Preheat the oven to 350°F. Grease an 8 x 8 inch baking pan.
In a saucepan, melt 1/2 cup margarine over medium heat. Stir in the cocoa and additional margarine (2 tablespoons). Remove from heat. Mix in the sugar. Stir in eggs, one at a time. Stir in the vanilla. Mix in the flour until well combined.
Spread batter evenly in the prepared baking pan. Drop spoonfuls of the peanut butter over top of the batter, and then use a butter knife to swirl. Just a few drags of the butter knife should do it – you don’t want to mix the peanut butter in – you want threads of peanut butter in your brownies.
Bake for 25-30 minutes, or until cake tester comes out clean. Cool on a wire rack.
drool!
Happy birthday, Rosie!
I’d say y’all are SMART for running from the bear. We once saw a brown bear in the mountains while hiking. My friend tried to get as *close as possible* to take a picture. Before I ran, I thanked her for sacrificing herself for my benefit. I also told her I wouldn’t be coming back for her, but would totally send help if she didn’t meet me back at the car.
She came not too long behind me. All she got was a picture of the bear’s ass…running away from her. Wonder what that says about her that she scared a bear.
Also, I’m going to eat these.
This sounds very fair to me. There’s nothing wrong with securing the car for a friend who may or may not survive a photo shoot with a bear. I think had she offered the bear some brownies, she would have walked away with a better shot.
Yum! Awesome post! Out here in the suburbs, there isn’t much danger of a bear being where the bunnies reside–I’m about 99 percent positive I wouldn’t lie down upon seeing a bear running towards me. I’m impressed with your instinctual running abilities… even if your husband isn’t.
My parents live in the suburbs! Bears round here have decided they like cable tv and compost bins and have basically been moving in. Thus, I’ve started wearing my sneakers whenever I’m visiting…
Maybe you should have made bear claws to go along with this story…
This is 2.0′s favourite comment. Because it made us snort.
Happy Birthday to Rosie!! Hilarious! I loved your story (and that recipe) today!! xo
Happy Birthday Rosie Beaucoup, nutty brownie birthday tooooo youuuuu! <3
Did you write *moist*??
Happy birthday Rosie B.!
Aside from the fact that I can hardly see the brownies through my tears of laughter, I am very happy that you were able to out run your slow beloved and beat the bear to the back door. Can you imagine the massive loss to humanity if you had been eaten? All the cakes unbaked, the icing un-iced, a world I don’t want to live in my friend.
I’m sure 2.0 is lovely and everything but can he bake? Perhaps suggest he carries these brownies about his person to throw behind him the next time he’s chased by a bear. If I were a bear I know what I’d prefer to nosh on.
These are very good points. Generally, when I tell this tale, people feel bad for 2.0. Or the bear. BUT THEY SHOULD FEEL BAD FOR ME. Who would open the kick-ass bakery that lives in my head if I were mauled by a bear? Sigh.
Right. We need to get you, a bear and your mother to London this summer. We’ll make you a star. Hah – great story. I like the white underneath the tail of a rabbit – so cute. These look delicious, Movita – so yummy. I shall have to pin them! Happy birthday to your mumsy!
Right? And the four of us (you, me, Rosie and the bear) could compete in an Olympic rowing event – coxed fours, of course. And people would bring us chocolate for motivation. (And honey for the bear.) London 2012!!
I just laughed out loud in the office. And not quietly, either… I’m talking full blown guffaw-snort combo.
I blame you for all the weird looks my coworkers are going to give me for the rest of the day. However, I may find it in my heart to forgive if you express post me a batch of these brownies.
I was going to send you some brownies, but then a bear ate them.
Happy Birthday to Rosie!
Oh, I am laughing so hard! I’m pretty sure that faced with the same situation, I might have been paralyzed with fear and my poor fiance would have to drag me away from the bear. At least you ran!
Loved your story and your brownies look amazing.
Oh man! All my favorite things all in one square!!
this story is so win.
you could’ve spun the story around on 2.0 and said he should be embarrassed for being so slow… OR that he showed a great deal of restraint and courage to allow the women to run ahead of him…either way girl, good on you & your mom for getting the hell out of dodge.
happiest of birthday wishes to your mom!
What a hilarious post! Absolutely loved it! Hope I never see a bear I think I would just freeze in my tracks. The recipe is fantastic also!
happy birthday to Rosie!
brownies are brown, so are many bears. LOVE it. this story is cute, glad you all made it inside safe, and yep, you only need to outrun the slowest…
Birthday greetings to Rosie. Loved this post. Sing “If you go out in the yard today, you’re sure of a big surprise…..”
it’s exceedingly hard to type when doubled over with laughter; i’m learning this right at this moment.
happy birthday, rosie beaucoup! these brownies look supremely delicious, and i hope you don’t confuse them with any large carnivores. you’re a brave woman for ever gardening again after the bear incident; i wouldn’t be able to set foot in the backyard again without some sort of weapon. sadly, the weapon would do me no good, because at the slightest rustle of leaves, i would pee myself and run, screaming like a newborn baby. A fast newborn baby.
OMG, these brownies look insane! Insanely good, that is! And I will definitely be on the lookout for bunny bears from now on. Pretty hilarious story!
I love reading your stories; they crack me up. I’m glad you were able to out run the bear. The brownies look fudgy and delicious. Happy Birthday, Rosie.
Thank you all for the birthday greetings. And, Shannon, I gardened the rest of the season with a bear horn tied to my belt and I froze and scanned the landscape every time I heard so much as a robin rustling in the undergrowth. But I love my woodland garden too much to look at it from the window.
Yesterday morning,there were five deer and a brown rabbit out there! Could be worse. Our French Mermaid’s Daddy gets wild boar in his backyard!
And aren’t I lucky to have Movita baking my cake for a weekend celebration!
Lucy Darling said that since I didn’t have a cake for today, I should put candles on top of a bowl of ice cream! Another artsy cook in the next generation!
Oh man that gooey peanut butter in the brownie looks amazing!!
I love the brownies but I love the story better. I’m still laughing at can’t tell the difference between a bear and a bunny.
I found your site through another blog and just subscribed to your feed. Your food story had me laughing so hard. Can’t wait to read your next food story!
First of all, you gave me such a laugh. “I sensed you were there!” Secondly, this recipe sounds like pure happiness.
Happy happy birthday to Rosie Beaucoup! Tell 2.0 not to grumble about his duty of protecting the women in his life. He shouldn’t have been running in the first place – he wouldn’t have made a very good warrior in the olden days. You better make sure you don’t board our new age version of the ‘Titanic’ with him, lest he jumps into the boat before you
The brownies are gorgeous! Sadly, I always have disasters with my peanut butter swirl brownies so I’m a bit sore about them. Maybe I’ll feed my batches to any bear I might encounter.
I appreciate your logic- I once had a stuffed bear named Brownie.
Oh, and these brownies look amaaaazing.
WHAT?!
a) your timing is impeccable – apparently on Monday afternoon there was a bear loose in downtown Yarmouth.
b) look at all of your comments!
c) I hope you had a lovely Tuesday sans moi.
Tuesday sucked without you. Mostly because I was imagining the good food you were eating without me…
That story is simultaneously terrifying and so freaking hilarious it makes me cry a little. I especially liked the Bunny Friend Forever XD. Also can’t imagine living somewhere where BEARS just wander about; do you live in the Hundred Acre Wood by any chance?
Here’s the thing with Halifax – we’ve been carving developments out of the woods (so people can be close to the city, but feel like they live in the country). Turns out bears live in the woods. And they don’t like relocating. Also, they like table scraps. So, the bears are now living in close proximity to houses, eating table scraps, and scaring the living crap out of people. Next step: a program to match bears with families that have spare bedrooms for hibernation…
The bear story was hilarious! Happy Birthday Rosie Beaucoup! These fudgy peanut butter brownies are sure to hit the spot. Great story and gorgeous photos. Thanks for sharing!
Oh, Movita – you made me laugh again, but this time it was tears-rolling-down-my-face laughter! Sorry that my laughter was at Mr. 2.0′s expense, but this is too funny!!
So, anyway, I’m an inquisitive type (meaning: I have way to much time on my hands), so I looked up bears in Nova Scotia. Well, the only thing I found was BLACK bears. I tend to think from your posting that you, somehow, didn’t take the time to notice what color this bear was (since it sounds like you & Rosie became just a blur yourselves…), so I’ll just assume that it was – a black bear, that is.
Interesting bit of info here on this site about bears in Nova Scotia: http://www.bearnovascotia.ca/bear_behaviour.htm “Attacks by black bears are rare in North America, and to date, there have not been any maulings in Nova Scotia.”
It also went on to say: “There have been 56 deaths across North America attributed to black bears since the turn of the last century”, but note- none – *NONE* of those happened in where you are! You might tell 2.0 that you instinctively knew this while you bolted ahead of him at the speed of light .. (we won’t mention the other way to look at it – that a bear mauling is SO due… nah, let’s be quiet about that thought…)
Dear Lynne,
There’s nothing like a reader who schools your ass on bears. I almost feel better. And yes, the bear was black. And quite floofy. If I hadn’t been running so fast, I might have taken the time to rub my face in his fur…
xox movita
Either you forgot, or you just aren’t telling us, about the part where every single person in this story peed in their pants.
I do not blame you for leaving 2.0 in the dust, movita. I got caught up in a Palestinian/Israeli rally clash in Paris once and I BOOKED IT out of there. A block later, I was like “crap. Where’s my dad?” I mean, I just didn’t even think twice about it. It’s evolution, baby. Can’t fight it.
You guys have seen Grizzly Man, right? The Herzog documentary? If not, you MUST. RIGHT NOW. It’s the nuttiest thing ever. 2.0 may get a little nervous during it, but you can just shut him up with some of these amazing brownies.
Actually, 2.0 resembles a bear. He’s bigger than me and quite furry. Maybe I should film my own documentary… Alternatively, I could make a film about your dad’s efforts to single handedly solve Middle Eastern conflict.
rotflol while unmentionable things try to snort out my nose…after I calm down I will go print and bake asap..
That is too funny, I love it! I would definitely have run from the bear, although it probably would have watched me in an amused manner for several seconds before effortlessly catching and eating me, because I can run about as fast as a very small snail. Anyway. The brownies look amazing and your photos are just beautiful!
This is the most cruel from of torturing! I wish I could bake and eat all of those gooey brownie right now
These were delish! The chillens loved ‘em and although I had heard the bear story before, it still gave me a giggle.
awesome brownies, movita! i am sure your mom loved them. but even more awesome bear story!! you are so hardcore.