I saw some cute pine cone elves on Martha Stewart’s website last month, and thought I might make some. (It also spurred my invention of the Pine Cone Reindeer, which I will reveal in due course.) I plan to make our little house look like Christmas barfed all over it this year, and I’ve been thinking pine cone elves could really help out in this department.
You know I love Martha. But you also probably know that I get very upset when she gives me recipes and projects that waste time, ingredients or supplies. But I was confident with this elf project. Why would Martha put a Christmas lie on her website? And why would anyone lie about elves?
I gathered the required supplies. Painted little faces onto some wooden beads. Secured some arms and legs onto the pine cone, and then went about sewing some elf clothing. When I made the hat, shoes and mittens for the elf, I followed the templates provided. But the hat was far to big for my elf’s head – it fell to his little shoulders. He couldn’t see! The mittens and shoes were about ten sizes too large. (The hat and shoes in the photo above have been scaled down considerably, and are held together with glue.) The mittens were almost as long as his arms. What kind of elf has hands that are the same length as his coat sleeve? And the elf’s shoes were longer than his legs. It would be next to impossible for that elf to walk, let alone navigate a small workshop.
Unless I can find an elf-sized set of scissors, needle and thread, there’s no way I can make my elf accessories according to the provided instructions. If scaled properly, they would be nearly impossible to cut and sew with human sized crafting tools.
So, I’m redesigning some elf accessories. I will do what Martha’s minions failed to do. I will create the perfect holiday elf. And then I will tell you all about it so you can make your own house look like Christmas has barfed all over it.