. . .
I want a smartphone. This is hard to admit, because 2.0 and I pride ourselves on being uncool. We love to roll our eyes at people who feel the need to keep up with trends. Because we are better than that. We don’t wear labels. We don’t buy fancy stuff. We wear ten year-old pants with pride. We’ve got holes in the armpits of our sweaters. And we DON’T have smartphones. We say things like, “yah, like we need to google things in the car! That’s soooo lame!” And then we laugh. Ah-hahahahahahah! We laugh at the weakness of others. And we say things like, “as if we don’t have better things to spend our money on!” And we roll our eyes and laugh at you some more. And then we say, “people need to know the difference between needing something and wanting something.” And we nod our heads very solemnly. Because we are very wise and terribly practical.
But… I want an iPhone. I want an iPhone or some other phone that is smarter than I am. I do. I’m not proud of this. I know I don’t need an iPhone. No one does. But… I want to google things on the sidewalk. (Even though 2.0 will roll his eyes.) And I want to check your facebook status in the bathroom. I do! And I think I have found a loophole. A Need/Want Loophole. I have suggested to 2.0 that if I were to become famous, I would need an iPhone (which is different than wanting), and that then he couldn’t groan about it. Because famous people need iPhones. Famous people are very important, and need to tweet things all of the time. Like Kanye West. Heck, when I’m all famous and stuff, Kanye might want me to join his dream team. So, do me a solid and visit my Twitter and Facebook pages, will ya? Kanye has about 6 million followers, so that should do it. Unless you hate smartphones. I’d totally understand.
And, just so you know, you’re gunna want me to have a fancy phone in the very near future. Because you’re gunna want to read my tweets. You’re gunna want me to go all Instagram on you. Because you’re gunna want to hear about what I’m doing at baking school every day.
YAH. YOU READ THAT RIGHT.
I’ve been wanting to tell you that for weeks and weeks. You know, because we’re so close and stuff. Back in the fall I applied to go back to school. A real, full-time, become-a-pro-baker baking school. And guess what? They actually took me. I know! So, in the fall, at age 40, I will begin a whole new chapter: Boulanger & Baking Art. I’m pretty excited. And also, terrified. I’m still trying to muster the confidence to actually go to baking school. I’ve seen Fast Times at Ridgemont High, so I know how things work. I’m kinda worried that some 18 year old badass will destroy me in the first week.
So: I need an iPhone. Right? And, uh, if I go to baking school, y’all’ve (new word) got my back, right? Because I’m gunna need about 6 million of ya behind me…