Last week, I received a call from a telemarketer, who informed me that I had been selected to receive one of two very special prizes: a year of roadside assistance or the Slap Chop. When I told her I already had roadside assistance and the Slap Chop, she seemed disappointed.
Telemarketer: But if you didn’t have them, which would you have picked?
movita: The Slap Chop.
Telemarketer: (long pause) Really?
movita: Yes. But we need the Graty.
Telemarketer: You know what roadside assistance is, right?
. . .
2.0 loves to golf, and by all accounts, he’s very good at it. He wins tournaments regularly, and has collected some pretty nifty prizes. But there have also been some crappy prizes over the years. Far too many tool bags, golf shirts and baseball hats.
One fall weekend, when 2.0 met me at work post-tournament, he had some good news. Finally, after a spell of particularly lacklustre acquisitions, he had secured a topnotch prize. He told me about it as we drove home.
2.0: I golfed really well today. I had a spectacular tee shot on the 18th. Three hundred and twenty four yards. Tiger Woods would have clapped for me.
movita: Wow! So you won?
2.0: Yup, and you won’t believe what I won for you.
2.0: A great prize!
movita: Tell me! Tell meeeeee!
2.0: It’s something we’ve wanted for a really long time. But I can’t tell you what it is, because I’m afraid you’ll pee in the car.
movita: I guess if we’re not allowed to eat in the new car, we can’t pee in the new car.
2.0: You got that right.
movita: Is it another travel mug?
2.0: Nope! Man, you’re going to be so happy!
After pulling into our driveway, 2.0 bolted from the car and ran round to the trunk. I stood waiting on the lawn with my eyes closed, as instructed. As he rummaged in the trunk, 2.0 told me that at some golf tournaments, the winner gets first crack at a selection of prizes. It’s a great way to ensure you get something you really want. 2.0 had looked at all of the prizes that afternoon – dvd players, coolers, barbecue sets, power tools – and quickly grabbed what he felt was the best prize on the table. As the victor, this was his earned right.
2.0 picked the Slap Chop.
movita: (grabbing the box) No way! This is awesome!
2.0: I know!
movita: I wanted to get one for your birthday, but couldn’t find one. That’s why I got you the iPod. But I know you really wanted the Slap Chop.
2.0: Let’s chop some onions!
movita: Maybe we should wait until we actually need something chopped – like when we’re cooking. You can help chop when I’m making the minestrone tomorrow night.
2.0: Yah! I’ll do that. I can’t wait!
movita: Let’s go in and take it out of the box! We’ll never have a boring tuna again!
2.0: We’re gunna slap away every day! This is the best day ever! (under his breath) All we need now is the Graty…