crap no. 20

crap // movita beaucoup

I know what you’re wondering: is this blog just going to be crap from now on? And the answer is: probably.

Let’s talk about about people who stop to talk to other people at the bottom of staircases and escalators, shall we? I want to kick them in their backs. They are interrupting the flow of humanity through public spaces. Can something be done? Something that doesn’t involve kicking? (My hamstrings are tight.) Please inform.

My sister has big things happening. I was happily assuming that the second novel of her two-book deal would be based on my life, but when I brought it up the other day she changed the topic almost immediately. Am I going to have to write my own damn memoir? Again, please inform.

I have watched this video 7645 times. My god, it’s exquisite.

Public service announcement: Isotoners are not ballet slippers. Your kid’s ballet teacher will not fall for it, so quit trying.

Many years ago, when visiting Boston, a travel-mate told me he wanted to see the USS Constitution. I heard: let’s go see the US Constitution. I had always assumed the Constitution lived in Washington, so I was confused, but also easily distracted by the promise of doughnuts on our outing. I had no interest in seeing the document (just as I have no interest in forts or ancient coins), but sometimes traveling with other people means compromise. As we wandered the city, I figured I should muster some fake excitement for the main event – you know, to make it seem like I really wanted to be there. I even pre-planned some enthusiastic remarks like, “Hey, that paper is super yellow!” And, “That sure is some old-timey writin’!” But it turned out we were going to see a big old boat – not the written, supreme law of the United States of America. I have no point here really. I just remembered this the other day, and here we are. I didn’t even get to utilize my supreme acting skills.

crap // movita beaucoup

Every once and a while, 2.0 prepares dinner for me. One evening I returned from work to find a pot of beans and wieners on the stove.

movita: Thanks for making dinner! I haven’t had this in forever. So good!

2.0: You’re welcome. (pausing) Listen, don’t tell your parents, okay?

movita: Tell them what?

2.0: That we’re eating beans and wieners.

movita: Huh? Why?

2.0: Because beans and wieners are what poor people eat. They’ll think we’re poor.

movita: No they won’t! We ate them all the time when we were kids. Wait… was I poor?

2.0: Looks like it.

movita: That would explain the dog biscuits…

crap // movita beaucoup

crap // movita beaucoup

crap // movita beaucoup

20 Comments

  1. Cindy on February 17, 2016 at 3:46 pm

    BAHAHAHAHAHA…….you know, that is how my sister and I found out we were poor too…….beans and wieners, we were well into our 30’s before we stumbled across that information. LOL We had no idea. 🙂

    • movita beaucoup on February 17, 2016 at 6:32 pm

      I’ve learned so much about my childhood now that I’m middle-aged. Most of it terrifying.

  2. Stacy on February 17, 2016 at 4:09 pm

    We didn’t do beans and weiners (which WordPress has suggested I correct as whiners – which would be what people who don’t like beans are. But I like beans, so there, WP. Weiners.) but we sure ate a lot of tuna casserole and Hamburger Helper. I knew we didn’t have much spare money but POOR? What a concept. In a completely separate incident, I did try dog biscuits with a friend who was babysitting for folks with a hound. They weren’t so bad. (The biscuits. The people I didn’t know. On the other hand, most people leave cookies or pizza for the babysitter. She really needed to find a better sort of clientele. That was the last time I went to keep her company at that house.) Still friends with the friend now a thousand years later, although trying the biscuits was her idea. Because I am forgiving that way.

    • movita beaucoup on February 17, 2016 at 6:35 pm

      I’m still friends will all of my doggy childhood pals, too.

      I mean: dodgy. Slip of the tongue…

  3. Ted on February 17, 2016 at 4:30 pm

    My sister and I would eat dog biscuits on a dare. Then it was how many we could eat on a dare. I didn’t think we were poor even though Spam was a frequent staple. I think we we’re just bored.

    • movita beaucoup on February 17, 2016 at 6:36 pm

      Boredom is easily cured with dares and dangerous activities. And why eat one dog biscuit when you could make someone else look bad by eating TEN?!

  4. rockandwool on February 17, 2016 at 4:55 pm

    uh, if you weren’t already married, I would marry you!
    hmm. if I weren’t already married, I would marry you.

    nope. we’d still be poor–
    sorry.

    But loved your rich writing, again!!!
    Gobbled it up.

    kiss
    kiss

    your teri

    • movita beaucoup on February 17, 2016 at 6:45 pm

      Maybe we should just join a cult? I’m pretty sure they’d be okay with us being married to multiple partners… In the meantime, I’m always so happy to find you here! xox

  5. EVA on February 17, 2016 at 5:45 pm

    I❤U

    • movita beaucoup on February 17, 2016 at 6:37 pm

      Oh, Eva. I know you do.

  6. Liz on February 17, 2016 at 7:33 pm

    Aw, you were adorable! How is a toddler to know the difference between cookies and doggy biscuits?? 😉

    • movita beaucoup on February 19, 2016 at 7:49 am

      Uh, it’s pretty clear that only one of those things was being offered, Liz.

  7. rockandwool on February 17, 2016 at 8:05 pm

    pss.
    omygroovygoodness!
    the dance video made me / us sooooooo happy!

  8. Melissa@EyesBigger on February 18, 2016 at 12:56 am

    Yes. Let’s talk about stairs. My particular favourite thing is people who stop at the top of escalators in airports and train stations when everyone behind them has got a suitcase precariously balanced on the step behind them. And because somebody has stopped right at the top while they try to figure out which direction to go, everyone behind them topples down to the bottom of the escalator in a pile of broken bones and with suitcases piled up on top of them. It’s super fun!

    • movita beaucoup on February 19, 2016 at 7:50 am

      It’s so sad when you find a pile of broken bones at the bottom of a staircase. Now I know how they got there…

  9. kerrycooks on February 18, 2016 at 9:01 am

    Awesome post as ever. People who stop walking in front of others should definitely be tasered in punishment (or at the very least have an elastic band snapped on their wrist).

    • movita beaucoup on February 19, 2016 at 7:49 am

      Or the elastic band of their underpants…

  10. Lan | MoreStomach on February 18, 2016 at 11:03 am

    dw bought TWENTY pounds of random variety beans over the winter for us to eat. and i was like, that’s poor folk food. wait, are we poor? and he answered, well they are organic. so there’s my bean story for you.

    • movita beaucoup on February 19, 2016 at 7:48 am

      Did he, by any chance, exchange a cow for the beans? If so, they’ll probably get you a bag of gold in the end. (Which should more than cover the extra fees for organic.)

  11. SJM on March 9, 2016 at 10:52 am

    isotoners as ballet slippers! something only the dance teachers in the crowd can relate to. stop it you parents you!

Leave a Comment





This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.