petite merde no. 4: identity crisis

A former student – now colleague and pal – has been a constant source of hilarity and forehead slapping for many years. I like to take credit for her good looks and brilliant sense of humour. I take absolutely no credit for her abilities as an eye witness and/or trust in humanity.

A Facebook Messenger exchange:

Anni: Ok, weird question, but is your dad on the gallery board? I’m 90% sure I ran into him the other night and he gave me a hug and we chatted and then he drove me home. His name was Bill! And he had a bit of a British accent. If it was him don’t tell him I had to ask you.


Anni: Seriously? He had a dark grey Benz.

movita: No. My Bill isn’t on any boards. And he doesn’t own a Benz. Also, he’s not supposed to drive at night. DUDE.

Anni: Please tell me you’re messing with me.

movita: I’m not. Also, HE’S NOT BRITISH.

Anni: Well who was it then?

movita: I DON’T KNOW!

Anni: Ok. I looked the board up online. Bill Gillis? You sure that isn’t your dad? WHO IS BILL GILLIS?

movita: Yes, I’m sure. My dad has the same last name as I do, bozo. And it’s not Gillis. But I’m sure your Bill isn’t a murderer. Right?

Anni: So far, so good. But I clearly knew him! I’ll let you know when I figure it out. You sure your dad doesn’t lead a double life?

movita: Pretty sure.

Two weeks later:

Anni: Just saw our friend Bill Gillis at the coffee shop! Great guy.

movita: I’m going to assume you accepted a ride home.

And a week after that:

Anni: It’s raining out and Bill Gillis isn’t here to drive me home. ?

Turns out Anni had met Bill Gillis a number of times in the past, and he was absolutely trustworthy. NOT THAT SHE REMEMBERED THAT AT THE TIME.

Recently, Anni sent me a photo of a man in a grocery store parking lot captioned:
Bill Beaucoup? That you?

It was not.



  1. Lady Tofu on April 3, 2018 at 4:22 pm

    OMG! Bahahahah to that whole story. Thank you for the laugh I have been stuck in the lab all day with crabby know it alls!! I bet they don’t know Billis Gillis, hey wasn’t he in the Muppets Take Manhattan? I loooooooooove your writings!!!!!!

    • movita beaucoup on April 7, 2018 at 9:50 am

      Thanks, lady! By the way, WordPress just showed me your web address. I’M DYING!

  2. Karen Schroeder on April 3, 2018 at 4:34 pm

    LOL I am literally on the floor. Your stories..put them in a book. You crazy girl! Your sister is an amazing writer….it runs in the family. JUST WRITE THE BOOK ! You made my day. I’m sick. Staring out the third floor window in Chicago watching idiots!

    • movita beaucoup on April 7, 2018 at 9:50 am

      Alright. I’ll write a book just for you, Karen.

  3. Joan on April 3, 2018 at 6:06 pm

    Omg that was hilarious. Glad to hear Bill was trustworthy. ?

    • movita beaucoup on April 7, 2018 at 9:49 am

      Me too!

  4. AHAnto on April 3, 2018 at 7:07 pm

    OMG, I saw Bill at the coffee shop too! AND he had a Britsh accent. Not sure what car he drove off in. But he was sorta tall. That’s him, right?

    • movita beaucoup on April 7, 2018 at 9:49 am

      Yes! That’s him!

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