petite merde no. 4: identity crisis
A former student – now colleague and pal – has been a constant source of hilarity and forehead slapping for many years. I like to take credit for her good looks and brilliant sense of humour. I take absolutely no credit for her abilities as an eye witness and/or trust in humanity.
A Facebook Messenger exchange:
Anni: Ok, weird question, but is your dad on the gallery board? I’m 90% sure I ran into him the other night and he gave me a hug and we chatted and then he drove me home. His name was Bill! And he had a bit of a British accent. If it was him don’t tell him I had to ask you.
movita: Nope. WHO THE HELL DID YOU GET TO DRIVE YOU HOME?!
Anni: Seriously? He had a dark grey Benz.
movita: No. My Bill isn’t on any boards. And he doesn’t own a Benz. Also, he’s not supposed to drive at night. DUDE.
Anni: Please tell me you’re messing with me.
movita: I’m not. Also, HE’S NOT BRITISH.
Anni: Well who was it then?
movita: I DON’T KNOW!
Anni: Ok. I looked the board up online. Bill Gillis? You sure that isn’t your dad? WHO IS BILL GILLIS?
movita: Yes, I’m sure. My dad has the same last name as I do, bozo. And it’s not Gillis. But I’m sure your Bill isn’t a murderer. Right?
Anni: So far, so good. But I clearly knew him! I’ll let you know when I figure it out. You sure your dad doesn’t lead a double life?
movita: Pretty sure.
Two weeks later:
Anni: Just saw our friend Bill Gillis at the coffee shop! Great guy.
movita: I’m going to assume you accepted a ride home.
And a week after that:
Anni: It’s raining out and Bill Gillis isn’t here to drive me home. ?
Turns out Anni had met Bill Gillis a number of times in the past, and he was absolutely trustworthy. NOT THAT SHE REMEMBERED THAT AT THE TIME.
Recently, Anni sent me a photo of a man in a grocery store parking lot captioned:
Bill Beaucoup? That you?
It was not.
OMG! Bahahahah to that whole story. Thank you for the laugh I have been stuck in the lab all day with crabby know it alls!! I bet they don’t know Billis Gillis, hey wasn’t he in the Muppets Take Manhattan? I loooooooooove your writings!!!!!!
Xo
Thanks, lady! By the way, WordPress just showed me your web address. I’M DYING!
LOL I am literally on the floor. Your stories..put them in a book. You crazy girl! Your sister is an amazing writer….it runs in the family. JUST WRITE THE BOOK ! You made my day. I’m sick. Staring out the third floor window in Chicago watching idiots!
Alright. I’ll write a book just for you, Karen.
Omg that was hilarious. Glad to hear Bill was trustworthy. ?
Me too!
OMG, I saw Bill at the coffee shop too! AND he had a Britsh accent. Not sure what car he drove off in. But he was sorta tall. That’s him, right?
Yes! That’s him!