How’s it going, friend? You aren’t on a diet are you? Because I made these brownies for you. And me. Okay, I made them mostly for me. I made these brownies because returning to work last week was… stressful. Wanna know what I think of January so far? I kinda think it sucks donkey balls. But that’s because certain aspects of my job are making me want to punch someone in the kidneys. Every job can be like that – equal parts awesome and seizure inducing. Trying to organize people this past week has been like trying to herd squirrels. But, next year (SPOILER ALERT), I’ll be cutting back at work, so the things that are annoying me this week? Gone. Well, not actually gone, just on someone else’s plate.
You should also know that I am developing a Security Team. Yah, you read right. It’s a plan that just sort of came to me. You see, after making a pan of these brownies, I remembered that 2.0 and I are supposed to be trying to keep ourselves alive (read: eating healthy crud). So, I gave some of these Caramilk Brownies to my neighbours. I gave some of these magnificent brownies to my neighbours across the street, and to the neighbours beside us. And then I got to thinking: if I feed these people right, they’ll actually maim for me. Like, on command. Now, my life hasn’t been threatened yet, but when you’re this cute, it’s a legitimate concern, and I’m nothing if not prepared.
Let me tell you a little about the brownies that I’m feeding to my henchmen. They are fudgy. They are soft, fudgy brownies with Caramilk bars baked right into the centre of ’em. Oh, and then the whole pan is topped with melted caramels. Yah, you read that right too. Because I treat my posse right. When the topping cools, it hardens a bit (because it’s made of freakin’ caramels, I say, CARAMELS), so the squares aren’t totally gorgeous when you cut them. But you aren’t going to care about that at all once you start scarfing them down.
That being said, I have a recommendation: eat these brownies warm. If you microwave your cooled brownie for about 10-20 seconds, the topping will start to soften and get runny. And the Caramilk bits inside will do the same thing. They’ll start to ooze. Oh boy. So, so good. But just so you know, 2.0 and I ate some in their cooled state too. You know, in the name of science. The topping was stickier, and chewier, but honestly? Just as enjoyable. That’s why people will fight for us. Because we care. We care enough to test brownies extensively, and then we share those brownies. Sure, we share ’em reluctantly, but we share ’em just the same.
So, if you, too, are under threat of kidnapping, or live in a drug infested neighbourhood, bake these tasty treats. And give some to a few people who you think might be convinced to maim for you. Better than a freakin’ home security system.
. . .
recipe: inspired by Bobbie Marchand and my passion for Caramilk bars
For the brownies:
- 1/2 cup margarine plus 2 tablespoons, divided
- 6 tablespoons cocoa
- 1 cup white sugar
- 2 eggs
- 1 teaspoon vanilla
- 3/4 cups all purpose flour
- 2 100 gram Caramilk bars, broken into their individual squares (more or less to taste)
- 20 Kraft caramels
- 1 tablespoon heavy cream
Begin by making the brownies.
Grease a 9×9 baking pan. Preheat oven to 350°F.
In a saucepan, melt 1/2 cup margarine over medium-low heat. Add the cocoa and the additional 2 tablespoons of margarine and mix to combine. Remove from heat. Stir in the sugar. Stir in the eggs, one at a time. Stir in the vanilla. Stir in the flour, mixing until well combined.
Spread about 3/4 of the batter into your baking pan. Place the Caramilk squares in rows on top of the batter. (Don’t press them down, and try to space them somewhat evenly so each and every brownie gets a gooey bite.) Drizzle the remaining batter over the Caramilk squares. Don’t worry if the squares aren’t totally covered – you can use a spatula to gently spread the batter over top.
Bake for 25-30 minutes, or until cake tester comes out clean. Then allow to cool on a rack.
To make the topping: place the caramels in a small saucepan over medium-low heat, stirring almost constantly until completely melted and smooth. Remove from heat and stir in the heavy cream. Pour over the brownies and spread evenly with a spatula. Allow to cool before eating. (If you can.)