Welcome to Crap I’ve Been Meaning To Tell You About, 13th Edition.
Know what makes me super uncomfortable? People trying to look cool whilst dancing at weddings in their dress up clothes. Can we put an end to this?
Regrettably true story: I was well into university before I found out that seahorses actually exist (thanks, Seahorse Tavern), and aren’t some sort of made up, mythological creature. Next you’ll be telling me that fireflies are real! Just kidding. That’s preposterous.
I got a new iPhone. It is magnificent. And the day I got my new phone, I also got a year of my life back.
I've just spent the past hour calculating and recalculating my age. I thought I was 43. Have thought so for months. My new iPhone just told me I'm 42. I JUST GOT A YEAR BACK! What to do, what to do…
I still feel like I need to do something epic to celebrate, but haven’t come up with anything other than eating a huge bag of Doritos. I’m open to suggestions.
2.0 has finished Candy Crush. All 800 levels. Without spending a dime. This achievement has made him almost impossible to live with, as I can feel him sympathy staring at me when I’m trying to get past a level I’ve been stuck on for three weeks. (Which is every level.)
In December, two autographed books arrived on my doorstep, compliments of my sister. I worship at the alter of Amy Poehler, so knowing that she had touched my book (and possibly left behind finger DNA) sent me off the deep end. And then I opened the cover of Andrea Martin’s book:
We’ll probably start brunching next week.
Effie the Cat has been a little under the weather for the past several months, as she is having some thyroid problems. She lost a lot of weight, and after medicine failed to fix the problem, we put her on a new, fancy thyroid-fixing food. We take her to the vet frequently for check ups and weigh-ins, and I think she’s feeling a lot better these days.
Dr. Hollinger: Effie has put on 4 ounces! That doesn’t sound like a lot, but for a cat, it’s very good news.
movita: This is wonderful! Good job, kitty!
2.0 smiles awkwardly, looks Dr. Hollinger up and down, and doesn’t seem very excited at all. Dr. Hollinger leaves the room to check on Effie’s blood work.
movita: Honey? Isn’t it exciting? Effie put on 4 ounces!
2.0: Unless Dr. Hollinger put on 4 ounces.
2.0: It’s POSSIBLE. I mean, lots of people put on a little weight over the holidays. She still looks great!
movita: You know Dr. Hollinger doesn’t get on the scale WITH Effie, right?
Every day, people. EVERY. DAY.