It’s time! Competitive gingering at its best/worst! If you would like to be a part of this absolutely horrendous annual online competition, please read these extensive guidelines:
1. Create a gingerbread house zoned residential, agricultural and/or commercial. Yes, you can glue stuff on. Yes, you can use a kit. Yes, you can use inedible add-ons. No, I will not respond to emails requesting clarification. Figure it out, bozo.
2. Let’s face it, half of you will send in ginger horses, locomotives, and crime scenes. Those aren’t houses, but I don’t give a rat’s ass. I have more important things to worry about (the negative portrayal of snakes in movies, my bald patch, ironic moustaches). So go ahead, enter your ginger whatever.
3. Yes, you can enter the gingerbread house you made last year and neglected to enter in Ginger 2015. How the hell would I know? Honestly, I don’t know what you’re thinking sometimes.
4. Send a picture (two maximum) of your ginger thing by Sunday, December 11, 2016, 11:59 pm AST. Entries should be emailed to firstname.lastname@example.org. Photos shouldn’t include humans because I don’t like people. Creative staging and lack lustre photography are encouraged. Late entries will not be accepted. Get it together, people.
5. Send TWO photos only. I’m not kidding. Don’t send me six and ask me to pick two. I WILL PICK ZERO and send your entry back to you. And don’t send me a photo you found online and then claim it as your own. Not cool, dude.
6. No photo collages. You aren’t fooling anyone – we all know it’s really six photos you submitted as one thanks to the magicians at picmonkey.com. Cut that shit out.
7. Send your name, email, and any other information you might want included with your entry. Personal information (email, last name, weight) will not be posted. Just your first name, photos, and the stupid stuff you tell me about your “creative process” (aka the inspiration you found at the bottom of a bottle).
8. Do not send me entries via Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Google+ or any other stupid method you might be thinking about trying. EMAIL. If I have to send one more message to someone trying to send me their goddamned submission through Facebook, I’m going TO SHUT THIS COMPETITION DOWN.
9. I beg of you – tell me something, anything – about your ginger creation. Take a look at past entries to see what other people have done. I get that you are busy brushing your horses and counting your money stacks, but if you can’t be bothered to tell me a single thing about your ginger creation, I can’t be bothered to write something smart-assed about it. Do you see what is happening here? I DON’T LIKE IT WHEN MY VOICE SOUNDS LIKE THIS.
10. If you have a blog/website, please send a link. If you don’t include a link with your entry, I will assume you would prefer I don’t link to your blog. (So I won’t.)
11. Wait for your ginger thing to appear on movitabeaucoup.com (December 19-21, 2016). I will make fun of it and/or you. That’s how things work around here. Your entries will appear in groupings, organized by crappiness/awesomeness/theme. In other words, I’ll group them however I damn well please.
12. As always, there will be online polling. This is because online polling will ensure that most of you feel really crappy about yourselves. That’s what the internet was invented for. Online polling will take place December 19-23, 2016. The (one) overall winner of online polling will receive the 2016 People’s Choice Prize.
13. The 2016 Ginger Panel will determine the 1st and 2nd place winners. Their decision is final. I don’t care if you agree, think it’s fair, or feel they have “something against you.” You no like, you no enter. You hear me, internet dickheads? DON’T ENTER.
14. Win bragging rights, the respect and admiration of many, and a crappy prize! (See below.) Winners will be announced on Friday, December 23, 2016.
15. The other competitors/losers will get nothing. I don’t have sponsors. You know who sponsors this crappy competition? ME.
My god, this is a terrible contest.
This year’s prizes are modest, because I refuse to remortgage my home for this competition. I’m giving you every cent I had planned to spend on myself this month, but don’t let that bother you. More importantly, this is a for-fun competition. (For you, not me. I’ll be broke.)
(Determined by the 2016 Ginger Panel.)
A $40.00 Amazon* gift card which you can spend on anything you darn well please, but if it were me, I’d buy this.
(Determined by the 2016 Ginger Panel.)
2016 People’s Choice Prize:
(Determined by the People of the Interwebs through online polling.)
A $20.00 Amazon* gift card which you should spend on candy.
*Amazon US or Canada, your choice.
* * *
Yes, the winner of the People’s Choice Prize might also win the 1st or 2nd place prize. Sometimes life isn’t fair, kiddo.
The competition starts NOW!
Early entries are appreciated more than I can tell you. Send your entries by Sunday, December 11, 2016 (11:59 pm AST) to email@example.com or click on the email icon in the sidebar. Honestly, if you can’t figure out how to email me, you probably shouldn’t enter an online competition.
Entries in my competitions tend to be extremely varied in terms of theme and execution. The Ginger Panel (comprised of a bunch of people I can almost tolerate) will determine this year’s 1st and 2nd place winners. There is no specific criteria, and their decision is final. They might consider: skill level, techniques used/attempted, mediums incorporated, overall appearance, use of theme, or the clever stories you submit about your creative process. Of course, they might just pick an entry that makes them feel sorry for the sadsack that created it.
The one competitor receiving the most overall online votes will win the 2016 People’s Choice Prize.
It is entirely possible that a little kid will beat a middle aged ginger genius to claim one or more of the mediocre prizes I am offering up. If there’s any part of you that feels uncomfortable with getting made fun of, being judged by a panel of strangers, or being defeated by a seven year old, please do not enter this competition. We absolutely won’t miss you.