crap no. 13
Welcome to Crap I’ve Been Meaning To Tell You About, 13th Edition.
Know what makes me super uncomfortable? People trying to look cool whilst dancing at weddings in their dress up clothes. Can we put an end to this?
Regrettably true story: I was well into university before I found out that seahorses actually exist (thanks, Seahorse Tavern), and aren’t some sort of made up, mythological creature. Next you’ll be telling me that fireflies are real! Just kidding. That’s preposterous.
I got a new iPhone. It is magnificent. And the day I got my new phone, I also got a year of my life back.
https://www.facebook.com/movitabeaucoup/posts/782387181797095
I still feel like I need to do something epic to celebrate, but haven’t come up with anything other than eating a huge bag of Doritos. I’m open to suggestions.
2.0 has finished Candy Crush. All 800 levels. Without spending a dime. This achievement has made him almost impossible to live with, as I can feel him sympathy staring at me when I’m trying to get past a level I’ve been stuck on for three weeks. (Which is every level.)
In December, two autographed books arrived on my doorstep, compliments of my sister. I worship at the alter of Amy Poehler, so knowing that she had touched my book (and possibly left behind finger DNA) sent me off the deep end. And then I opened the cover of Andrea Martin’s book:
We’ll probably start brunching next week.
Effie the Cat has been a little under the weather for the past several months, as she is having some thyroid problems. She lost a lot of weight, and after medicine failed to fix the problem, we put her on a new, fancy thyroid-fixing food. We take her to the vet frequently for check ups and weigh-ins, and I think she’s feeling a lot better these days.
Dr. Hollinger: Effie has put on 4 ounces! That doesn’t sound like a lot, but for a cat, it’s very good news.
movita: This is wonderful! Good job, kitty!
2.0 smiles awkwardly, looks Dr. Hollinger up and down, and doesn’t seem very excited at all. Dr. Hollinger leaves the room to check on Effie’s blood work.
movita: Honey? Isn’t it exciting? Effie put on 4 ounces!
2.0: Unless Dr. Hollinger put on 4 ounces.
movita:
2.0: It’s POSSIBLE. I mean, lots of people put on a little weight over the holidays. She still looks great!
movita: You know Dr. Hollinger doesn’t get on the scale WITH Effie, right?
Every day, people. EVERY. DAY.
I love reading these “crap” posts SO MUCH. I can’t even comment specifically on each of the subjects or this would turn into the longest comment in blog comment history! Glad Effie is feeling better though! Hooray for new iphones! I love mine too, and though it didn’t give me a year of my life back, I quit playing Candy Crush which is almost the same thing…
All of my crap is for you, Mellissa. ALL OF IT.
i just like it when one of these posts arrives in my feed and i think, “wow: movita has just finished her 13th crap. good for her!”
it’s simply a pleasant way to begin my day.
Working on my 14th crap, Shannon. Can’t wait to… show you.
I’d hate to be the one in charge of weighing cats :/ Glad Effie is putting on some pounds!
One whole year back is the best gift ever! I am asking for a year back next year and every year! Go, Effie, go!
Never thought I’d say something like this, but “Your crap is really funny! Glad you got back a year, because that means I do too.
Your crap is my treasure. I don’t know what I’d do with an extra year out of the blue like that. Maybe you should take that year off and write a book.
This is an excellent idea, Maureen! Now, we just have to convince 2.0 that love can cover my portion of the household bills…
Movita, best bits of crap on the interwebs. Nice one on getting a year back (wish my phone could do that), you have the BEST sister and I’m glad to hear Effie is on the mend. The silence after 2.0’s comment about Dr Hollinger … laughed out loud imagining the look he got … right?
I believe that I almost dropped to the floor when 2.0 made his statement. And then I laaaaaaauuuughed….
I am ahead of the curve…I don’t dance, period. Ever. Especially at weddings. The only way I would cut the rug, is if there was a circle of guests firing pistols at my feet while my pants were on fire. Wedding are for the drinks, food and sneaking into the bar area with other non(smart)dancers are hiding out during the chicken dance, watching some random sports game.
This is an excellent strategy, Matt. Not the getting shot-at part, the hiding part.
God..I LOVE your crap!!
hearting you always.
PK
GAH! I heart you so hard!
Glad Effie is feeling better!
what about those of us who just really like to dance in our fancy clothes at weddings and don’t have time to worry about who’s watching? how do you feel about us?
Not good, Emma. Bring a change of clothes and then get yer freak on.
you clearly don’t understand how rarely i get to dress up, or brush my hair, or be around people who aren’t truckers.
How about you just wear your truckin’ clothes to weddings? I’d totally get on board with that!
I’m also glad Effie is doing better…2.0 knows the doctor is suspect! Good for him! Movita, have you danced at a wedding in your dress clothes before? LOL
Sadly, yes. There has been dress up dancing. It is the WORST!
Aw I’m so excited for Effie’s 4oz! How are you liking your books? I’m a little over halfway through Amy Poehler’s presently 🙂