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The other day, I caught 2.0 trying to plug a mouse into a cd drive. Not a real mouse, bozo. Our wireless computer mouse needed a battery recharge, so I suggested that he use an old-school tailed mouse to get by for a few hours. That’s when I caught him trying to use the cd drive as a USB port, which shouldn’t come as a surprise, because when I first started this here blog? There was a lot of confusion.
2.0: (looking at his computer screen) Well, your blog looks exactly the same to me.
movita: That’s because you’re not on my new blog.
2.0: What? How am I supposed to find it?
movita: Um, click the link that takes you there.
2.0: Oh… (searching for the link) I can’t find the link. There’s no link!
movita: Right here. (clicking on the link)
2.0: Oh my god! This is totally different! (pausing) What’s this? What the…
movita: That’s the post that tells people not to freak out about the new blog format.
2.0: (after reading the post) I can’t find the comments!
movita: They are right there. At the top of the post.
2.0: Are those the ones for this writing? Or the writing below?
movita: This writing.
2.0: It won’t work! It doesn’t work!
movita: Just hover over it and click.
2.0: I am. I AM CLICKING A LOT. It’s not working.
movita: Over the blue number. Click the blue number.
2.0: Got it… Hey! Here are the comments! (pausing to read)
2.0: Wait. I can’t get back. I can’t get back!
movita: Well, you could just hit the “back” button. Or click on “home.” Or “movita beaucoup.”
2.0: It’s okay. I got back. (pausing to read some more)
2.0: Where’s your tutorial list? I can’t find it!
movita: Why don’t you try typing “tutorial” in the search box?
2.0: (typing “tutorial” into the URL address bar) Here?
movita: No. In the box where it says “search.”
2.0: Here? (typing)
movita: No. That’s google. For the love of…
2.0: Found it!
If you’re dealing with a… frustrating situation, you might want to make this blueberry loaf. It’s a lovely pound cake type deal – perfect for breakfast or snacking. It takes a long time to bake, which means you’ll have lots of time to teach someone how to use the interwebs whilst enjoying the smells coming from your oven. It’s very calming. You can use fresh or frozen blueberries in this loaf – don’t defrost the berries before adding them to the batter – that way they’ll streak less. I like to use huge Ironwood Farm blueberries – we stock our freezer at all times. If using frozen berries, your loaf might take longer to bake – mine took almost an hour and a half. Plenty of time to help 2.0 with the computer and vacuum up cat fur.
Also, just so you know, when we bought our iMac, 2.0 asked if we’d still be able to get Google on it. (It’s like he’s not even trying to learn about computers.)
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Yields 1 loaf.
- 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
- 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
- 3 oz. cream cheese, room temperature
- 1/2 cup unsalted butter, room temperature
- 1 1/2 cups white granulated sugar
- 4 large eggs, room temperature
- 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
- 1 cup blueberries, fresh or frozen (if using frozen, don’t defrost)
Pre-heat oven to 325°F. Grease a 9×5 inch loaf pan.
Whisk together the flour, baking powder, and salt and set aside. In the bowl of your stand mixer with the paddle attachment, beat the cream cheese and butter on medium speed until pale and uniform in texture (3-5 minutes).
With the mixer still running, sprinkle in the sugar a little at a time, and beat until well incorporated, light and fluffy (3-5 minutes). Scrape the sides and bottom of the bowl well. Add the eggs one at a time, beating until well blended before adding the next, and scraping the sides and bottom of the bowl with each incorporation.
Add the flour mixture and vanilla, and mix on low speed until almost incorporated. Use a stiff rubber spatula and mix by hand until the batter is blended and smooth, taking care to scrape the bowl’s bottom and sides. Gently fold in the berries.
Spread the batter evenly in the prepared pan and bake until the cake is golden brown and a toothpick comes out clean, about 60 to 65 minutes if using fresh berries, 75 to 90 minutes if using frozen. Let the cake cool for about 15 minutes and then remove from pan to cool completely on a rack before serving.