chili chicanery

chili chicanery // movita beaucoup

2.0 and I often do our grocery shopping together, and we’ve carefully ranked the cashiers at our regular store. We know who’s fast, who’s slow, who’s friendly and who’s not. Our favourite cashier is Clara. If you’re in a hurry, don’t stand in Clara’s line. If you miss your mom, head right for her. Clara will smile a big smile when she sees you, and won’t pack the groceries as she’s ringing you in. Instead, she’ll stack everything up really high – teetering towers of produce and canned goods – and then put everything into bags at the end. And as she’s packing, she’ll ask about your job and weekend plans. No matter how long the line, we always wait for Clara.

Before heading to the store each week we plan our meals and organize a shopping list. Forever ago, when I was battling a cold, we settled on a menu featuring spicy corn chowder. We thought the chowder would be comforting and the spices might help clear out my sinuses. Off we went to the grocery store, carefully selecting our ingredients before heading to our favourite checkout. “Are you not feeling well today?” Clara asked. “No,” I said, “But I’m making a spicy chowder so everything will be okay.”

When we got home, I immediately started making the chowder. The smell of bacon, onions and garlic filled the kitchen. Funny how the ritual of preparing a meal can be restorative – I was already feeling a little better. But as I threw the last of the ingredients into the pot, I was sure I caught the smell of something… industrial. What was that smell? It was familiar. Paint thinner? Yes, the chowder smelled like paint thinner. And the foul odour seemed to be getting stronger by the second.

“This chowder smells weird,” I hollered to 2.0.

“I think it’s the jalapeño,” he said, walking into the kitchen. “Yup,” he sniffed deeply over the pot, “It’s the jalapeño.”

The longer the chowder simmered, the worse the smell got. The stench was hitting the back of my throat, and my throat didn’t like it. What the hell was going on with the jalapeño? I grabbed a spoon and sampled the chowder. It tasted fine – wonderful, even – not in the least like solvent.

“Pee-yew!” 2.0 said, returning to the kitchen. “You’re right! It stinks in here!”

I nodded. “It’s weird that something can smell so much like paint thinner, but still taste so good. I don’t know what to make of it. I’ve never had this problem with jalapeño before.”

When we sat down for dinner, the smell of paint thinner finally seemed to be dissipating. “I was really worried about the chowder,” I said. “I thought it was going to taste as bad as it smelled.”

“Nope,” 2.0 said. “It doesn’t taste bad at all. And I bet your sinuses have cleared right out!”

Later that night, we crawled into bed and 2.0 rolled over to face me. He mentioned that he had been using paint thinner for a repair project in the bathroom; the bathroom located just up the hall from the kitchen.

“Wait, wait, waaaaaaaait,” I said. “When I was making the chowder? You didn’t think to mention that even once? Not even when I kept saying, ‘Gee, this soup really smells like paint thinner?’”

“Well, no,” he said. “Because I wasn’t sure if it was a just a weird coincidence.”

“So you blamed the jalapeño?”

“Yes,” he nodded solemnly.

“And you let me think my cooking smelled like paint thinner?”

“Yes,” he nodded again. “But you also seemed pretty convinced it was the chowder.”

“Because you let me think it was the chowder!”

“Well… it could have been the paint thinner, but it also could have been the jalapeño. We’ll never know for sure.” He paused for a moment and then looked worried. “Maybe don’t tell Clara about this, okay?”

“Please stop talking.”

14 Responses to chili chicanery

  1. Eva August 30, 2016 at 5:49 pm #


  2. Lan | MoreStomach August 30, 2016 at 5:54 pm #

    stop. you’re not gonna share the recipe? i’ve got 5 ears of corn and about 4 jalapenos in my pantry from this week’s csa. i need to use it up!

    • movita beaucoup August 30, 2016 at 5:57 pm #

      If only I were a food blogger… HA! I LOVE NOT BEING A FOOD BLOGGER!

  3. Stephbo August 30, 2016 at 7:29 pm #

    Please, please, pleeeeeaaaaase tell me you smacked him. Because if ever somebody needed smacking, it’s 2.0 for this. Just for being a dumbass. I mean that in the most respectful way possible, of course.

    • movita beaucoup September 1, 2016 at 8:53 am #

      I don’t believe I smacked him, but I do remember waving my arms in the air. Up high.

  4. Joan August 30, 2016 at 8:40 pm #

    That’s hilarious

    • movita beaucoup September 7, 2016 at 6:50 am #

      Stop encouraging him, Joan.

  5. WillCookForFriends August 30, 2016 at 8:48 pm #

    Aaaahahaha! I would be so pissed. At least the chowder was delicious! And you’ve totally inspired me to do a spicy jalapeno corn chowder (maybe next year, since the corn is starting to look not so good). Sounds amaze-balls. Especially if it didn’t smell like paint thinner.

  6. thatskinnychickcanbake August 30, 2016 at 9:04 pm #

    Too funny! I’m a bit relieved there was an solution to this mystery and there aren’t some alien, paint thinner smelling jalapenos out there for purchase!

    • movita beaucoup September 7, 2016 at 6:51 am #

      Well, I can’t guarantee it, Liz. Maybe there ARE paint thinner peppers out there…

  7. Karen @ Karen's Kitchen Stories August 30, 2016 at 11:38 pm #

    Classic! And how sweet that you shop together!

    • movita beaucoup September 1, 2016 at 8:55 am #

      We’ve been doing our shops together since we bought the house seven years ago! And every week as we enter the store he says something like, “Uh oh. I forgot my belt,” or, “I think I have to pee… no, I should be okay,” which makes the entire trip very stressful. (Because I’m waiting for his pants to fall off.)

  8. Lynne Knowlton September 6, 2016 at 10:16 am #

    Just pee’d my pants. I live for reading your blog posts. Just sayin.

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