Welcome to Pumpkin Carve-Off 2016! Nine gourdgeous creations await your vote. Not many, I suppose, but it’s a pretty crappy contest, so… par for the course. I have spread the entries over two pages, because this post was the longest scroll in the history of WordPress. Don’t forget to head to the polls on the second page!
Baby Chrissy (above) is the official judge of this pumpkin smack down, and will determine this year’s Pumpkin Carve-Off Champion. The rest of you non-dolls can cast a vote for the People’s Choice Prize on page 2 of this post. Results will be announced on Tuesday, November 1, 2016!
Don’t forget to leave a shout out for your favourite entries in the comment section – I know it means a lot to our competitors. Let’s make everyone feel like a winner, okay? You can support your favourite entries by encouraging your friend to vote too. If you have more than one friend, good for you. Maybe stop bragging for a second and get that sadsack to cast a vote as well.
If you’d like more information on the competition guidelines, click here.
To go directly to the polling page, click here.
. . .
Eva’s Benjamin Button Pumpkin
Eva – who blogs here – sent the following information with her entry: I humbly submit my Halloween 2008 masterpiece for your & baby Chrissy’s consideration. I have carved many a pumpkin since but have never been as enamoured by my creations as I was with this one. We’ll see if one of the three pumpkins perched on my steps waiting to be slaughtered this year will bring me as much delight as this one.
movita: Now that’s a classic jack-o’-lantern!
Baby Chrissy: I’ll say. It’s from 2008.
movita: That’s not what I meant.
Baby Chrissy: But it’s really old.
movita: Ah, but in 2008 The Curious Case of Benjamin Button opened in theatres.
Baby Chrissy: Your point?
movita: Well, I haven’t seen the movie, but I believe it’s about a man who ages in reverse. So, if we if we apply that concept to this pumpkin, it’s basically a baby now. A baby with an absolutely horrifying face, but still, what’s old is new again.
Baby Chrissy: Well, that makes this pumpkin very Hollywood. Not that pumpkins care much about movies. Except Pulp Fiction.
Baby Chrissy: You get it, right?
. . .
Joy’s Rite of Passage Pumpkin
Joy writes: This is the pumpkin I carved last year with the little boy I nanny for, then 2. We carved another this year, but last year’s was better (also I forgot to take a picture of this year’s). He drew on the face and supervised the carving. He declined to participate in the gutting of the pumpkin so that was all me.
movita: Quintessential design, don’t you think, Chrissy? How wonderful to think Joy is passing the art of pumpkin carving onto that little boy. Just wait until she convinces him to get involved with the gutting!
Baby Chrissy: The bird poop on that pumpkin reminds me of my beautiful eye makeup. See?
Baby Chrissy: Are you looking? Am I pretty?
movita: Yes, I’m looking. You are very pretty. But I don’t think that’s bird poop on the pumpkin. I believe those are the artistic renderings of a two year old armed with a white marker.
Baby Chrissy: So… exactly like my eye makeup.
movita: That was Liquid Paper, and you know it.
Baby Chrissy: Hey, no need to lash out. Eye forgive you.
Baby Chrissy: Here’s the scoop: without Joy, that kid’s brains would turn to mush! GET IT? Because he didn’t want to scoop the mush out of the pumpkin? I guess he didn’t have the guts!!
. . .
Bill Beaucoup’s Retirement Woes (Entry #1)
movita: Look, Chrissy! My dad, Bill Beaucoup, sent in an entry. Isn’t it marvellous?
Baby Chrissy: What’s that sticking out of its eye?
movita: It looks like a skewer.
Baby Chrissy: Why is it there?
movita: I’m guessing it’s a statement about his impending retirement. You see, Rosie Beaucoup doesn’t want Bill to retire. She says having him “hang about the house all day” is her worst nightmare.
Baby Chrissy: So… retirement is like a skewer to the eye?
Baby Chrissy: Maybe Bill should take a stab at carving pumpkins professionally. He’s a cut above the rest, after all. And without a hobby, he’ll go out of his gourd.
. . .
Lee’s Lessons Learned
movita: This is Lee’s pumpkin. Lee is 13. His mother, Aino, is competing as well.
Baby Chrissy: Lee is competing against his mother?
movita: Yup. And his pumpkin’s a beauty! Look at those teeth! The menacing eyes! The-
Baby Chrissy: But will his mother be mad at him if he wins?
movita: Oh, I don’t think so. I think she’d be proud of him.
Baby Chrissy: Because she thinks he’s the cream of the crop?
Baby Chrissy: Get it? CROP? Like a crop of pumpkins?
Baby Chrissy: Maybe Lee entered this competition to teach his mother a lesson.
movita: What lesson would that be?
Baby Chrissy: I bet Lee would say: if you don’t think I love my mom, you don’t know jack!
movita: Aw, that’s nice.
Baby Chrissy: Orange you happy that teenaged boys are so nice to their mothers? Lee and his mother are probably close because of their deep roots.
movita: Please stop.
Baby Chrissy: You will never squash my enthusiasm.
. . .
Bill Beaucoup’s Gourdeous Submission (Entry #2)
movita: Here is Bill Beaucoup’s second entry, Chrissy.
Baby Chrissy: Wait. A second entry?
Baby Chrissy: And he hasn’t retired yet?
movita: No, but soon.
Baby Chrissy: It’s just that… it seems like he already has a lot of time on his hands, and he hasn’t even started hanging around the house all day.
movita: I don’t think you’re helping his case.
Baby Chrissy: He seems to have carved out a lot of time for this competition. Look at the gourd pipe, the crazed eyes, the wacky hair! That takes planning.
movita: Uh huh.
Baby Chrissy: Actually, that pumpkin looks a little like Bill. If Bill came from a seedy part of town, that is.
Baby Chrissy: Sorry. I can’t stop.