crap no. 36

crap i've been meaning to tell you about // movita beaucoup

I know I haven’t been around here much lately, but I’ve been super busy trying to earn the respect of a local school-yard gang, so… it’s been a lot of late nights.

A couple living in the basement apartment across the street from us spends a good portion of their days and evenings chain smoking in their car. (Sorry for the awkward sentencing.) The car, by the way, is running the entire time. We’re talking hours a day. I’ve nicknamed their car The Cancer Chamber, but sometimes defer to my second favourite name — The Global Warmer — thanks to all the idling they do. I kinda want to slash their tires.

Several weeks ago my former employer posted the following update on their website:

crap // movita beaucoup

No further information. Just that one sentence. Naturally most of my friends started sending messages asking a) what the hell, and b) what the actual hell. It was — hands down — the most amusing (and succinct) status update any of us had read in a very long time. The roof, by the way, did not blow off. It sustained damage in a storm.

We’ve had a very unusual winter here, receiving only a fraction of the snow we normally get. Which is sad because it means I don’t get to see much of my favourite reporter doing what he does best.

Last month I dumped my webhost and found the new love of my life: Websavers. The geniuses over there have been fixing up a few things behind the scenes on this glorious, crap-filled space. For example, you should be able to leave comments now. They’ve also made it possible for WordPress to track how dumb I am:

crap // movita beaucoup

SOMETIMES MY FINGERS MOVE VERY FAST AND I ACCIDENTALLY TYPE IN THE WRONG LETTERS. It’s frustrating for me too, WordPress.

A couple of weeks ago, one of my nieces called from France. After a lovely conversation, my brother jumped on the line.

Adopamop: Hey. What’s up?

movita: Nuthin’. It was really nice to talk to Lucy.

Adopamop: Yah. Sorry she told you that you were the last choice. She didn’t mean to make you feel bad or anything.

movita: What’s that now?

Adopamop: Um… what?

movita: What did you say just now?

Adopamop: We went to the bakery.

movita: No. No, no, no. You said… I was her last choice?

Adopamop: Oh, that? Yah, I guess she called everyone else on the list and no one was home. Bill, Rosie, Haddy, her other grandparents, her other aunt… But you were home! And you picked up!

movita:

Adopamop: I think the list was alphabetical? You would have been way down there.

movita:

Adopamop: Kinda sorry I brought it up now.

My sister – WHO ACTUALLY CARES ABOUT ME – sent me this delightful video because if it doesn’t involve murder, I probably won’t watch it. Even if the murder doesn’t go so well.

And finally, a little PSA: you may see some older posts resurfacing in your email/rss feed. I’m in the process of separating some tall tales from the recipes on my blog, and sometimes the internet just won’t let me do stuff on the down-low.

9 Comments

  1. Lady tofu on March 17, 2018 at 1:25 pm

    Are they smoking “special” cigarettes. Like maybe filled with crack and other things?

    • movita beaucoup on March 17, 2018 at 2:05 pm

      No. That’s my other neighbours…

  2. thatskinnychickcanbake on March 17, 2018 at 1:42 pm

    Who knew we’d need to understand so much technology to blog??? It makes this aging brain go bonkers on a daily basis 🙂

    • movita beaucoup on March 17, 2018 at 2:06 pm

      My web host’s servers went down. So I guess my original post now lives in some sort of black hole? Really glad I’m obsessive compulsive about saving my posts!

  3. emmalina73 on March 17, 2018 at 2:07 pm

    This is the best newsletter of crap I have received today. Or even this week! You amaze me. Ah. Maze.

    • movita beaucoup on March 17, 2018 at 5:28 pm

      Thanks, lady! I guess I’m getting good at putting ? on the internet!

  4. Bonnie on March 18, 2018 at 9:03 pm

    ??????? I like your blog and I like these things too. They are exactly what my wrinkled face looks like as I read.

  5. Eva on March 22, 2018 at 11:52 pm

    You are on my shortlist of reasons for getting up in the morning.

    • movita beaucoup on March 23, 2018 at 11:39 am

      Aw! Thanks, Eva!!

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