Behold! The first grouping of Ginger 2016 entries! I like to call this batch: 1 – 2.25 Times the Fun!
Cast your vote at the bottom of the post to help determine the winner of the 2016 People’s Choice Prize. (For more information on how this competition will go down, click here.) Don’t forget: commenting could win you a prize!
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kara and elise’s DON’T EAT THAT!
Kara submitted an essay with her entry. I have included only 1/64th of what she wrote below:
I am entering this sacred ginger event on behalf of my 11-year-old daughter, Elise. Elise is super sweet (just like her gingerbread house!) – not only in personality, but in 90% of the contents of her stomach. If it’s sweet, sugar-filled, or chocolate, she’ll eat it! Sweets are her favorite. Unless there’s bacon. Or steak.
Elise sounds like my kind of girl. If I were on death row, I’d request a steak followed by a McCain’s Deep ‘n Delicious cake for my last meal.
Elise has Celiac’s Disease – she can’t eat gluten, but certainly not because she thinks it’s au-currant to give up every decent and delicious food ever made. So when we went to make our gingerbread house (from a kit), we figured that if she was going to be able to eat any of the candy OFF of the house, it would have to be clad in gluten-free gingerbread!
Kara, I’d like to suggest that you buy double the candy next year. Here’s what I’m thinking: half could be used in gingerbread construction, and the other half could be consumed (by Elise) alongside bacon and steak.
So we made gf gingerbread siding. And roofing. From the leftovers of when we made gf gingerbread boys and girls – because my parents bought those really good gingerbread cookies from IKEA, but they’re not gf…so everyone in the house is totally chowing down on these amazing smelling cookies that she can’t eat. So I whipped up some gf dough. So we took the leftover dough and made fake walls to glue over the kit. But was there enough dough? D’oh! So we were only able to clad the roof and two walls. Hint to Elise: Don’t put anything good on the contaminated walls! Your brother and sister will get to eat that!
This is the worst! First off, come on Grammy and Grampy! GLUTEN FREE! And Kara? More dough next time. MORE DOUGH. Because sharing? No. No way. That’s exactly how someone like yours truly would end up on death row eating steak and a Deep ‘n Delicious cake. I WILL NOT SHARE CANDY WITH MY SIBLINGS. Elise? Visit me in prison, okay?
Guys, did you notice Elise’s PayDay chimney? The rock candy smoke? The tootsie roll dog completely with red collar? The elegant landscaping? Golden, Gluten Free Girl. Golden.
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monica & sylvia’s 1 or 2 1/4 tardises (tardii?)
Monica wrote – and there’s no editing here:
Well, geez. AST is at least 2 hrs ahead of CST. So I’ll submit fast!
Monica & Sylvia made a TARDIS!! Sylvia loves Dr. Who, especially the 11th Doctor, so we included mini-figures of the Doctor and Amy Pond.
Monica made two and 1/4 TARDISes (TARDII?). One for Sylvia friend and a new roof and two signs because the kitten (Tawney Kittain) decided to tip over the cookie sheet with pieces.
So… how many Tardises are there? WERE there? And who made it/them? Because at first it sounds like Monica and Sylvia friend made one tardis together. But then it sounds like Monica made 2 1/4 tardisisis by herself, and then a kitten came along and broke some stuff while Sylvia friend did nothing to stop it. What the heck, Monica? WHAT THE HECK, SYLVIA FRIEND?
Now, confusion aside, that is one impressive tardis. Look at the scale! The glittery streetscape! The attention to detail! The hand-piped sign! The lickability factor! Wait… hold up. Let’s go back to scale. I’ve never seen Doctor Who, but a tardis is like an old police box, yes? A phone booth of sorts? So… uh… how are the Doctor and Amy Pond going to reach the phone in that thing? And if they reach the phone, won’t it crush them? Never mind. I love everything about this tardis. All 1 – 2.25 of it/them.
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lisa’s ginger brothel
About the Ginger: I guess I’ll call this the “Ginger Brothel”. When I said I’d be making another house for Christmas this year (now a tradition for me), friends suggested I make something on the order of a Spirit House, Pagan Stave Church, or gypsy caravan (wtf??) thinking I was some kind of ginger wizard. The only thing wizard about this is that I was able, after MANY failed attempts, to erect the royal icing railing & finials without shattering the pieces with my man-hands. The piped designs are inspired by some of the henna work I’ve done in the past. The blood-red house color I can’t explain, other than I was listening to a 12-part Manson Murder podcast to keep me company while making most of this.
Alright, children. Because Ginger is gingercational, I’d like to tell you what the word brothel means. A brothel is a magical place where people come to engage in special activities with… workers. For legal reasons, establishments sometimes describe themselves as body rub parlours. But because the phrase body rub parlour is widely considered the worst combination of words in the history of words, brothel is the more commonly used term.
Now, let’s talk about that
body rub parlour brothel up there. The seductive lighting! The cathedral windows! The decorative fascia! The balcony railing! THE PIPING, MY GOD, THE PIPING!
Side-note, children: when someone asks if you might like to visit a cathouse, don’t be fooled. There are no cats there. Not the kind your mother would want you to pet anyway…
Wanna hang out with Lisa? (She sounds like our kind of gal.) You can find her on Instagram!
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stephbo’s gingers’ bread house
Stephbo was one of many Ginger 2016 entrants who submitted an essay along with her entry. I am most appreciative, as Stephanie has basically done all the work for me. She writes:
As the reigning Commenter of the Year on your lovely little blog, I am considered by many to be Movita Beaucoup royalty (and by “many,” I mean “me”). As such, I decided I owed it to my adoring public (all two of them) to compete in this year’s Ginger Competition. So it is with great pleasure that I present to you Stephbo’s Gingers’ Bread House.
My entry includes two ginger people, myself and the only other ginger worthy of being my true love: everyone’s other favorite royal ginger, Prince Harry. (Let’s pointedly ignore for a moment the fact that he is half my age, and that I am happily married.) As you can see, in this tableau, Harry and I are pictured heading to our “‘Bread House,” aka “bank” to withdraw funds for our honeymoon.
The shingles and decorative motifs on the front, back, and sides of the house are made from chocolate coins in the American style. This is because we hastily converted our money into American coins after the debacle of Brexit, secure in the knowledge that Hillary would be the next POTUS. We realize now that this may have been a grave mistake.
The rest of the decorations are simple. The top of the roof is lined with stale gumdrops. There are peppermints alongside the house as well as on the roof directly above the door. The wreath is a gumdrop circle coated with icing and cheap sprinkles. The pots for the trees are made with some weird red balls that came in the kit, and the walkway to the door is paved with crushed peppermint. The whole thing is liberally held together and covered by, you guessed it, royal icing.
I realize I technically broke your fascist rules by including photos of me and my beloved, but I don’t care because #rebel. You’ll be happy to know there is no need to punish me for it because I made myself sick from eating all of the 8,000 pounds of leftover icing I had. It was glorious, and I’d do it again. So there.
What the hell can I add to that? This is what Ginger is all about. First off, the use of candy and frosting on that sucker is impeccable. And then there is the perfect merging of all things Ginger! Theme? Check. Rebellious spirit and rule-breaking attitude? Check and check. Knowledge that Prince Harry is finally off the market? Check (and thank god). One of the best essays in Ginger history? CHECK, mofos!
Nicely done, Highness. Nicely done.
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Cast your vote below! The (one) overall winner of online Ginger polling will win the 2016 People’s Choice Prize! And don’t forget to leave a comment – you could win a prize!
Repeat voters are blocked by cookie and IP address.
Polls close at about 12 pm AST, Thursday, December 22, 2016.
You can also cast a vote for your favourite Group 2 entry here.
Group 3 & Group 4 entries will be posted on Wednesday, December 21st.