crap no. 26

Murder Couple has made up. The other night as they walked past my house, lady killer was fondling her man’s… giblets. My sister agrees that only a couple of serial killers would think it was appropriate to grope someone’s meat and potatoes in public. (2.0 remains unconvinced.)

Speaking of murder, the other night when I was watching Forensic Files, the narrator said, “Darrell stabbed Clive over eight times.” So, nine? Why not just say nine?

I made another Rutherford birthday cake. Boy Rutherford wanted a Lego road construction cake, so armed with a theme I could finally understand, I went about designing the little ditty below. The guy on the left is jackhammering a 5, because Boy Rutherford was turning 6. Get it? The crew is upgrading the road with sixes! Bonus: I finally found a use for candy corn and the grass piping tip that has been wasting space in my kit since 2012.

lego construction cake // movita beaucoup

By the way, I’m thinking about offering cake decorating classes here in Halifax. They’d be crappy, of course, as I know you’d expect nothing less. But I’d share ALL OF MY SECRETS WITH YOU. Would any of you come? Wait… are any of you even from Halifax? Google Analytics seems to be indicating that Canadians and Christians hate me.

My sister, Haddy, sent me a copy of the following tweet with a message that read: it’s the little things that make you happy.

To be clear, it was the epic journalism made Haddy happy, not the dead lion.

I’ve been singing this obsessively:

A couple of days before the release of the iPhone 7, I paid Bill and Rosie Beaucoup a visit. Rosie was under the weather and feeling very poorly, which is the only explanation I have for the conversation we had that evening.

movita: It sounds like people are freaking out because there are rumours that Apple is getting rid of the headphone jack on the new iPhone.

Rosie: Yes. People will have to listen with the cloud.

movita: Uh… wireless headphones.

Rosie: The music will go into the cloud.

movita: Well, yes, that won’t change – you have always had the option of saving your music to the cloud. But they’re talking about getting rid of the headphone jack. The idea is that you’ll use wireless headphones – with no cord attached to the phone.

Rosie: Right. You won’t need headphones. You’ll listen to the music through the cloud.

movita: Uh… no, mummy. How do you think the music will get from the cloud to your ears? You will have to use headphones.

Rosie: I don’t think so.

movita: Well, unless they embed a chip in your skull, there’s no way for the music to go from the cloud into your ears. You will still need headphones, they just won’t have a cord.

Rosie: Right. They are using the cloud instead. You won’t need headphones anymore.

movita: I’ve gotta tell you, I don’t think people would be complaining if Apple had come up with a way to do that.

Rosie: They have! You’ll listen to music through the cloud.


Bill Beaucoup: It might be time for Rosie to rest now.


20 Responses to crap no. 26

  1. natalie @ wee eats October 5, 2016 at 5:49 pm #



    Would you consider flying to Phoenix to give cake decorating lessons? I mean, it is going to be cold up there soon anyway, right? I’ve got a spare room and two kitties to play with.

    • movita beaucoup October 5, 2016 at 7:43 pm #

      I actually don’t use the cloud. I don’t trust it now that every celebrity has had her nude photos hacked. Of course, it also makes me wonder why so many people are taking nude photos of themselves, but that’s an entirely different issue.

      Obviously, I will come to Phoenix. Just a couple of things though: I’ll need you to pay for the plane ticket. Also, I require an all white bedroom with soft lighting, white sheets, white drapes, white towels, white furniture (no exceptions), a private bathroom with pink toilet, no catered food in my room (meals taken in another room), green seeded grapes which you have then personally de-seeded, Evian water (but not in plastic bottles – you’ll have to get them to ship something more ethical and reusable), and a guarantee that two cats will sleep on my bed. That’s all. Lemme know when you’re ready!

  2. Eva October 5, 2016 at 6:03 pm #

    OH MY GOD! I LOVE YOU! Yours truly….Romantic Catholic chick from Quebec 😉

    • Eva October 5, 2016 at 6:16 pm #

      Jesus …not Romantic! ROMAN

      • movita beaucoup October 5, 2016 at 7:35 pm #

        Oh, I dunno, you might be romantic too.

  3. Monica October 5, 2016 at 6:28 pm #

    If I lived near Halifax, I would so be there. Absorbing all you have to offer cake-decorating-ness. Living out a fantasy of being a totally awesome artistic cake decorator. Then reality will strike and I’ll have to come to terms about my stick-figure drawing capabilities. –Stuck in Minnesota

    • movita beaucoup October 8, 2016 at 9:42 am #

      How about those people who can paint on cakes and cookies? I can’t even begin to describe the problems I’d have if I tried to paint a flower on anything…

  4. Lynne October 6, 2016 at 12:52 am #

    OMG. I am laughing souch I have tears coming out of my eyes. And do you know why??? Because I UNDERSTAND ROSIE!!!! Haha haha…. You see The Cloud is a cloud over our heads… and that’s why we can hear music without headphones!!!! Get with it, people!

    Well, the cake is fantastic, of course. But I cannot stop laughing!

    I would be so willing to commute from Boston to Halifax for cake decorating classes, IF you would include stuffs like this in person…

    … in fact… election time in the US is approaching. I might never leave Halifax.

    • Lynne October 6, 2016 at 12:54 am #

      Oh, and just so you know, “souch” is a new word. Means “so much” for people who don’t have time to bother with the whole alphabet.

      • movita beaucoup October 7, 2016 at 9:34 am #

        Some letters of the alphabet are totally overrated.

    • movita beaucoup October 7, 2016 at 9:35 am #

      Oh, Lynne. Canada will be closed the night of your election. We’ll have the wall finished by then…

    • movita beaucoup October 8, 2016 at 12:15 am #

      Lynne, I just watched the latest on Donald Trump, and I have a new idea for you. On Halloween you should dress up as a moose, and sneak across the border, avoiding any post election rush. We’ll have cake when you get here…

  5. Stephbo October 6, 2016 at 2:58 am #

    “who is also a lion” Best laugh I’ve had all day.

    I’m with you. I don’t trust the cloud. It makes no damn sense to me, with or without Rosie’s non-existent headphones.

  6. Liz Berg October 6, 2016 at 6:23 am #

    Now, this is the best morning read I’ve had in months. Your mom knows about the “Cloud?” Color me impressed—though a little more tutoring may be necessary 😉 What a fantastic cake!

    • movita beaucoup October 6, 2016 at 8:38 am #

      Rosie is extremely tech savvy! So I knew she was pretty sick, as if you asked her today she could probably explain the inner workings of a three-axis gyro.

  7. Abbe@This is How I Cook October 6, 2016 at 2:45 pm #

    Not sure about a three axis gyro. The only gyros I know are the ones one eats. And as for the cloud…they are gray today.

    • movita beaucoup October 8, 2016 at 9:43 am #

      This is exactly why I don’t use the cloud. ME NO UNDERSTAND.

  8. Bonnie October 7, 2016 at 8:45 am #

    Dear Movita, you are absolutely priceless. So is Rosie. I’m with her. In a cloud. Oh wait. She’s not in the cloud, she just knows about it. Perhaps she can do something about this dark cloud that seems to follow me around……I don’t see any wires…..oh well…….neat cake. 🙂

  9. Leslie October 10, 2016 at 5:43 pm #

    LOVE the LEGO cake! And if I lived in your town I would take the class. Heck, if I lived in your country I would take the class.

  10. Lady Tofu October 22, 2016 at 6:52 pm #

    Er my gawd. I would totes love to take any of your cake decorating class!! Yes! Your cakes are super beauteous and amazing always….minus 2.0’s boiled frosting cake….but that’s on him.

Leave a Comment