Murder Couple has made up. The other night as they walked past my house, lady killer was fondling her man’s… giblets. My sister agrees that only a couple of serial killers would think it was appropriate to grope someone’s meat and potatoes in public. (2.0 remains unconvinced.)
Speaking of murder, the other night when I was watching Forensic Files, the narrator said, “Darrell stabbed Clive over eight times.” So, nine? Why not just say nine?
I made another Rutherford birthday cake. Boy Rutherford wanted a Lego road construction cake, so armed with a theme I could finally understand, I went about designing the little ditty below. The guy on the left is jackhammering a 5, because Boy Rutherford was turning 6. Get it? The crew is upgrading the road with sixes! Bonus: I finally found a use for candy corn and the grass piping tip that has been wasting space in my kit since 2012.
By the way, I’m thinking about offering cake decorating classes here in Halifax. They’d be crappy, of course, as I know you’d expect nothing less. But I’d share ALL OF MY SECRETS WITH YOU. Would any of you come? Wait… are any of you even from Halifax? Google Analytics seems to be indicating that Canadians and Christians hate me.
My sister, Haddy, sent me a copy of the following tweet with a message that read: it’s the little things that make you happy.
Still my favourite journalistic line ever. pic.twitter.com/fwWxj7SXrt
— James Doleman (@jamesdoleman) September 22, 2016
To be clear, it was the epic journalism made Haddy happy, not the dead lion.
I’ve been singing this obsessively:
A couple of days before the release of the iPhone 7, I paid Bill and Rosie Beaucoup a visit. Rosie was under the weather and feeling very poorly, which is the only explanation I have for the conversation we had that evening.
movita: It sounds like people are freaking out because there are rumours that Apple is getting rid of the headphone jack on the new iPhone.
Rosie: Yes. People will have to listen with the cloud.
movita: Uh… wireless headphones.
Rosie: The music will go into the cloud.
movita: Well, yes, that won’t change – you have always had the option of saving your music to the cloud. But they’re talking about getting rid of the headphone jack. The idea is that you’ll use wireless headphones – with no cord attached to the phone.
Rosie: Right. You won’t need headphones. You’ll listen to the music through the cloud.
movita: Uh… no, mummy. How do you think the music will get from the cloud to your ears? You will have to use headphones.
Rosie: I don’t think so.
movita: Well, unless they embed a chip in your skull, there’s no way for the music to go from the cloud into your ears. You will still need headphones, they just won’t have a cord.
Rosie: Right. They are using the cloud instead. You won’t need headphones anymore.
movita: I’ve gotta tell you, I don’t think people would be complaining if Apple had come up with a way to do that.
Rosie: They have! You’ll listen to music through the cloud.
Bill Beaucoup: It might be time for Rosie to rest now.