crap no. 32
My summer of funemployment is underway! I know what you’re thinking: please don’t ever use the word funemployment again. I can’t make any promises.
I know I said I’d be around here a lot more, but I’ve been super busy. I reorganized my craft room, bought a new scratching post for the cats, and… well it felt like a lot, you know?
Murder Couple update: I found Murder Lady! I saw her walking by my house the other day, and she looks like she’s doing way better than Murder Dude; she looks refreshed and happy. This could be for a few reasons:
- She broke up with Murder Dude and she’s happy about it.
- She hasn’t broken up with Murder Dude but she has devised the perfect plan to take care of
himit. - She and Murder Dude are still together, but only because they’ve come to an agreement about who’s in charge of clean up. Know what I mean? Guuuuys?
- She recently beat a murder rap and is now free to get on with her life’s work. (This would explain her recent absence and well-rested appearance.) (She was in jail.) (You can sleep a lot in jail.)
Related and unfortunate: it looks like Murder Dude may be trying to grow his hair out.
I generally try not to be too self-conscious about my appearance. Mostly because if you’re able-bodied and breathing, you really shouldn’t complain about your crooked teeth and droopy eye. But the men in my life are doing their best to shake my confidence.
- 2.0 will often say, “We’ll go when you’re ready,” and then give me the once over. But I am ready – dressed and wearing makeup – leaving me to wonder if I’m not as adorable as I think I am.
- Recently, my plumber stood at the front door and said, “I’ll come back later because I have to shut off the water completely and that way you can have a shower first.” I was bathed and wearing makeup.
- A couple of weeks ago my father sent me an article titled “How I Kept My Ballerina Body… Aged 54.” No message attached, just the article.
- The other day 2.0 pointed at a magazine and said, “Why don’t you pick up a copy?” It was Senior Living Magazine.
My sister came to Nova Scotia for her vacation in June, and we spent the entire time celebrating my father. In two short weeks we celebrated Father’s Day, his retirement, and his 70th birthday. We’re completely exhausted so we probably won’t celebrate anything that man does for the next three years. Unless he cures cancer or something. We’re not monsters.
While here, my sister encouraged me to follow A bear on Twitter. No regrets.
I do not usually like to brag, but I can fit seven acorns in my nose. I feel like this is an impressive number of acorns to fit in a nose.
— A bear (@A_single_bear) June 13, 2017
I got stuck on a red plastic slide and while I wiggled free so many humans shouted at me please do not shout at me while I am so vulnerable.
— A bear (@A_single_bear) June 8, 2017
I made this:
.
I didn’t make this, but wish I had:
I bet no one ever wonders if that guy is ready to go.
OK. So you inspire me. Who cares? You are a smarty pants.
One day I hope to be featured alongside you in Senior Living Magazine.
Fred, Movita Rules! You should be inspired. Do your self a favor an read her other stories. You’ll laugh your ass off!
Bubbles!!!
Um, no offense to double dream hands guy, but your video was a bit more sophisticated. Except I would’ve liked to have seen some jazz hands or crank moves in yours…
There are very few things on this earth that couldn’t be improved with jazz hands.
His freestyle is, one must admit, what dreams are made of. I am aware I just ended that sentence in a preposition. It’s modern. I applaud your pastimes while you are unemployed. Also: you are adorable, makeup or otherwise.
You are my double dream hands.
I’m sure you’re just adorable at all times. P.S. I need to follow that bear on Twitter!!
I’m am VERY adorable. Elfish, even.
My god, I love your posts!! I just laughed out loud in Starbucks and almost gave the old guys in here a heart attack. The plumber is clearly an idiot, by the way!
And I am now following A bear on Twitter as well! FUN!!
Thanks for all of this great stuff. You just brought a huge smile to my face and I am now ready to face the day! ????
If it makes you feel any better, my plumber is a very sweet man! I guess he and 2.0 don’t know devastating beauty when they see it…
Ha! That makes me feel way better!
You are very adorable: i’ve seen photos. you are a beautiful canadian pixie and the world can’t handle you.
someday we will be featured side by side in Senior Living: maybe next year? Now that we’re both retired from working, mostly…kind of…sometimes?
WTF is up with that video?? Most unimaginative choreography evah! Your video, however, is beautiful.
BTW, I should let you know that you very narrowly dodged a bullet. Hubs and I were looking at vacation destinations, and Nova Scotia was a top contender. Lucky for you, our friends asked us to go to the beach in North Carolina with them instead. So I won’t be showing up on your doorstep demanding my own personal rout of your province. You’re welcome.
*tour* not rout. Stupid keyboard.