crap i’ve been meaning to tell you about

TAKE A CRAP BATH

crap no. 34

crap i've been meaning to tell you about // movita beaucoup

On a lovely day in September, 2.0 turned to me and asked, “Is today my sister’s anniversary?” I patiently replied with, “Well, she got married on your birthday.” He stood there staring at me until I further clarified with, “TODAY’S NOT YOUR BIRTHDAY, HONEY.” Rosie Beaucoup likes to lecture her adult children about all sorts…

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crap no. 33

crap i've been meaning to tell you about // movita beaucoup

I had big plans for this summer which included blogging, writing a volume of Ballet Explained, a collection of autofictional essays and a bestselling children’s book, becoming a skilled dance photographer, and purging our entire house. I have achieved 2.5% of this. (Okay, 1.5%.) I believe my lack of productivity has something to do with…

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crap no. 32

crap i've been meaning to tell you about // movita beaucoup

My summer of funemployment is underway! I know what you’re thinking: please don’t ever use the word funemployment again. I can’t make any promises. I know I said I’d be around here a lot more, but I’ve been super busy. I reorganized my craft room, bought a new scratching post for the cats, and… well…

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crap no. 31

crap i've been meaning to tell you about // movita beaucoup

I’ve been a bit MIA lately because I have a neck injury that is making it difficult to sit at the computer and live and stuff. I know what you’re thinking: didn’t I delete this blog from my reading list three months ago? YOU DIDN’T. I fell at work the other day. (That’s not how I hurt my neck; only my self-esteem…

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crap no. 30

crap i've been meaning to tell you about // movita beaucoup

Murder Couple is MIA. I have noticed an unmarked white van driving around the neighbourhood, but can’t see the driver well enough to know if it’s one of them. Fingers crossed! Speaking of horrible couples, I made a birthday cake for Mr. Rutherford on the weekend. I was feeling pretty bad about making a cake for…

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petite merde no. 3

petite merde // movita beaucoup

The other night, 2.0 told me that my underwear was on backwards. movita: No. No, it’s not. 2.0: Are you sure? It looks lik- movita: No. 2.0: But it looks like they are on backwar- movita: I know how to put on my underwear, honey. 2.0: The big side is supposed to go on the back…

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crap no. 29

crap i've been meaning to tell you about // movita beaucoup

Let’s get back to our regularly scheduled programming! (Thanks for all of your kind words, guys.) Have I ever told you that growing up I thought my grandfather was Bing Crosby, and that he concealed his true identity in order to have a normal life when he wasn’t making movies and stuff? I was also convinced that I’d…

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crap no. 28

crap i've been meaning to tell you about // movita beaucoup

Did you think I stopped blogging again? Nope! No such luck! Guys, I think something happened to Murder Couple. I rarely see them together, if at all. And sure, this is good news for anyone they planned to murder, but it’s kinda sad too. Can’t couples make it through the tough times anymore? There was…

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crap no. 27

crap i've been meaning to tell you about // movita beaucoup

I’m trying to fill my heart with love and no judgement, but idiots keep doing stupid things, so it’s not working out very well. As a result, I’ve spent the past week painting teeny-tiny things to keep myself out of jail. Also, it took me about two hours to make that ridiculous photo up there, so…

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crap no. 26

crap i've been meaning to tell you about // movita beaucoup

Murder Couple has made up. The other night as they walked past my house, lady killer was fondling her man’s… giblets. My sister agrees that only a couple of serial killers would think it was appropriate to grope someone’s meat and potatoes in public. (2.0 remains unconvinced.) Speaking of murder, the other night when I was watching Forensic Files,…

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